A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi just a quick question. Is it necessary to have something in common with your boyfriend or girlfriend? My boyfriend said on the phone last night " i dont think we've anything in common". And i said is that bad? Then he said "i think you're meant to have things in common with the person your with". After thinking about it i found we do have things in common, both like socialising, sport and we're both very chatty outgoing people. Do you think a relationship wont work if people dont have things in common? Anyone out there the total opposite to their partner and it still works? Wouls love to hear from you because to be honest this comment by my boyfriend has kinda made me think about our relationship again. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): I think your boyfriends statement is very ambiguous;
I suggest you have a talk to him; Ask him exactly what he was trying to imply;
I don't think you must start jumping to conclusions but it is normal and human to try and read between the lines;
There can be so many different ways to interpret what he said; BUT, I suggest; TALK to him;
I am sure you must have certain things in common; even if it is things such as your taste in music;
HOWEVER
nothing prevents you from finding things that are of interest to both;
BUT
I do suggest: TALK to him; what did he mean by that statement; what was he refering to?
Yes, I know this can be very confusing, but best is not to dwell on it; ask him; COMMUNICATION is very important to avoid misunderstandings.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (17 July 2008):
 Hi,
It depends on you as people I think.
I love Photography, Art gallery's, my Garden, and Sailing. I used to spend so much money on clothing and shoes you wouldnt believe it. Now I am happiest with my camera and being on the sea in our boat, and unless I am going somewhere glam, I dont bother to dress up.
My partners passion in sailing and drinking lots of beer with his mates. So apart from the sailing, we are fairly different. But I have to say I have not met a man that likes going to Art Galleries, so I guess you have to take the rough with the smooth.
Its good to have some seperate hobby's.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): It's very useful to have a lot of things in common, shared hobbies and interests etc, but a few 'opposite' qualities ensure that you still have things you can do on your own without involving your partner. This is useful when you need your own space and a break from doing absolutely everything together, which can get a bit boring over time.
However, it could be that he's trying in as subtle a way as possible to tell you that he thinks your relationship has run its course. More honest communication is called for I think.
My partner and I share a love of good food, she's an excellent cook and I do a mean steak 'n chips. We share the same wry sense of humour. She enjoys gardening, planting lots of pretty flowers all over the place, and can spend all day happily doing her thing out there. It's nice to see the end result. I like applying weedkiller and hate cutting the grass, and pulling weeds out is a chore I avoid at all costs. I enjoy sailing, she dislikes it, although she sees why I like it.
We get on extremely well together and are compatible in just about every other way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): I think that's just your boyfriends way of saying that maybe this relationship has run its course. And of course you need to have things in common with your boyfriend in order for it to work. Even if its simply that you both are very attracted to each other. That in itself is having alot in common.
What he said about not "having anything in common" is just a line that some people say when they are perhaps thinking of breaking up. It doesn't mean you literally had nothing in common. What it does probably mean is that he wants to break up and he knows you are going to want answers and you are going to want to know why he feels that way. He doesn't want to come straight out and tell you what he's really thinking such as, "I don't love you anymore" or "I met someone else..." blah blah. So instead he is trying to deflect blame AWAY from him by instead blaming that you both "have nothing in common." Clearly this isn't true. But what is true is that he might have had a change of heart and doesn't know any other way to let you know. Its the same as saying, "I don't want a relationship." It doesn't mean you literally don't want a relationship. Its just a way of telling someone that you don't think its going to work out between the two of you.
So to sum it up, I am sure you both did have alot in common, but for whatever reason, it sounds like he might want to break up.
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