A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi hope someone can help me with this question I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have a 7 month old son together. my problem is he is always staring at other women for example if we are sat on the sofa at home the blinds are open a woman walks past he stares till shes gone. he does this everywhere we go, for example on the bus in shops, basically anywhere. I just find it so disrespectful does this mean he is not happy with me anymore or is it jut something men do? thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Alwayswondering  +, writes (13 July 2015):
The way I look at it, is that he is just admiring beauty/attraction. I wouldn't expect my girlfriend to not look at other men. It's not like we would both either act on it. I wouldn't expect her to view me as the most attractive person in the world. It is simply foolish to even think this. Sometimes I'll be like "wow, that guys is pretty handsome, don't you think?" or vice-versa.
This being said, doing the whole 10 second follow gaze is pretty creepy and as other posters said, sleazy. Especially from your house? I don't like these passive aggressive tactics other posters have suggested. My personal approach is up front, but not TOO blunt. Next time you catch him, call him out on it and tell him how you feel.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 July 2015):
 It's not that that he thinks you are not the girl for him.
It is that (sadly) he thinks he has a right to satify his wish to ogle.
If he had a more absorbing hobby or activity that needed his concentration then maybe he's spend less time ogling.
He thinks his behavior is normal. Maybe learned it from his Dad or Grandfather and may even encourage his son, eventually to do the same.
Find a couple of articles on the subject - explaining how dispectful it is - print them out and leave the articles where he can read them. To find such articles google ''disrespect perving cat-calls ogling''
The real gentlemen of the world don't do this so obviously. They can see all they need to see in a brief second. Sure they will notice an attractive girl but they don't stare.
Immature boys stare, sometimes jaw-dropping mesmerized stares. That's just ignorant and rude and the smart ones either never do it or are quickly reminded to stop it, if their Mom is nearby.
It's not a compliment.
If it's done by guys older than teens, who should know better you are once again seeing expressions of ignorant and disrespectful guys.
It's the much older guys who irritate me. You'd think by 75 plus that guys in that age bracket and beyond would have learnt some restraint and decorum. A deceased neighbor of ours used to take his daily walk with his lomg suffering wife and his trusty walking stick. He would use that stick to touch and then comment on ladies rear conformation. His wife would apologetically explain that her husband was ''he's harmless, dear, he just likes ladies.....'' Someone should have called him out 75 years earlier when he probably grew up thinking that he was entitled to do such things.
Your guy may or may not stop. Try throwing in some humour next time he does it. Or unsettle him with, ''..... Your fly is open,'' when he goes to fix it then say''ooops love, i mean't your jaw is open''
Or point the other way with, ''oh have a look at that'' and when he looks your way you can add what ever you want to
say as what he ''just missed it''
If he has any respect for you he would stop. He also needs to be a good role model for his son.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2015): I doubt he will change. He might mask it better but the sleaze gene is there alright. Such a turn off. I have experienced this in my past and could not move on from it. It caused us both a lot of grief. He told me it was natural to look and when his behaiour continued then progressed to me imagining it or that he was looking at her hair or unusual handbag. I doubt from your post you will get past this. Some women couldnt care less who their partner is ogling and take it in their stride. We and many other women do care and it embarrasses and disappoints us. It could be a deal breaker. It was for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2015): Disrespectful is the understatement. For some men it's almost like an addiction. Others are just rude. You may want to tell him how you feel. I don't know if he'll respond but it's a thought. I am completely comfortable with the man in my life now. However, the one prior was a case. A couple of my friends would tell me how they would catch him ogling at other women's body parts. When we'd be dining out, he'd have trouble restraining himself if an attractive woman walked in. It was so obvious and even laughable. He seemed to get a kink in his neck from trying not to look. It was no doubt an addiction. I wish you much luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2015):
 It means he has poor manners. Have you ever pointed his behavior our for him?
IF not, do it. Then try and DO the same thing when out (just looking at men) and see if he notices.
There is the "golden rule" of 3 seconds. You can look at a person for 3 second and it's not considered staring or rude - more than seconds and it starts being rude.
BTW it's not JUST something men do. Some men do (I'm sure some women too) but generally MOST people know that it's NOT polite to ogle.
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