A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been trying to spice things up and find out what turns my gf on but she told me she doesn't think of anything while she masturbates. Is she lieing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (28 August 2016):
 I have found zero correlation between the thoughts I've had masturbating and bedroom time with another person. By that I mean, I have no fantasies I would want acted up on, explored, or fulfilled. So even if I have sexy thoughts, I would likely never bring them up to a partner because they're nothing I want to share or explore with another person.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2016): Thanks guys for the advice and its really made me think. I will keep checking if there is anymore comments
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2016): We have been together 5 years. She lets loose occasionally (very rare) and its hot when she does. She does tell me when I ask things, I dont think she knows. We are pretty up front about everything, even stuff I dont want to know about lol.
I get the feeling it may be her sister that bullies her (I cant stand her sis) which adds to the problem. The sister is a complete nutcase and teases her about being lesbian (her sis is gay but I think its more becuase shes messed in the head then her sexual orientation). Very frustrating when Im trying to build her confidence up to have her sister knock it down and not just in this area.
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A
female
reader, MissFlossy +, writes (27 August 2016):
This actually sounds like something I do.... When I'm feeling frisky I will usually watch porn or if I don't have that available then I'd think of naughty stuff... not a lot of my previous partners have asked me what I think about.. but a few have.. and I tell them its private... I can share what I do on here because obviously I'm anonymous but when I'm with someone I'd rather keep what i do or think about during "me" time. Don't pressure her to tell you, she just may not be comfortable with sharing.
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female
reader, kissdesign  +, writes (27 August 2016):
Yes, she's probably lying. I myself find the need to watch something just to get off. If I'll do it without any aide, it's pretty hard for me to imagine things or a scenario to turn me on. It's a case to case basis really, what turns me on is more likely diff on what other people. But generally making her feel loved is always the safest way to go, treat her right and always make her feel special and sexy.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 August 2016):
 Don't ask her to do it in front of you. Like I said - part of the great thing about solo stuff is that you do NOT have to worry about anyone else. Maybe in porn is where there's this sort of exhibitionist stuff going around, but that's not the case in real life.
Her private time should remain private unto herself, as your private time should remain yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2016): A lot of chicks aren't really much into porn and so they haven't exercised that nature of their imagination. I used to never think about anything other than the moment when I masterbate or have sex but after a few years single and occasional porno, I have more visuals when getting off. She's probably telling the truth, then again she could be shy about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 August 2016):
 It's highly likely that she doesn't think of anything/anyone in particular.
And it's highly likely that she is just very private about IF she is occasionally thinking of something. And it's TOTALLY her right not share that with you, if she doesn't want to.
IF you want to spice things up, maybe talk fantasies - something less "personal" or bring up some suggestion YOU think could be fun/sexy (but please no suggestion of 3-some... ) Try giving her an erotic massage ( you can google tips and buy oils online) or role-play. Just make sure you are BOTH on board.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 August 2016):
 Being shy often means that she is also lacking in Confidence, yes frustrating for you, but am sure it is hell for her as well. You can tell her 100 times she is beautiful but she needs to believe it herself. Talk to her, ask her why does she feel she is shy? Is there something about her body she dislikes? Maybe you can help her become more confident. You also have not mentioned how long you have both been together, if it is a new enough relationship, it might just take her a while to be comfortable around you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2016): I don't think of anything in particular when I masturbate, so I'd say she isn't lying.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2016): I ask her because I want to know but she doesn't act on it (shes does very seldom) and hides it on purpose! She says shes shy but I think its more to do with her confidence.
I find her sexy and tell her all the time but she doesn't help with and clues. Very frustrating
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 August 2016):
First of all, good for you for asking this question! Wanting to spice things up or make your GF's sexual experience with you even better or more pleasurable for her is outstanding! I wish more people were like you when it comes to being considerate of your partner.
Here's the thing though... You're approaching the situation with a man's brain, specifically when you're trying to find out what she uses when she masturbates. I know there are exceptions, but there is no way at all to use the rules of masturbation with a woman in order to turn her on when it comes to partner activities. Guys do the visual thing, where the "seeing" sparks up the excitement. It's a much more multilayered approach to women. A lot of times, when a woman masturbates, it's not about the image or the fantasy, it's the act of letting go and feeling the feelings without worrying about someone else's pleasure, whether they're going to finish first or get bored or whether they like what they're doing or whatever. Once the sensations take place, that blows all rational thought from a woman, and the greatest fantasy is the ability not to *think* at all! But to feel the sensations building, and building until the orgasms overtake you, rocking through the genitals throughout every area of the body in this most beautiful agonizing throbbing vibrations, and the best thing is if multiples are happening, because it's waves crashing on the shore over and over again.
If you want to spice up things with your girlfriend, help her let go! Don't ask every 10 seconds whether or not it's good for her, just make it about sensations, slow kisses, hands exploring everywhere, not just rushing to grope the breasts or wherever because it's turning YOU on. Slow down, caress her and FEEL the changes in her body as she responds to you.
The idea is to clear everything from her brain except her, you, and the feelings she's feeling. That starts when it's not sexytime, when you listen to her, and connect emotionally with her. You know - when times are good. Many guys actually are mediocre at kissing, so you may want to start by upping your game there. The thing that gets in most guys' way is that they view everything to do with touching a woman as foreplay until THEIR release, so they want to get past all of it as quickly as possible, but with a woman, it's ALL the sexual experience, whether it's a quickie or the full sweaty quivering post-orgasmic bone-fest.
The only thing knowing about her masturbation habits will help you in is asking her HOW she masturbates. She knows her own body, so you'll get a tip on how SHE physically gets there, whether she uses her fingers, or a vibrator, or the mattress/pillow, or something else. That's a good starting point, and you just go from there. Don't worry about what she thinks about when she masturbates, because it's the wrong path of thinking on your part.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 August 2016):
 sounds more like she is too embarrassed to say. Which is fine because she is entitled to keeps her most intimate thoughts to herself. When i say most intimate, I mean things she would prefer to keep as fantasy only. I dunno, personally i think not thinking naughty thoughts when masturbating is a bit like saying clear your mind and think of nothing, at the very least you think of a bubble.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2016): I agree with Cindy,
When I masturbate I don't necessarily think about something. I find the act as relaxing...somewhat similar to yoga, listening to classical music. I also don't feel the need to climax. It's the same with sex as a whole. It is great when a female can climax during foreplay or sex, but in my case it doesn't have to be 100 % of the time. During sex, I guess intimacy and the overall emotional feeling counts more for the female than the actual climax, as for a man the climax is a vital thing in being satisfied during sex.
I don't think she is lieing either. Maybe try different things and see when she reacts the most?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 August 2016):
 No , she is not. Female masturbation ( well I guess male masturbation too, but I don't know for sure ) can be something very mechanical, a way to bring up plesant physical sensations even on an empty mind. Like, when you stroke your cat do you need to be thinking of something ? not really. It's just a good sensation.
This does not mean that some, or many, women may not need or prefer to conjure up sexy scenarios in their mind while masturbating.
But I think this is mostly like a way to speed up things, a shortcut to orgasms. And that is more of a male problem, I think :). Women aren't that in a hurry in general, they enjoy the travel as well as the destination so to speak. So if they have time and privacy they don't care if it takes them a long time to climax, and they do not necessarily need to come up with something spicy to finish.
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