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Is it just me, or is anybody else disturbed by 10-13 year olds giving out blow jobs?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2008) 61 Answers - (Newest, 13 October 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been watching this board for a couple of days now, and I have to admit that I am shocked at the number of 10-15 year old girls that are asking questions about boyfriends, sex and blowjobs. Is this the norm these days that children start this young?

I am not an old prude.. I'm in my mid 20s, I went to public school in NYC, but when I was that age, it seemed that girls were asking questions such as "do you think if I say hi to him he'll notice me," instead of "my boyfriend is pressuring me to give him a blow job."

Is it just me, or is anybody else disturbed by 10-13 year olds giving out blow jobs?

View related questions: blow-job, notice me

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A male reader, The Admiral United States +, writes (13 October 2009):

Ok, it might be considered wrong for any preteen to engage in sexual activities, but thats when the "urges" start. Its where

we all start to mature and unlike what our parents tell us we are physically ready for sex when we hit 13-14, but are we emotionally ready? Are we ready to take charge of our lives? Are we prepared for a baby? those are the questions we should ask...What we should realize is that we NEED to be adults and tell our kids about sex, the risks, the benefits, everything. and we need to prepare them, because what happends when we don't tell them about sex? They experiment, thats what. we have to prepare them, and remember we should make sure they are ready for sex, not shun them from it, because that will affect there lives. we are parents, and the whole reason for us being so is so that we raise our kids to be the best they can be and that means they should know about sex. in fact, we should start teching them about it as soon as they can understand you , preferably , when they start talking. That helps them make good healthy desisions when it come right down to it...if they do have sex, don't get mad you have no right to be mad. the only thing you should do is make sure it was safe and explain why it should be kept that way...explain the dangers of unsafe sex, and explain that sex and blowjobs are not meant to you know, just give out like candy, it is meant for you to give to the one you love and ONLY if you absolutely trust the recipient. preteens are forgetful and new to the world of sex teach them about it and they will be smarter about there desisions on sex. if they are having unsafe sex, provide them with birth control(condoms for males or [for girls: pills, patches]), and explain that even with famale birth control and condoms, there is STILL a 99 percent chance that the female partner will get pregnate. And remember anger is not helpful, if they know your not mad, they'll be more open about it and that is what we want.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008):

Blowjobs are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to sexual activity for preteen girls. Preteen and teen girls and boys no longer date -- they "hook up" by meeting each other someplace, and if they decide they like each other, have "no strings attached" sex. The term "casual sex" applies today more than ever, but not to adults, like it initially did, but to children. To them sexual activity is no big deal, it's just another way to have fun and is part of growing up.

There's a post under the Family and Forbidden Love sectiosn of this site from a teenage girl who caught her 48-year-old father having sex with her best friend. The friend is apparently a girl who always wears revealing clothing and flirts with older men because she knows they can't say no. When the man's daughter confronted her friend later about the sex, her friend said she enjoyed the attention and the sex, and indicated she might do it again. She thought nothing of it, and didn't care that having sex with her friend's dad might break up his marriage and family.

I just wonder what this kind of casual "it's-no-big-deal" attitude toward sex among our preteen and teenage girls will lead to. What kind of women will these girls grow up to be? And how will it shape and morals and values they adhere to and live by as adult women? Will they be able to distance themselves from the casual attitude they have about sex today? Or will it manifest itself in some way that we can't foresee right now? I think this may be one reason that there are so many cases of adult women having sex with underage boys, something that would have been unheard of 30 years ago. But it seems to be happening all over the country, especially in our schools, these days. It makes me wonder what other kind of things involving women and sex that we might see in the future.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008):

I always hear the talk about how young teenage girls are getting their sexual urges younger and younger -- WTF about teenage BOYS? They've ALWAYS been getting "the drive" at a point in their lives when they're nowhere near ready to act on it.

Imagine if women got hit with their sexual peak (like, the kind of major-league sexual drive that happens in their later twenties and thirties) at about age 13-14. Imagine all that sexual urge coming to girls at a time when they've got nothing more than middle-school impulse control and maturity. Would we be saying they need to just "tough it out" because they're not mature enough for sexual activity yet and the boys their own age aren't suited for it?

Well, this situation is what we've been saying to young males with HUGE sexual drives in their teens for thousands of years!

I don't know why we suddenly need to give girls all this culture-changing leeway just because they start having romantic feelings and crushes starting a few years younger than they're allowed to date. Boys have always been in these kinds of frustrating situations growing up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008):

I think it is pretty well understood that age of consent laws need to be reviwed for modern times. More and more young boys and girls are choosing to become sexually active, and I don't see this trend stopping anytime soon - it's just our society. There is nothing wrong with these kids being sexually active, but there is a MAJOR problem with these kids thinking that they have what it takes to become a parent. But I think we are doing the right thing by making birth control and abortions readily available to young people. I don't think there is anything that can prevent today's kids from being sexually active, but there are many ways to stop them from becoming parents! This is what we need to focus on.

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A female reader, LaydeeOfSorrows Australia +, writes (22 June 2008):

LaydeeOfSorrows agony auntI agree, its wrong.

They are way to young to even be thinking about that!

I think at that age, the parents should be monitering what a child does, to stop these incidents happening.

Im 15, and its still a big deal for me! let alone 10-13 year olds!

Its a huge deal, and in my opinion, should be addressed by the parents.

xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008):

If 4-year-old girls start menstruating in another generation, will we being acting like THEY are ready for sexual activity too?

It's unfortunate that kids these days are being hormonally rammed out of their childhoods way too quickly. But that doesn't mean the whole society should try to justify their too-early urges and condone the huge problems it causes.

We need to abolish the myth that having adult hormones & body parts equals having adult responsibility and mental processing.

Sexual desire does not equal maturity. Functioning sexual equipment does not equal maturity either. Only age plus experience equals maturity. It's equally true for both genders.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008):

Hold on, I might be able to agree to that statement, if I were not reading the posts on Dear Cupid, and the heartache of a 1000 and one women and girls for whom early sex is a humilating experience that scars them for life.

A child is a child, no matter the century and sophistication into which they were born. Ignorance and childhood go together, you don't believe me, just take a look at the "I love my teacher and he's flirting with me" posts that we regularly recieve. Or how about the teenage girls who believe they are mature because they've had sex with a lot of boys, as if sexual activity was the same as development and emotional maturity. It's not a fact of life or a development needing fixing with legislation. Dear cupid is evidence of the problems that occur with early sexual activity and you dear sir would make the problem worse by changing the law.

As I heard one mother say to a sexual promiscious 14year old who was having sex with anybody and everybody to get a baby. "She's not mature, she can't look after a baby, she can't even look after herself. She sleeps with a teddy bear and I have to remind her to wash herself and change her underwear each and every day."

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008):

I don't think it is disturbing at all - we just need to accept the way our society has evolved. I think the real issue here is that the law hasn't yet caught up with the desires of today's young people. The transition between childhood and adulthood is taking place earlier and earlier for all the reasons that the posters below have stated. Legislators do not yet realize that younger people are able to understand and enjoy the fulfillment that a sexual relationship can bring. In addition to that, it is safer for today's young people to have sex than ever before due to the many birth control options we now have (I think this was mentioned in a previous post as well). Many educators are on the right track by making birth control available to middle school and high school students, so now we just need to wait until the laws catch up with what is already happening 'illegally'.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008):

I think earlier puberty has a lot to do with this situation. When I was growing up, I was one of the girls that went through puberty very early. Because of this, I had no interest in boys my own age, and so my boyfriends were usually much older than me. I even found I wasn't able to talk to girls my age, as I was so much more mature than they were. At age 14 I lost my virginity to a 29 year old man who I had been dating for many months before we decided to have sex. I can't say that I regret what I did, in fact we stayed together until my senior year of high school. But it is important to think carefully about your actions if you are young and planning to have sex or become involved with sexual activities.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008):

I agree with the majority of these posts about peer pressure, the media and earlier puberty as being factors for promoting this activity. But I would also like to add a new angle: kids today aren't as closely supervised as they were 10-20 years ago. More and more parents are divorced, and the ones who are still together are almost always both working full time. This adds up to a lot of unstructured time after school and into the evening, which paves the way for these experimental behaviors to take place. As one poster asked, where ARE the parents? The fact is they aren't with their kids as much as they should be, and that creates problems.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008):

I don't know if it's the media so much as it is peer pressure that is causing girls to start giving blowjobs earlier. It is disturbing, but giving a blowjob is like a rite of passage for teen and preteen girls, especially those in middle school. And if a girl has never given one before, she's often so eager to do it for the first time that she'll try just about anything to do it. I have read posts from girls who said they asked their older sisters for advice, or went to their older brother and asked questions about how to give a blowjob, and even asked their brother or another male relative to teach them how to give one. Yes, it's disturbing and even scary. I've read posts from some girls who said they've even practiced on the young boys they were babysitting, which is technically sexual assault.

And look at all the female sex offenders we have in this country now. In the past, sex offenders were exclusively male. Now a growing number of women are going to jail for performing sexual acts on or having sex with underage boys. Some of these women are in their 40s and 50s, an age at which you'd think women would know better than to do something like that, or even think about it. A lot of these women are teachers who we entrust with the daily supervision of our youth.

As disturbing as it is, I don't see things changing anytime soon. Oral sex has become so common among today's schoolgirls that it's become a "oh yeah, everybody does that" kind of thing, and it's not considered to be a big deal by a lot of today's schoolgirls. The only way I see things changing is if it at some point, it gets to be so widespread that girls won't think it's cool if everybody's doing it, and some new practice will become all the rage. I guess we all should hope and pray that it's not something that's worse than this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008):

It is disturbing, but can we really blame the girls and men who are involved with this type of behavior? This is just part of today's society. The media is pressuring ever younger girls to act and look a certain way, and the messages in music and movies clearly indicate that acting in a sexual way is ok especially at younger ages. For this behavior to stop, it's going to take a lot more than making it against the law and parents telling their kids not to.

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A female reader, scrazy Canada +, writes (16 June 2008):

scrazy agony auntAm I the only one who DOES NOT put things in her mouth when she does not know where they've been?

Yes, I AM disturbed about these young girls giving out blow jobs, especially the 13 year old who posted here and was completely nonchalant about it! Have you ever heard of the STI's you can get from oral sex? Think about the consequences of your actions, I have friends who give blow jobs at school.

Do you think they really like being known as "easy", "a slut/whore/skank/cunt/" and about every other word in the book?

You're a BABY, what are you doing?! Attention from older men is NOT something to be proud of; it's creepy. I've been FOLLOWED home before. Since I was 12, men have passed comments, groped me, followed me in their cars and tried to get me to go places with them.

THAT IS NOT SOMETHING TO FEEL SPECIAL ABOUT.

It sickens me; I'm not a piece of ass that can be used and toyed with and why these girls want that confuses me. What benefits them? Getting Booze and Drugs? More things that can damage your health?

You're not in control for getting an older man off, you're throwing away your dignity for nothing. It's him who's controlling you because you've become his little toy and you only benefit if he's satisfied.

I can understand why they think they're so mature when they've hit puberty because it feels like you went from a little stick of a girl to a woman with hips, breasts and curves overnight. But you're still a CHILD, you have so much growing to do, why do you want to throw away your childhood like that?

In 10 years, these girls are going to look back and think "Why was I so STUPID?"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008):

In the UK, it varies from place to place. I know a boy who is only 13 and lost his virginity when he was 12 at a party. I also know some girls in my class (yr 7) who can't even look at a boy without wrinkling their noses, and who haven't even play kiss chase.

If you asked most year nines, they've probably all had some intimate or sexual experience already, or atleast been to a party with that sort of think going on.

I personally haven't had a "Proper" boyfriend, being 12, I have snogged someone in a game of spin the bottle, but nothing came of it.

The media plays a big part, pressuring young girls to wear make up and low tops and show of their bust, yes I think it's discusting, but I wear low tops sometimes and it is a nice feeling, knowing that i look fashionable, but all the same slightly worried when I get wolf whistled in the street by some over wieght 30 somethings.

Most kids find they can't talk to their parents about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008):

I couldn't agree more. I think these girls are going after adult men not only for attention, but also as you mentioned it's like a power they can have over men. I also think that these girls view it as a big accomplishment if they can get an older man 'off'. And of course since they don't think of it as really being sex, it's just fun and games and a way to entertain themselves.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008):

Thanks to the anonymous female who posted on June 13 about the teenage girls who initiate sexual encounters with older men. There is definitely a lot of that going on in today's society. Just look at the all the posts from teenage girls who are in love with their teachers. With some of these girls, it may be the lack of a caring, father figure in their lives who gives them attention that attracts them to older men. Plus I think that getting the attention of a older man probably makes the girls feel more "grown up" or better about themselves.

Teenage girls have also figured out that giving blowjobs to guys is a way to get attention from guys, both older and younger, and the girls like it. Some girls also look at giving blowjobs as having power over men. I know this sounds disturbing, but I have heard about teenage girls getting adult men to buy them alcohol and ciagarettes by offering them blowjobs in return. That is how casual oral sex has become to a lot, if not most, teenage girls these days.

I saw a Middle School Confessions episode on HBO where the girls were saying they live giving blowjobs because it's fun and it's not really sex. That may be the best illustration of teen girls' attitudes towards oral sex today.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008):

Hi Ms female anonymous,

But I can see nothing sensible about a 13year old and a 16 year old being together. No matter how sensible she may be, she's still a child, body, mind and emotions dating an adult (in the UK) man. I was fully grown and very adult at 10years old, but I knew I was still a child. For me, it was very simple, any older guy attracted to me was a pervert who liked little girls rather than my personality. For me it's downright strange. What the hell can a 13year old and a 16 year old have in common. College, sex..... I don't know, for me a 13year old is a child.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008):

Oh, please.

13yo girls are more mature than boys when they stand to benefit from it. Suddenly being 13yo becomes "just a child" again when it comes time for negative consequences.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008):

I don't think a 12 or 13 year old girl having sex with a 16 year old boy is necessarily abuse. It's important to remember that girls mature physically, emotionally and mentally about 3-4 years earlier than boys. So it actually makes perfect sense that a 12 or 13 year old girl could have a true, loving relationship with a 16 year old boy.

But what's alarming is the number of girls this age who are involved with men much older than that. Often, they are the ones who initiate it, not the men. I don't know what it is - hopes to be more 'experienced' I suppose. Either way, something we have to accept is that kids these days are going through puberty much earlier, and that means they will be having sex at younger and younger ages - not to mention the way the media sexualizes children and young girls.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

It's not the 10year olds giving out blow jobs that worry me. It's the 12 and 13 year olds who have sex with 16 year olds and think they know everything about life. They are so sure that their mature, that the don't listern to reason. What kind of 16 year old wants to have sex with a 12 year old. These girls can't see when their being used and abused, they think they know better. I wonder if they'll think the same way when they reach 21 and they have so much experience they can't even keep track of how many partners they've had, and they know so much about sex that it's hard to become interested any more.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

well i'm a girl (12) and i don't think you can say one age when it is ok to have sex. it depends on the person and is different for everyone. i am dating a boy (16) and we do a lot of sexual stuff but i kno im not ready for sex yet i will wait till im 13 or 14. but i kno some ppl my age are ready. it jus depends.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

I don't know what to think. Kids are maturing phsically, mentally and emotionally a lot earlier these days than they were 15 years ago. And if you have, say, a 12 year old girl who looks like she could be 18, she's probably going to want to act it. Not to mention the media is playing and ever larger role and targeting younger and younger audiences every day. But I don't know if all this makes it ok for these kids to begin experimenting with sex at younger and younger ages. I guess society is just changing and we need to come up with a way to deal with it.

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A female reader, Fiona xxx United Kingdom +, writes (6 June 2008):

Fiona xxx agony auntI am disturbed by the so called opportunities for kids. In my day (now I sound like an 80 year old) some people started having sexual experiences at age 14/15; which indeed is too young.

The law on age of consent is there for a reason.

Quite often I think kids must be asking questions for curiosity so they can be the ones who go to school and say "Do you know what..... is?!" They need to clarify things to settle a debate or something like that. Perhaps they make it sound like they are in a situation they are not. At least I hope that's the case.

However, I would answer that I think you are far too young for considering stuff like that.

I believe in growing up and that everybody can't wait to grow up, but having any kind of sexual experience too young is too much too soon.

It is like a kid playing at an adults game. That is speaking from somebody who almost had sex at 14 and didn't. It didn't feel right.

Needless to say perhaps kids/teenagers want to feel like they are the centre of attention at school or the centre of gossip. To be the one that guys say "Oh did you hear what ...... did?" about. It often is not the case, and people make assumptions that are not the case.

Idle curiosity is one thing if that is why kids are asking questions. In my day (again sounding 80) we didn't have the internet for such questions LOL) So I hope it is just an opportunity to find stuff out, when they don't have a big bro or sis to ask?

Nonetheless there is more peer pressure about sex than anything else, and kids don't have to give in.

I can only assume that if kids are indulging and experimenting in sexual activity, their parents don't know and don't know where they are. Or wouldn't suspect their son/daughter until it's too late.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008):

I don't think girls should be punished for experimenting with these types of behaviors. I was one of the ones who developed at a young age, and there were always boys and men after me from the time I was 11 all the way into high school. Most of the boys I became involved with were much older than me, and there was not much that I hadn't done sexually by the time I became a teenager.

But I also don't think it is entirely the boys/mens fault either. It is human nature for them to be sexually attracted to a devloped female, regardless of her age. I don't regret anything I did, and I think it is important to realize where society is headed. Earlier puberty plus increased sexuality in the media means kids are going to start experimenting at younger and younger ages.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008):

If a 14yo boy takes out his father's sports car, or gets drunk, or sneaks into a bar . . . he's "immature" and he goes to reform school.

If his female 14yo classmate wants to date an older man, or even sneaks into the SAME bar when she's underage, a lot of people think of her actions as signs of how "mature" she's quickly getting.

There's nothing extra-mature about an underage kid wanting to do adult things. But too often we accomodate girls doing it while we punish boys for it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008):

I agree with the post below that it is certainly a double-standard. It should not always be construed as the guy's fault, even if he is considerably older than the girl.

In the same breath, I think it takes added maturity on the girl's part to understand and go through with such activities.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

It would help if we viewed a girl having sex with grown man as HER doing something totally immature too. Right now it's basically a double-standard.

It takes no added maturity just for a teenage girl to be attracted to an older man. But in my opinion, it takes an extra LACK of maturity for her to actually go through with it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

I think the real danger here is that these girls are experimenting with boys older than them-sometimes even grown men. If they were just involved with boys their own age this would not be such a problem. Something needs to be done about this for sure, but I don't know what that is.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008):

Well, I'm not disturbed. I am just accepting it as a fact of life now. Girls are giving blowjobs by the time they are 12 nowadays, and it doesn't look like they're suddenly going to stop. Apparently, they think it's a lot of fun, and don't think that it's the same as sex. It seems like to them, it's just another form of play that's very naughty, so that probably adds to their enjoyment of it.

At a high school in my state, several girls and boys were suspended after some of the boys stayed behind in a bus on a field trip and three girls went back to the bus and said, "first one to drop their pants gets oral sex." Each girl then proceeded to suck off every one of the guys (I think there were 4-5 boys).

I'm not sure that it makes that much difference the girls are starting their sexual exploration earlier. What's the difference between a girl giving her first blowjob at 12 or 13, versus waiting until she's 18? I mean, it is going to be any less risky if she waits a few years? The only thing she gains by waiting is being less experienced than other girls, which most girls would consider a disadvantage.

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A male reader, previasc96 United States +, writes (19 May 2008):

It isn't unusual for kids that age to experiment, but more are doing it now than ever before! I think is because of so many sexual suggestions in the media that they are exposed to.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

I think it's ok for girls and boys to experiment with sex and blow jobs as long as they're choosing to do it, not because someone is forcing them too. It is also a lot safer for kids to have sex these days, because birth control is available at most middle schools and even some elementary schools.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008):

I think why girls and boys are fully devolepd by age 8-12 is because of all the groth hormones they feed to aminals to get them ready for suauter some of the cow meat is so full of groth hormones i cant beleve people can smell it i dont eat red meat i only eat turcky and chicken so i dont have to worry about it. bot this is serous look it up that is way some people that eat alout of meat are matureing so early and the side effects are 1:week bones 2:the places where hormones are distributid are very weak 3:you will get sick easer because your body is growing so fast that it cant focos on anything else except for trying to grow that is also what causes the outer problems you can get realy sick if you eat alout of red meat as i said before look it up its true.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

I agree with the post about girls going through puberty earlier than ever before. Now that girls are fully developing by the time they are 11 or 12, they are going to want to act like grown women as well. Why is this happening? I wish I knew. I've heard it has something to with vitamins and animal protein, plus the effect media has on children today as well.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

Back to Tisha-1:

I think the female gender puts as much pressure on girls as the male gender does to be sexual objects at a young age in general. Maybe the whole society doesn't push blow jobs and doesn't push sexuality onto 12yo girls, but they're already pushing general sexuality hard onto 14/15yo girls. The trickle-down effect is much too close for the 12yo girls not to get saturated by it too.

As for teen boys, I think they get about two big conflicting messages. They get taught to totally respect females as equals in a very modern even post-feminist way, and then they simultaneously watch the male sluts who do exactly the opposite being given all the rewards. (By both society and by females.)

When I was in middle school & high school, there were some girls (several were younger than me) offering/pushing sexual stuff at me before I ever starting pushing them for it in the first place. It's not just the bad 12-16yo boys demanding BJs from the poor little 10-14yo girls.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

I think the parents in some cases are the wrong people to blame...You may think 'I know my child is not doing that'...but do you really? My mother didn't know I was having sex until about 5 months after I had started having it. She had NO clue.

Every age group really has the same risk of STDs, but if you're young and don't know the facts, your risk is considerabley higher.

I agree, poster, my current man was going down on me for a few weeks before I got comfortable with the thought of going down on him. I feel much more emotional about it all when we are having oral sex.

Regular sex seems more...primal, I think is the word. Not animalistic in a gross way, by any means, but your body sort of takes over sometimes. With oral sex, it's a concentrated art, like.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

I think a lot of the pressure for young people to engage in sexual activites today stems from the fact that kids, particularly girls, are going through puberty much earlier than ever before. I have a daughter who began puberty at age 8, and was fully developed around age 11. By the time she was 12, she was very interested in sex and masturbation and was always asking my wife and I questions about these topics. But we couldn't blame her-she looked like she was 16, and wanted to act it, too. We answered her questions as honestly as possible, but some things can't be taught, as hard as we tried. That same year, she admitted to enjoying the stares she got from boys and men much older than her when she wore a bikini or tank top, etc. We explained to her over and over that this is not appropriate but it didn't seem to effect her behavior much. Thankfully, this phase only lasted about two years. She is now a lovely young lady of 16 years and we have no worries about her. At the time, though, we were very concerned about her early puberty. I really think this is affecting teens everywhere, not to mention the media and other factors pressuring teens to participate in sexual activites.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Dont young men in some countries where prostitution is accepted to go brothel houses to lose their virginity and gain experience? For exactly the reason that oldfool stated below.. a 13 year old cannot have to necessary mindset to give a particularly good blow job?

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A female reader, Scarlettxx Ireland +, writes (16 May 2008):

Scarlettxx agony auntI was just reading that very interesting comment that an anonymous answerer left:

'So kids who live in single-parent households know or sometimes even see or hear their parents having sex with others, and they figure that they can do it too.'

My mother has raised me as a single mother for 19 years of my life & not EVER has she been so doltish or insane enough to let me know anything about her sex life let alone see or hear her. & that goes for A LOT of single mothers & their children I know.

That was an incredible sweeping statement that you made. Yes there are a lot of single parents who cannot cope with the strains of parenthood so their children can be troubled but the same goes for a lot of married couples too.

I blame every type of parental unit, single parents, married couples, non-married couples etc... that lets their child go around engaging in sexual activity or doesn't know what their child is doing, not JUST single parents.

& for the record I am so sick of people giving ALL single parents bad names. It doesn't matter if 95% of single parents cannot control their kids & I'm in the 5% of happy single families, my mother will STILL get boxed into the 'Bad Single Parent' bracket regardless if you use the words 'some', 'not all' etc... because no one regards the minority. It's sickening in this day & age.

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A male reader, oldfool Australia +, writes (16 May 2008):

oldfool agony auntI am so out of touch. Has it really come to the point where 13-year-olds giving blow-jobs has become the norm? Or is it just this website?

To be honest, I can't imagine a 13-year-old giving a particularly good blow-job. Is this some kind of new craze that kids are going through because they're "expected to"?

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (16 May 2008):

lotus mama808 agony auntI dunno about all of you, but being a parent of 2 kids puts me in a position where I can say, this needs to change! My kids are too young to even think about that stuff right now, but maybe I'm wrong. With the age of sexual activity dropping dramaticlly, when do i give them "the talk"? When is it appropriate? I dont want to be labeled as a "bad mom" because my daughter is going on line telling people that giving head is "not a big deal" at the ripe old age of...12!!!! So, when do I introduce this conversation to my kids? Obviously long before my daughter has her first period, and to be completly honest with you, it makes me want to toss out the TV, keep them home schooled, and become that ultra strict mom that my daughter cant stand untill she is old enough to understand my madness. I should print this out for my kids when they grow up, huh?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (16 May 2008):

Tisha-1 agony aunt"A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):"

"Yeah, but the entire female gender puts that pressure on itself at least as much as the male gender ever does it."

"Teachers/counselors/parents also beat on the point about "girls mature faster than boys" way too much. And then for some inexplicable reason, teenage girls seem to have the crazy idea that they're ready for adult sexual behavior too young."

The entire female gender puts pressure on itself to do what? Give blow jobs? I think that the entire female gender isn't quite as cohesive an entity as you might think.

I think that young women are facing the pressure of being expected to look a certain way, act a certain way, even if they are not ready to do so. So I do agree with you that they might think they're ready for adult sexual behavior too young.

Can I throw the ball back into your court and ask what our society expects of a young man? Is he supposed to go out and have as many sexual encounters as he can? Does he get censure from society if he does or doesn't try to 'score'?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

Well I hope some of the preteens/early teens take a look at some of the stories I've read on the board. Especially the "He left me because he can't stand that I had oral sex with 15 guys before I was twelve." or the one that's been a recent favourite "Would you be with a woman like THIS",

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

I think the reply from the anonymous 13 year-old girl pretty much sums up the philosophy of today's young teenage girls whne it comes to performing oral sex. Most of them don't think it's a big deal. Maybe you can chalk it up to the sexual revolution of the 1960s, which made sex between non-married people the rule rather than the exception. And today, oral sex is almost a rite of passage among middle school girls. In that culture, giving that first blowjob is the beginning of a journey that these girls are all too eager to embark upon.

As far as the risks of contracting a sexually transmitted diseases, I don't think the risk is any greater among kids in the 12-15 year-old range than it is among adults in the 25-50 range. In fact, that 13 year-old girl is probably less likely to contract an STD from giving a blowjob because the vast majority of the guys she's blowing are guys her own age, who have very little, and in some cases, no sexual experience whatsoever, except for masturbation.

If you're appalled by it, remember that every generation of young people seems to shock their parents with their behavior and beliefs on life. And I agree with thsoe who say blame the current generation of parents, many of whom are single parents who refuse to get married because they enjoy the modern single life better than the "traditional" married life. So kids who live in single-parent households know or sometimes even see or hear their parents having sex with others, and they figure that they can do it too.

So if you're appalled by it, I'd get used to that feeling if I were you. I don't think preteen and teen girls are going to stop giving blowjobs anytime soon. It's become part of the popular culture and I think it's here to stay, until somebody starts a campaign that depicts girls who do it in a negative light.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

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Hey Toasty, I agree. My boyfriend and I already been having sex for a very long time before I was willing to give him a blow job. And even then it took a while for it to develop into a long, self-standing blow job. And he was going down on me for a long time as well before I finally did it for him.

I think that oral sex is in many ways way more intimate that regular sex. I could probably be convinced into having sex with a handsome stranger under right conditions and with right amount of alcohol, but no way am I gonna give a blow job to someone just for the hell of it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

Obviously a blow job is sex. It's called ORAL SEX for a reason. It risks STDs, poor self image and self esteem, bad rumors, and the list could go on. Seriously, don't do it if you're not mature enough. Even if you think you are at that age, you aren't.

It was a long time before I gave my boyfriend a blow job. We had had sex before that many times, had a good trusting relationship, and were both HONESTLY STD free.

When I was twelve, I would have believed anything. Being sexually active that young is dumb.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

Yeah, but the entire female gender puts that pressure on itself at least as much as the male gender ever does it.

Teachers/counselors/parents also beat on the point about "girls mature faster than boys" way too much. And then for some inexplicable reason, teenage girls seem to have the crazy idea that they're ready for adult sexual behavior too young.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (16 May 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntI don't think that it's fair to lay the burden of controlling the behavior of 10-15 year boys on the girls of the same age. The girls are here asking because they are troubled by it, I think, in most of the posts I read here. The boys are off looking at the porn sites their parents haven't bothered to block on the home computer, and they probably wouldn't dream of asking people here if pressuring a girl into giving them a blow job is a problem.

So whose fault is it? I have absolutely no idea.

But I think that there is way too much pressure put on young girls today to look sexy, to act sexy, to be sexy, otherwise they're not valued. No one gives any media time to a girl who has won a science prize for her research, they give the media time to the latest pop starlet who has gone into rehab. What do you think this message is to the young women of today?

So I'd say lighten up on the young women who are struggling to cope with the pressures put on them, and acknowledge the fact that we're all complicit in supporting the message that the primary measure of a girl's value is in how attractive she is.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

Damn... Some things really do get me angry. A 13 year old who dosen't think that BJ's are sex, and believes they can't come to any harm.

You ever heard of herpes, darling. A disease that you can carry for life. Be sure to tell your next boyfriend about your hobby before he starts to kiss you. He might prefer to be rather safe than sorry.

Sorry we're getting down on you. It's your life. I guess at 13 you probably know more than us. If you started giving oral sex at 12years old, you'll be the most experienced agony aunt on the board by the time your 15.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Its a big deal because you're setting the standard for how 13 year old boys view women. Its not a big deal now, but that guy that you're blowing, and other girls are probably too, is going to learn that he can get something for nothing.

So when you turn 25, and begin to want a committed relationship, for him to respect you and take care of you, his reaction is going to be, "why buy the cow when I can get the sex for free". And why should he when he's learned that behavior since when he was 13.

If you dont believe me, do a search on men and cheating, lack of commitment, lack of respect, and using women for sex.

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (15 May 2008):

lotus mama808 agony auntTo the anon 13 year old, WHATS THE BIG DEAL??? Diseases, distraction from what you should be doing, like going to school, studying to be a bright, smart young lady that can grow up, get a good job and support herself instead of asking for mom and dad to take care of you. Why do we care? Because, when your generation is running the planet, we want that generation to be smart enough to run it right. Giving head is not a smart decision for a 12, 13, 14 year old. You can get sick that way too sweetie, and if you were smart enough to know that already, you wouldnt be doing it yet. At your age, oral sex is considered the "marijuana" of sexual activity. It leads to other, more dangerous sexual activity. Get a good education sweetie, you'll need it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

well i'm 13 and i don't see anything wrong with it, i mean its not like your having sex or something. i gave my first bj when i was 12 and now i kinda like it and anyways i can't get pregnant from that so whats the big deal

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A female reader, Scarlettxx Ireland +, writes (15 May 2008):

Scarlettxx agony auntI completely agree with you, it's absolutely appalling.

I don't even know what children today are becoming, not only is it sexual activities but it's violence too. & I agree with many of the people who answered that it's the parents that are to blame! If I knew my 13 year old was giving a guy a blow job I'd lock her up & vice versa. It's not just the girls. Serious reprimanding should be going on. These kids probably go around flaunting sex & doing whatever they like & yet know nothing about the consequences.

If it's to go on like this then at least have serious warnings & PROPER sex education which a LOT of countries are seriously lacking.

I'm only 19 & I was never like that when I was ten. I didn't even know what sex was!

It's disguisting & what does it say for our child protection laws??

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks to everyone for their responses. Like I said in my original post, I would not consider myself a prude by any means, but no matter how lightly sexual activity is treated by society, I think its only human nature that it effects us more than we would like. Especially women, since even psych research after research has shown that physically women find it much more difficult to emotionally seperate themselves from their sex partner. Which is why I'm so concerned for the younger girls, not that they're engaging in sexual behavior, its just they might not realize the emotional effect it will have on them until later, since there are the years where you learn to related to the opposite sex, to develop your values, to learn to trust and socialize with others, etc.

To all the posters that asked where are the parents.. I agree.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

Some kids always did things as young as anyone that we see today. It's just the prevalence that has changed.

There used to be like 3-5 girls in the school who were known to have had sucked a dick when they were 14. Now it seems like it's much more common. It has ceased to mark a girl as "loose" like it once did.

13 is also a big mark on the calendar for all this stuff. There's usually one hell of a huge difference between what 12yo kids are doing versus want 14yo kids are doing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

It's disgusting but it's not the child's fault because they are afterall still children. Blame the parents, I say.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

DUDE! I know! I was collecting troll dolls and giggling at the thought of kissing a boys cheek at that age. I dunno whats happening, I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl, and I am super concerned for them when they grow to be that age. KEEP EM BUSY, thats my plan. We also live on a small island, so getting away with that kind of behavior won't get them far. I'll hear it from the coconut wireless-lol. I think these kids are only educated about sex through their frinds, and their parents are too stiff to talk about it with them, so THANK HEAVENS for this incredible web site, because it gives you and I and the rest of the sane world a chance to help them out, and be the educaters they so desprately need! Thank you so much for bringing this to everyones attention!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

A lot of people are too young for what they are doing and it is also disturbing how lightly people take relationships. I think there is a responsibility not just to look out for your own kids, but to let others know that they don't have to do this. Don't give into the pressure. Wait until you are older. I do not assume that everyone is doing it and so should you, a lot of people are not doing it and tend to stay quiet. Develop friendships that are based on enjoying conversation, attending events together!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

I just started looking around at this website today, but I feel exactly the same way that you do. I'm not in my mid 20s, but I'm 20, and I also feel a bit disturbed with how these 10-13 year olds are acting these days.

It seems quite true that kids these days are different from kids 10 years ago.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

Yes im very disturbed by it thats why i have a acount here to tell kid my age that they should notbe even thinking of half the stuff they wan to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

Of course I'm concerned. It's not right. What happened to childhood. I was physically fully grown by the time I was 10, but knew I was to emotionally immature to enter into a relationship. It didn't stop men from coming after me, but it made strong enough to know that I was a child and shouldn't be playing adult games. Stuff the media, what I want to know is where are the parents

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

Of course media and peer pressure has a lot to do with it.

I gave my boyfriend a blow job when I was 15 for the first time. Our relationship ended up lasting 2 years. The point is, I didn't just give it out like la-dee-da, here you go. No, I loved my boyfriend at the time.

Sex is private and personal.

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