A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's a bit of a hypothetical question which has been bugging me... In a relationship do you think its better to be wanted or needed? Why? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wantspaintogoaway  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 i need you is saying you dont want to let go. that is the better one
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): I would rather be wanted if you are talking in terms of a relationship setting. It's ok to be needed, but what happens when that "needy" feelings ceases? Then what?
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 July 2010):
 Wanted or needed? Well, I picture a good girlfriend as saying "I want you" while she wraps her arms around me and bites my ear. When I hear "I need you!", I picture a girl trying to convince me that I should take her back after she cheated.
Wanted, hands down.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Wanted, but eventually needed I think. You never want to only be needed by a lover and it shouldn't start out like that.
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A
female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (11 July 2010):
Hmm... interesting question- and a very good point in your follow up!
Being ‘Wanted’ should form the essence of every relationship. Without 'want', a relationship is cold.
(This is the sort of 'relationship' we should only ever have in our business dealings!)
For your partner to be able to say; 'I want you (but I don't need you)' -would (on the surface of it) imply a solid basis for a relationship, with a balance of control and independence on both sides.
But if your partner said; 'I need you (but I don't want you!)' -Well, I'd be running as fast as my lil' legs would carry me!
However, I do appreciate that as partners grow together and increasingly entwine their lives into one another's, and so increasingly grow to 'need' one another. It would be unrealistic to think that each partner remains equally good at every aspect of their shared lives. Otherwise we could all end up doing everything twice! -He might be better at darning her socks, and she might be better at bleeding radiators!
I don't think there's any issue in 'needing' each other, and it takes a great deal of trust to rely on someone for the things you feel that you 'need'. -You lose independence and control over your own life.
I think the issues start where own partner 'needs' the other significantly more that their partner needs them in return. This implies an imbalanced relationship, or even that one partner is not pulling their weight. Alternatively, the more powerful (needed) partner could instinctively becomes aware that they could treat their partner as they please and they would still not leave them.
All relationships need give and take, patience and compromise. But so long as you both primarily want, trust and care for each other, then you can enjoy 'need' as a further benefit. Provided that you BOTH pull your weight in the relationship, and that you know that your partner needs you as you need them, then you can still maintain and trust in a balanced relationship.
But this doesn't take away all responsibility to take control of our own lives. I had a friend confide in me that when ever she started a new relationship, she was comfortable to let a new partner look after her and do things for her in almost any respect except for not letting them put the rubbish out! Being her pet-hated task, she knew that if things didn't work out between them, she couldn't bare to think she'd have to start doing it for herself again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFair call, some good answers, but should you ever really be needed? Because if you're needed, you can't really be in the relationship for the right reasons can you? For example, you might be needed for financial support by your partner to survive, but wouldn't that diminish the authenticity of your partners intentions/love for you?
I dunno, I heard this question on the radio and the whole "needed" thing has been spinning around in my head for way too long. Surely you should only be in a relationship because you are wanted, if you are "needed" then how can you be sure that your partner likes you for you... shouldn't you always be in a relationship because you want to be, instead of someone having an alterior motive? Doesn't that just end in people ending up being trapped and unhappy in their relationship, merely staying in marriages because of a perceived need, etc. etc?
Keep the answers coming.... if you want :D
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 July 2010):
 I guess it depends won WHO is wanting/needed you.
Partner = wanting
Kids/family = needing.
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A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (11 July 2010):
Wanted, when people need you its because they were never happy with themselves in the first place and they need someone to fill that void, being wanted shows love and care and affection.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 July 2010):
It's better to be wanted. That denotes love, affection, care and such. When you're wanted, you'll also be needed as well anyway. But to be needed alone is dangerous. Either the other person is terribly insecure, or they're taking you for granted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): Want in the beginning, then both want and need in the long run.
But never need on its own.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Wanted. When people "needs " you, in general their need has nothing to do with you as a person and a lot to do with filling some void in their life, boosting a low self esteem,or getting compensation for hurts and wounds from the past. It's not really about you, it's about their issues.
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