A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I may be in an emotionally abusive relationship but honestly I'm not sure whether I'm just being silly or not. I can be a very moody person sometimes and often can be quite snappy, so I don't want anyone to think I'm wholly blaming my partner for our relationship issues. However pone thing I certainly am is honest my partner is not. I will give examples of his behaviour and I just need to know if honestly I'm being unreasonable. I have been in abuaove relationships (physical and emotional) before but I'm worried I'm letting this cloud my judgement over what could be completely normal behavior. My partner hates me being on my phone especially if I'm talking to friends. I only really ever talk to a couple of close friends that I'm in a group chat with or my mum but either way my partner will always read what I'm writing or at least attempt to. I know he does this as he will make comments on my conversation and if he can't see the phone he will put on this voice and say "who you talking to and what do they want" or "somebody is popular" I will always tell him as I have nothing to hide anyway but I find it annoying that I can't talk to friends and family without being questioned and when I have said why does it matter he will get in a mood and way things like ""obviously its a boy or else you'd just say" or he will suggest that I have something to hide.He emails me through the day at work and if I fall asleep in the day (I have insomnia so will often nap) he gets angry with me saying I have ignored him and that I obviously had someone round. Which again isn't true at all I'm very loyal and would never cheat. When we argue we both get angry and we do shout, I do attempt to quiet the situation some but of course this comes across hypocritical due to me already having raised my voice which is understandable. When we argue he puts words into my mouth and answers for me before I have the chance to answer and then gets irate about his oown ideas and I Dont know how to respond to him. He will often threaten to leave and walks out of the house and if I do not try to stop him he becomes very angry suggesting that I never cared about him and that I'm a horrible person, he will often call me names when we argue. He often complains about money he puts into the house for bills as well even though I put am unable to put in more than him. But he will often hold it against me. Another thing when we argue badly is he will bring up the fact that I was abuses by exes and say things like "bet you think I'll hit you now as you think that little of me" to be honest I Dont think he would although he has thrown items before i Dont think he'd go as far as to hit me.He has lied to me and about me about money that went missing he claimed he had lent to a friend but infact he spent it. He lied about family members being close to death and also told someone I had a miscarriage (I wasn't even pregnant) among other thingsMaybe he's not emotionally abusive but having wrote all this out, I realise how stupid I'm being remaining in this relationship and maybe it's time for me to be brave and break it off. Sorry for the rant.
View related questions:
at work, emotionally abusive, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (5 July 2016):
CindyCares is right...You are in one again.
If there is rust in your relationship, then there is no need to ask who you are talking to, or question you about anything.
It's not time for you to be brave...You already did that by bring up the subject here, rather than suffering in silence. As for breaking it off...CUT IT OFF. Have ZERO tolerance for any man like this.
As for you and your moods...You get back what you give to others. Treat people they way you want them to treat you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 July 2016):
 Yes, some of the things you mention sounds like an unhealthy and abusive situation.
The phone thing though, it's hard to say if that is him being annoyed that you are not interacting with him when he is right there but busy on your phone. I can't tell you how annoying it is when you are talking to someone and they are more busy scrolling on FB and liking dog-pictures... Or some people (like my BIL and his GF) who during dinner will constantly text people - no one is that important that they can't put their hones down for the amount of time it takes to eat. So that can be he just have different attitude to how people should interact.
But aside from that? It doesn't sounds like you are happy with him or that it's a healthy relationship, but you REALLY don't need OUR permission to leave him.
Just because he doesn't HIT you doesn't mean it's NOT abuse. Throwing things in a fit of rage is SCARY for the other person, and there IS no guarantee that the rage won't at some point be turned on you.
It it time, and you can do it. WALK away. Put yourself first.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 July 2016):
 Yes, you are once again in an abusive relationship.
While " emotional abuse " is sort of subjective , it's a generic umbrella term which covers behaviours that could be seen as abusive by some persons / cultures but not by others- luckily the parametres for verbal and physical abuse are much more objective and " scientific ".
If he calls you names and yells at you , he is verbally abusive. He is not supposed to do that ever - although I understand how " snappy "and "moody" can grate on the nerves of many people. Yet, he is supposed to use self control, - we don't go around berating and name calling at our heart's content all the annoying people that grates on our nerves at work, in traffic, at the shops etc.etc, so I don't see why he should not use the same restraint with you, the person he is supposed to love.
And physical abuse... throwing items IS physical abuse. Because it is a violent act in the intention if not in the effects, and because it is dangerous , lots of accidents may happen when people lose control to the point of throwing things. He may grab the first item at hand without caring if it's a paper cup ...or a flat iron . And, because it's the tip of the iceberg, the way how 9 out of 10 times domestic violence start. He starts throwing things around , and pretty soon it escalates to the sock in the eye - or worse - that you " think " you would not be getting from him.
So, never mind the " emotional " abuse- with or without it he is already abusing you in a way that, if you just have a clue of what's good for you, you should have stopped tolerating since a good while.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): Somtimes we think and feel something but look for reassurance from others that we are doung the right thing. I would say yes you need to break up with him. You know what you need to do.
...............................
|
