A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been a goody two shoes my whole life. This has been partly out of my fear about making mistakes (I'm a perfectionist) and just a big worrier. I've always hated that I come across as such a square. I've been in a few serious relationships but only slept with 1. I waited until 22 to lose my virginity and he treated me horribly. After I broke up with him I had a bit of a "quarter life crisis". I grew restless with being such a rule follower and always being so uptight and never relaxing/ letting lose that I moved into a young part of the city and actually started having a friend with benefits. When that ended, I've dated some and recently met I guy I was incredibly attracted to. We flirted a lot and I knew it wouldn't amount to a relationship, but after 2 dates we slept together (using double protection). I feel guilty because I never used to do things like this. I always held myself to such high standards and never rebelled in high school and college. I didn't have much fun. Most of my relationships that were serious took over my life and were so stressful and anxiety provoking. I want to have a serious relationship again someday, but right now I'm having fun just dating. Is it terrible that I don't regret sleeping with the 2 men that aren't my boyfriends? I don't want to rack up the number of people I've slept with, but I feel liberated for once in my life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2016): Do what you want. It's your life. Your choices.
But you must accept the consequences of your actions. Some guys will feel that having promiscuous boundaries is unattractive. And they won't always stop feeling turned off by it just because you aren't doing it anymore.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2016): WOW. I probably wrote this question. I feel the exact same way and I ALMOST feel bad that after my last boyfriend I have gone on to sleep with 3 new guys. Guys that wont even last and I was just attracted to for a bit. Its funny because just like you I was such an incredibly good girl. I believed in true love, one forever, soulmate, blah blah. After my ex left me for an internship I stayed loyal for another year and cried my heart out. Now Ive dated, slept with a few new guys and have felt no attachment. Its funny because before that I was very attached to my ex after lovemaking but now I can enjoy it, feel free, go home and my life goes on.I guess my answer is just be YOU. Have fun but be careful. Dont feel guilty for what makes you happy. We live a long life, Enjoy it to fullest. Im telling you all this as I am trying to follow it too lol. Just love life, laugh, and everything may fall into place eventually. I hope to find my forever boo too but right now just enjoying the journey =)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 The happiest countries are those who are liberated from society's constraints. Where being single moms is not a shame. Where LGBTU is widely accepted. Think of Canada, Australia and the Scandinavian countries. I hear that in Iceland, men do not feel that raising another man's kid is some thing humiliating or that he feels cheated or tricked into. Divorce rate can be high, but single moms can still afford to live comfortably. Not like in many countries being single moms mean collecting foot stamps and prostituting herself for food or drugs. When I hear people say lower number, happier marriage, I tend to think the older, more traditional generation, and that knowing less is bliss. To each your own. Do what makes you happy. Your happiness is also dependent upon how people view you or confident you are with yourself, no matter who you are with and how you got here.
I don't think you will rack up numbers either. Rather, you are able to decide for yourself what is right or wrong for you. Instead of just blindly following rules. You were disenfranchised because you had thought that being chaste equals happily ever after with a good husband.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 You haven't done anything wrong; if both parties are consenting and know if there are any other sexual partners, as well as protection being used and honest communication, then there's no issue.... On the face of it.Firstly, always get checked for STDs between partners, even after using protection - it's important to be responsible.Secondly, what I mean by "on the face of it" is that there's nothing wrong with the situation I described above, unless you're doing it for the wrong reasons....Is it possible that you're doing it for the wrong reasons (being tired of following rules)?Following rules (your own? Who's?) doesn't make you boring. Being a "goody-two-shoes" doesn't make you boring. Having sex with people you aren't exclusive with won't make you not boring. You don't need to "rebel" to have fun; you just didn't have the fun you saw other's having (presumably) and assumed you weren't having any fun because you weren't "rebelling", rather than you just weren't doing things you enjoyed.Dating around and having fun is good (when everyone knows what they're getting), but you need to be doing it for the right reasons. Are you happy with why you're doing it?
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (19 July 2016):
 I think it's VERY important to listen to what you and your body wants, as long as you're being safe. I strongly believe in listening to the voice inside you as a guide of what is right for you at that point in time for you.
We are creatures of habit, and sometimes, we get into grooves that no longer serve us. You have had an experience of doing everything monogamous, by the book, etc etc and found the experience draining. It is natural that you would want to break that pattern and see what it's like to live a different way. At the same time, it is normal for you to have panicked a little from this break in your character. Have no fear! Do what seems right at the time.
We're only here once, and I think to live your life fulfillment and pleasure-seeking--whatever form that is: romantic, artistic, spiritual, etc.--is probably the best uses of our time here! So continue exploring and enjoying alternate ways of living your life. Doesn't mean you can't return to the creature comforts from which you came. Doesn't mean you can't settle back down. You could one night stand ONCE and never do it again! There are no rules on how to live. Enjoy!
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (19 July 2016):
 Passing judgements, particularly on sexuality, is considered very evil these days so I will keep those to my self. On the more significant point, you should be aware that statistics show that the smaller number of sexual partners a person has in lifetime, the happier relationship they have. A converse conclusion is that studies show that more people sleep around less happy will they be in a relationship. These, of course, are not absolute certainties but, like everything else in life, a probability measure that will affect most people. Given that you are a perfectionist, feel free to google these studies and derive your own conclusion. So whatever judgement I have about what you are doing, it is backed by these statistics.
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