A
female
age
36-40,
*offeebean86
writes:my current boyfriend said this to me in a fight "You don't care for me as much as i care you you, why can'y you return the feelings i give to you" When he says this I defend myself asking on what basis does he use to judge how much I love him. It's such a silly topic for people our age! But then I think about it, I use to say the same thing to my ex - then i feel hypocritical.Is it common in a relationship to not have a balance? Is one person always going to be the clingy side?
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female
reader, linz09  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Ermmm...well the more one party is clingy the odds are the other one will push them away..you said you were the clingy one in your last relationship...and to be honest it's not a good feeling,it leaves you feeling a bit needy and lowers your self confidence, so you probably went into this new relationship unconditionally thinking you won't repeat that behaviour again!!
Because of that your actions may sometimes seem a little cold, only because your trying to protect yourself.
Try and cut yourself a little slack...enjoy your relationship and don't over emphasise the clingy situation, and the balance will work itself naturally.
linzx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): This is an odd claim, for how can he possibly KNOW how much you care for him? If you love him, and you tell him so (once a day is a nice #), then it sounds like he's simply being insecure and demanding affermation.
It's not a fair thing to say... and you shouldn't have to defend the amount of love you ahve for him.
Relationships should have balance, even if it's off balance! 60/40 is off balance, but if it's consistant that's OK, as you two can count on it! If one day he's a 10, the next a 90, you'll go NUTS trying to figure out each day who's walking though the door. So, consider what balance means to you... Is every relationship 50/50 on the "I love you, you love me" scale?... who knows, it highly unlikely.
I know my wife loves me, but can't measnure how much, and frankly don't ever care to...
Being clingy is something else... clingy is bad, as it will weigh you down and ultimatly grow very old and you'll want to get out from under it. He needs to be self supporting and not co-dependant.
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