A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance for almost three years. there has always been some trust issues mostly from my side. About two weeks ago i found out by snooping in his email trash that he was talking some serious shit to a girl at his work. I only got to see emails from one day but in it they discussed meeting up and fucking. then i learned he created a new email that i dont know and i dont know the password to it. I flipped out on him it was reallly bad. i ended up in the hospital for four days on the crazy floor bc i had a mental break down. the two of them never actually met up and nothing ever happened aside from the email/text/calls when i ask about it he was honest didnt try and say he hadnt talked to her, i ask if he had feelings for her and he said he liked her personality. he instals cable/internet/phone so hes only at the actual office for a short amount of time a couple days a week and its a different part of the building so the only way he sees her is if they pull in the parking lot at the same time or if he walks to her department. she is not very attractive and is a lil on the chunky side. i'm about 140lbs and he once told me that he was dating a girl once and she ended up getting chunky and he avoided going in public with her and if he had no choice to go out in public with her he wouldnt hold her hand. so i know looks wise i should be worried. i decided to stay with him because i love him so very much and i really felt like he meant it when he said that he was sorry and it meant nothing to him. he promised never to talk to her again unless it was work related and he had no choice. well two days ago i notice he had her email/phone number saved in his phone as some weird name. but to be fair the number had been in there before i noticed it. so i deleted both of them yesterday morning....sometime after that he saved her new number in there listed as a number he uses for work. i dunno if he has used it to talk to her or not....i had a guy call the number and ask the girl that answered if her name was the name of the girl he was talking shit too...well it was she said only 5 ppl had the number and she didnt mention his name...so now i'm worried and confused and am not sure what to do....yesterday i told him that i loved him through text and he replied with "well show me" i assume by that he meant show him by trusting him so now i dunno if its in there to test me or in there because he is still in fact talking to her. what would yall do?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 I'm afraid I agree - I think he is hiding something. Actually you've already found out what he was hiding, at least part of it.
Stay strong. Be around family and friends and take care x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never in our whole relationship thought or worried that he would do anything like this...i went to his google+ just to make sure our pics were not loading to his account because of a commercial and i got this weird feeling to look at his emails and i seen the emails from here which was the first time in a long time i had checked his stuff.....not because i dont trust him more of a way to make me feel better.....i dunno i'm bout to give up bc he isnt man enough to look me in the face and give me the answers i need to move on....if he cant do that he must be hiding something right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): When I saw the question, I was just about to say "well, you know, some guys are just like that. Some of them just leave their ex's phone numbers in their phone and some of her stuff at his place. Not because they still want to get back to their ex's, but because they are too lazy to get rid of it and don't really care about it".
But when I read the full story, I don't think my answer above would be any help really. Although he said nothing happened between him and the girl at work, it doesn't change the fact that they have been exchanging conversations which should be reserved only to two people in a relationship. Maybe he really didn't cheat on you, but I'm not saying there is no possibility.
Is he a toned dude with great body? I read from somewhere that guys with good body usually concerns about their girls' look more than usual, like start mentioning you getting "chubby" when you gain only a few ounces. However, toned or not toned, he should respect his girlfriend more than this and to avoid being seen in public with a girlfriend who's getting chunky doesn't sound like that a gentleman would do to me.
However, I don't think you should have a sneaky look at his personal things like phone, texts, or emails. How would you know that this is not what drives him away from you in the first place? And especially when they get you really upset mentally, sometimes ignorance is a bliss.
But all in all, I can actually see how he's hurting your feeling and if you're really sure that those weird numbers belong to the girl he is seeing then I think it's time to leave. Relationship should make you strong and happy, even though you have to go through several arguments sometimes. It should make you feel secured and beautiful.
I know you love him very much. I did love my ex so much I thought all my life would crumble without him (and I'm not a teenager). But when I finally broke up with him (following by him coming to my workplace and abused me verbally a few weeks later) I just discovered how happy I have became without him. All my best wishes is with you.
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A
female
reader, 5ftsweet +, writes (22 June 2012):
I second the previous reply. There are men out there who will not do these things to you. There should be no need to check each other's emails, but now that you did you know how he really is when no one is looking.
And the not holding hands with his ex just because she gained weight? That's disgusting. You can do better than this.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (22 June 2012):
The evidence is stacked up against your boyfriend. You found the emails. You found the phone number. I don't know what he means by "well show me" - how can you be expected to trust him? And if you think he planted the phone number there to test you, he's pretty sick. I think it's more likely that he is still up to stuff with this other woman.
Do you really want to be with a guy who makes you feel like this? Who is no good for your mental stability? Who makes you afraid to put on weight? Who refused to be seen in public with an ex who put on weight? Really, he sounds like a pig.
In a healthy relationship there should not be the need for you to check his emails and his phone - I can understand why you did it but you can't continue behaving like that.
I don't think that this sounds like a healthy relationship from what you describe and I think you should leave.
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