A
female
age
36-40,
*onely2427
writes:I've known a guy for a few years. We started off as just an every now and again fling. I knew he was coming around just to get what he wanted. He stopped talking to me completely for a few months because he thought I was talking about him. He is in his 30's. About February of last year we ran in to each other and started texting each other again. We took a trip together and started hanging out on the regular. He would stay at my apartment for days, we would have sex, but nothing was ever mentioned about a relationship. He started leaving his laptop over at my place and I got curious one day so I looked through it. I saw emails that he was talking to another girl, meeting her family, making dates with her, all the while she has a boyfriend of 7 years. I realized enough was enough and told him I couldn't continue on with what was going on with me and him. That I just wanted to be friends. He jumped up with "do you want a comittment? Cause I will commit to you." I cracked and said yes. The first month of our relationship was rough. I never told him I knew about this other girl until finally I couldn't take the worry anymore. I told him I knew what was going on and that I didn't know how to trust him when it was obvious he was just using me before. We talked and I thought he was coming clean to me about her. He told me they were just friends and he didn't want anything like a relationship with her. That was back in February. Just last week, I looked in his phone and saw that he texted her saying he was domesticated and miserable and that he missed talking to her. She said the same thing back. I tried to break up with him, but again, I cracked when he asked if I was sure thats what I wanted to do. I looked through his phone one time after that and saw that he deleted their whole text history. How am I supposed to believe that he doesn't want to be with her. I know he is hiding the texts from me. He basically lives with me, but he has a place he can go (which is his moms who he doesn't get along with too well). It's come to a point where I think he is just hanging around because he is basically living here for free. I told him that it is hard to get it out of my mind what he texted her. I also so where he confided in a friend back in August that he likes her but that he knows she won't leave her boyfriend. He never makes me feel special or appreciated and he also told me that its up to me to get over how I feel about him and her. He doesn't think he has to prove anything to me, and he certainly won't tell her that he doesn't want to talk to her.Is he using me?
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female
reader, lonely2427 +, writes (19 June 2012):
lonely2427 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't understand. When I confronted him with wanting to end our FWB gig, HE was the one that brought up commitment. I was ready for it to be over. I was ready to move on. I didn't force him to commit. Granted, I didn't tell him no and that it was over either. After I confronted him about this girl, I would check his phone periodically and see that he hadn't Texted her. What bothers me is that he admittedly liked her, knows that she is a cheater, and still went to her and put me on blast about how he feels in our relationship. I want him to go, I'm just too chicken to stand up for myself and say it. Or I can say it, but then he finds something to weasel in that makes me change my mind to benefit him. I just don't know how to trust him. If he's deleting their conversations, how do I know what is really being said?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 June 2012):
 This guy has the kind of arrangement that men DREAM about!!!.... He's got you convenient for s*x (you share the same address...), AND he doesn't have to do a darn thing to act respectful or responsible toward you....
The only question that I can imagine you asking is: "How quickly do you think I should kick this cad out of my life?"
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): If he wasn't using you then you wouldnt feel the need to ask the question. I have been there done that and after every thing went terrible wrong 10 years later, I am left stuck with the emotional baggage that a relationship like that can leave you with. I cant trust, push people away at the drop of a hat which leaves me safe but unhappy. Please don't carry on like this, get rid of him and find someone who makes you happy. You deserve nothing less than that. Xoxo
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 June 2012):
I don't understand why would you proceed with a relationship with this guy knowing he never wanted a relationship from the start. It just seems like you are forcing him to be someone he is not by letting him stay in your place. I mean...you KNEW what he was doing with this other girl and you still wanted him? Even at the time when you found out, it seemed like just a fling and the argument caused him to stay. Maybe I don't understand the situation well enough but why don't you just let him go and move on?
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