A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:this is a long story, everything i will mention is pretty important to the case but basically i just want a strangers point of view on what i should do...im 16 and i was dating this boy (j) in september, and i really loved him. sounds silly but ive been in many relationships before, some longer and ive never felt so connected to someone in my life, so this definitely is love. and we were sexually active, it may be important that i saw him 3 times the whole relationship where we didnt have sex -his idea. after 5 weeks we split up because he was jealous of me having boy friends and it lead to arguments all the time. i used to beg for him back, lowered my self in so many ways so i could have him back but in december about 6 weeks after mine and j's breakup, i decided it was time to move on and i stopped contact with him and i tried to get over him by seeing someone else (s) which lasted about 3 days as i wasnt ready to move on. when j got back in touch with me about a week after this i told him what had happened and he made me feel so guilty until mid January for doing so, (this is important for later). after that he made me change my self into someone im not and i did this for him because i loved him. even though i did this, it didnt get us back together, i met j after me and s stopped seeing each other and he was being really nice to me telling me how much he loved me and wanted me back, right up until i slept with him, then he would be awkward and make excuses not to get back together with me. hoping he would change and get back with me for good i let this happen a few more times, the most recent was 3rd January. After this time i thought that is it and i stopped this happening completely, so i stopped contact with him. then a few weeks later (mid January) he started messaging me again telling me how much he missed me and loved me, so i thought i could give this another go. here is where the truth started to come out, as i said when he made me feel guilty for seeing s, calling me horrible names etc, it turned out he slept with someone 2 weeks after we broke up -when i was begging for him to come back to me. he said that he met her around town and he didnt know her- this is another lie as i will explain later. he then started telling me how much he loved me and i didnt believe him this time, but he started to make me believe him because he wouldnt leave me alone, hed do cute things like send me long messages and he would phone me and call me his princess - things he used to do when i was going out with him. this made me think he had honestly changed. but i couldnt let it go how he lied to me about the girl he slept with, and kept it quiet from me for 4 months and made me feel bad about s for so long, making me change my self, contradicting him self this whole time, so this time i stopped contact with him forever -so i hoped. forever turned out to be nearly four weeks, yesterday the 23rd February, he messaged me again, so i thought i would be polite and message back as he was only being nice. he told me he had a girlfriend and i told him i was seeing someone else (l) but he told me he couldnt stop thinking about me when he was with her and he asked to meet me to talk, so i agreed. we were talking for hours like we had never met before, we were so happy, but he told me about his girlfriend, telling me how unhappy he was with her, how much he loved me, wanted to be with me, and he was even being nasty about his girlfriend saying all sorts of horrible things! he was so nice to me this time, made me feel special, sung mine and his song to me, he even started crying because i told him i didnt trust him anymore and he wanted me back, so i told him its me or her (his girlfriend) and he chose me, he told me he would do anything for me, so i said to finish his girlfriend (they have been together for 10 days) and he said he doesnt want to as he knows what it will do to her. but he made a move on me and one thing led to the next and we had sex. bad move i know. i told him to tell his girlfriend and he wouldnt so he is lying to her. but he says 'he loves me and wants me more than anything in the world and he will prove it to me.' the girl he slept with two weeks after he split up with me.. the truth came out now, he knew her a long time, when he was in a relationship with me she was talking to him asking him to meet her (he didnt tell me about this in the relationship) then as soon as he left, the same thing happened, he made excuses why it wouldnt work with us two. and he wont tell his girlfriend what has happened and i feel totally bad for it. i love j more than anyone in the world, and he says he loves me but he seems to act like it, then throw it all away. did he finish me for the first girl then want me back?does he use me for sex even though he has a girlfriend?my head is just spinning with questions that i cant ask him because he wont answer them, and my head is such a mess because of him.i just really dont know what to do and any advice would be grateful.
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broke up, get back together, has a girlfriend, jealous, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chiflada  +, writes (25 February 2012):
If he really wanted to be with you he would drop everything to do it. He's not worth waiting for. If he keeps up procrastinating he's going to drive you nuts!! Give your self the respect you deserve.
If he ain't going to love you, than someone else will !
TRUST !
You'll be fine.
A
male
reader, Masterofpuppets +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Get away from him, other he's way confused or just A straight player!!! Find someone that respects you and Please practice safe sex if you aren't already.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Yes he's using you. IF you were his love, his one and only, the one he thought of all the time, he'd move mountains to be with you and ONLY you. The fact that he slept with you and is refusing to tell his girlfriend and break up with her proves it. He said those horrible things about her to make you think that he's got it bad and gain your sympathy. He is manipulating you and if I were you-I'd run and quick! Who knows how many other girls he's been saying the same things to behind his girlfriend's back? Honey, you are worth SO much more than this. NEVER EVER be second to any man for any reason. Close all lines of communication with this boy. Delete his number, delete him off your Facebook, e-mail list etc. Don't tell him you're doing this-just do it. And if he calls or texts-ignore. Move on. You're sixteen, you have so much to live for!
When you really and truly find the man who loves you heart and soul, you'll know. He'll be the man who looks at you like you're the sun and moon. He'll be there for you always, he'll take of you when you're sick and laugh with you when you're healthy. He will be loyal, someone who trusts you and you can trust fully. He will never force you into things that risk your happiness- he will never demand sex as proof of your love. He won't be perfect, but he'll be the perfect man for you. This boy will be just a bad experience in your mind, you'll see. He's not the love of your life. Keep busy, focus on your schooling, your friends, and enjoy being young! I'm in my twenties and single, and I'm happy. I go out and do the things that make happy, go to beach, kayak etc.
Stay away from sex, hon. Especially with guys who have not given you commitment, respect, and love. And if you do choose to remain sexually active, I pray that you use protection... Life is live and learn. Learn from this experience and live past it. I wish you the best, dear. Never forget how valuable you are.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 February 2012):
 Simple answer: yes.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Yes. This is a ridiculous mess. He's a boy and he wants sex, from both you and this other girl, which he is clearly getting. You all sound very young and its getting a bit silly. I don't think you love him, I think you really hate seeing him in the arms of another, shall we say. And there's nothing more desirable than when a guy is taken.
Guy's my age do this too, but they don't go out with the girls, its just called being a fuck buddy. You can do better.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Yes, clearly.
If he wanted to be with you, he would.
Feel free to tell his girlfriend that he's a cheat.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 February 2012):
 IN order to get to a suitable reply to your submittal we need only to read as far as this portion of it: "...and we were sexually active, it may be important that i saw him 3 times the whole relationship where we didnt have sex -his idea. "Now the "facts." Regardless of whether or not he has a "girlfriend"... when a guy finds a girl who will put out, casually, as you have evidently done,... he needs to do NOTHING to be a "good boyfriend" to that girl (the one who puts out).... and, as long as he can keep his other ("real") girlfriend from finding out... then he has Nirvana.... a beautiful arrangement wherein he has TWO girls putting out for him....YOU can learn a lesson from this... by learning what it is that keeps a guy coming back (i.e. you put out!).... but it is far more complex... the stuff that makes a guy a real "boyfriend"....Good luck....
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