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Is the age difference too much?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 December 2004) 76 Answers - (Newest, 5 August 2009)
A , anonymous writes:

I met a nice gentleman about a week ago, he works in a bar. When we first met there was flirting but nothing more than a deep gaze, wink and some jokes thrown around. I told him that I would come back to visit him (he's the bartender/owner) with some of my friends. Well, last night, myself along with about 5 of my other friends came back to visit. We had a lovely time, he locked the door and it was just my friends and his friends. We flirted, but I can tell he's a very friendly guy, because he had great convo's with all of my friends. I thought he was kind of diggin me until he asked me my age. I knew since last week that he's 31 and I told him last night that I was 19, he wasn't surprised but I could see discouragement in his eyes. He invited myself as well as my other homies to his b-day party and when it was time to say good-bye, he said it to me last and we shared a long hug, he asked me again if I was definitely going to his party( I reassured him), and we lingered by the door. Could it be that I'm just a 19 year old naive lil diva or could there possibly be a connection? Help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

I am currently 13 years old. When i was 11, i was really mature for my age and hug around 14 year olds. Still, i hate being around boys my age and at my school because of my mature level. Im always hanging with older people. 16 year olds. and even them can be a little bit immature for me. Well, back to the story, when i was 11, i met a 14 year old. We soon started dating, my parents didnt like it, some of my closest friends didnt like it, but i didnt care. My parents soon seperated us, but that didnt stop us! We dated for three years and i still beleive we are ment to be. And noone will change my mind in a million years. It has been that way for three years and ive never had any regrets. As someone in that kind of situation, you will get alot of negitivity. But you have to ignore what they say because its not them, its you. And you were taught to stand up in what you beleive in, if you beleive in each other. Then, stick together. And most importiantly, fallow your heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009):

i am seventeen and my boyfirend is 34...we have the most amazing relationship ever...age ain't nuttin but a thang!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009):

I Googled this because i'm 16 and have been meeting up with a 27 year old for a while now. I really like him its great when were together I don't feel as if he's a lot older than me its just normal as though were the same age. its different as well because i look older and get into clubs and stuff. the problem is is my parents i want to tell them so they're happy for me but him and my dad know each other and I'm worried they'll tell me not to see him. technically I'm at a legal age to see whomever i want but i don't want to cause trouble help????

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009):

CANADA - First off...ten to 15 years difference in age is not that crucial. What does matter is how young is the younger person. He or she should not be 15 years old but at least of legal age. When people get older such as when the younger person is 40 the difference in age means far less because both have lived life and in most cases are mature. Most friends and family would not likely even consider it unusual at older ages. What a 19 year old gal has to be concerned about is whether the 30 year old is seizing an opportunity to use a sweet young and naive gal for his pleasure, and they will. A man reaches his strongest, most passionate years by 35. At 50 or 60 they are likely dwindling, hence the need for viagra. I say the gal should proceed but go slowly and get to know more about him and his past. Life is beautiful when you find someone to share it with who really cares about you and treats you as an equal. For those of you that have the strength to pursue much larger age differences, I say more power to you but be aware that as the older person ages it becomes more of a strain on the relationship and one day the younger person will be left alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009):

There is no formula to make a relationship work...I believe that u must recognize urself first. Wht do u want from a relationship. What are u willing to compromise on and what u aren't so willing to compromise on? Only when u have answered those questions for ur own self can u get into a beneficial relationship. Age is just a number when people are in love. There is no perfect relationship anyways.So, there can be no real rights & wrongs...

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A female reader, ohhellNo United States +, writes (11 June 2009):

i believe that age is just a number so if your 19 and hes 31 its okay that isnt that big of a gap but if you were 14 and he was 40 it would be a problem it seems like he is into you and although he may be feelin you out be cause as a 19 year old i was very immature and it was after i turned 21 when i looked back and realized it. So this is more than likely his fear basically that you havent grown up enough he knows you grown but, he doesnt know how much of an adult you are.Most guys that are older look at younger girls as cute and sweet and innocent they rarely actually fall in love with them as a person they fall in love with the fact that they know you will fall for them so easily and they know it.

Just feel him out and let him feel you out a little more and see what happens thats really all you can do

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009):

I was married to a guy who was 12 years older than me - it didn't work out simply because of the age difference. He was simply too old for me and felt embrassed bringing him to parties, events, introducing him to friends etc. He on the other hand wanted to be seen with me and to parade me around like a prized possession. I guess for him it was a huge ego boost.

Then I met someone who was just a couple years older than and what difference it was! I was proud to be seen with him. I didn't have that father/daugther mentoring type of relationship. We grew up on watching the same movies and listening to the same music - being from the same generation makes such a huge difference!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009):

Hmmm, I am currently in a relationship with a woman who is only 17 she will be 18 in july this year and i love her with all my heart. The problem is I am 45 and married. My marriage has been one of convenience for sometime for both of us, as we have two children. There is no real love in our relationship and we do not have sex and havnt for 2 years.

I met my new partner some time ago as we live in the same village and over a peroid of time we have grown to realise we love each other. We have been seeing each other for over 7 months but have not slept together. This is mainly because her mother discovered we where seeing each other and confronted us and made us promise not to sleep with each other.

We tried to keep this all secret until she left home to go to university but due to being seen her farther now knows and has banned her from seeing me and has really gone off the deep end over this. My wife knows and it has all been very stressfull for all of us. We both want to be together and love each other.

Everyone is telling us to stop being selfish and think of the impact it will have on everyone else, but we are in love and cannot bear to just stop seeing each other. The age difference does not bother us that much, however i think that her friends would cause some problems once they knew. But it is her family who are putting the most pressure on to stop us and using threats as a weapon against us.

We do not know what to do for the best but we do know we have so much in common and need each and do love each other. If given the chance I think we could be very happy together. she is the person i have always dreamt of being with and now i have her i do not wan to loose her to pressure from others.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

My partner is 45 and i am 21. We have been together 19months now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009):

From what you've said, there is definitly a connection. If he wasn't intrested in you he would've never invited you to his party.

When I was 14 I met the love of my life who was 36 at the time. Now, I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 38. At first he wasn't intrested at all and he would purposely avoid me. He would always see the way I acted with my friends (we always act silly and immature). But I showed him a soft side of me, a side that no other guy has seen.

I felt a strong connection between the two of us so I began the flirting and joking. Two years later we are a couple and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I know in my heart that my family has somewhat of an idea that we're together (my mom and sister know who he is) but I don't know that it's the right time to bring him around them. I've met his two boys and I adore them, they are 5 and 3. I know everyone says this but age is just a number.

Everyone wants to be happy weather it's with a 19 yr old or a 90 yr old. There are alot of haters who think that the older person is a pervert but screw them. They'll either know it for themselves how wonderful it is to be with someone older or they wont. To be honest it's sometimes tough/hard keeping our relationship a secret because we can't hold hands or kiss in public.

But when it's just me and him alone, I feel like I'm at peace with the whole world.

Best wishes :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008):

if there is a connection. age isnt the problem ... its only how you see things that matter ...

make sure he is comforable being able to take you around ... because then you'' feel like his tring to hide you and problms will occur.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008):

Listen i no wot you mean cos i am 17 and i am engaged to a 48yr old and every1 is sayin wot they think but age is just a number and if you just talk to him and also if he was flirtin wit you then thats pretty obvious, he likes you and i can tell you like him, so basically with my words just go for it and you never know you could be as happy as me, cos i am so happy and i believe in myself and the older people treat you with a lot of respect and they treat you for who you are and not like a prize or somethin they have just won cos thats wot nearly all my exs did to me but if you want to know more then just reply to this and i will tell you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008):

I have read quite a few of the posts here and none of them have really touched upon this guys hesitation to vocalize his feelings.

I had a similar experience. I met a man when I was just 20 years old, at that time he was 39. We met through my professor at my university...the man in question was an acquaintance. Anyways, our meeting was a thunderbolt. We were both obviously attracted to one another. After our meeting we agreed to keep in touch. (He lives abroad.)

I heard from him a few times in the past two years and once recently actually but a relationship never started no matter how badly I wanted one and how excited we both were when we met.

Here is the point: Age difference doesn't matter if you are both mature and consenting adults. But you both have to be accepting of the fact, it can't just be you!!!!

A friend of mine was also involved with an older guy many years ago. His discomfort with their age difference affected their relationship and her self-esteem many years after...she still talks about it.

So unless he is as excited to be with you as you are with him...the situation will be perilous and the cause, I am afraid, of heartbreak on your part.

Good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008):

Well from reading all of these posts I am quite amazed at the fact that so many young girls fall for an older man. I personally have never had a problem with age difference and always liked older men since a kid. Like since i can remember i've adored harrison ford and have most of his movies and all sorts, lol - sad. But anyways my story is this... im 17 and i am engaged to this wonderful man I have fallen inlove with and am going to marry... his 53 turning 54 and I know dat is a massive age difference but Charlie Chaplin was in his 50's and married an 18yr old and had 8 kids! so yea... but i love him dearly and i know i shall be faced with lots of issues as he gets older but just go for it and remember love can do wonders!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008):

I am 19 years older than my partner (he is 26 but seems older). We have been together for nearly 4 years. He has stood by me through some very tough times, but likes to live by himself, doesn't want to live with me and my 3 children (from previous marriage) or marry. Wants his independance.

I have never had a relationship like this before. It seems to work and when we see eachother, each weekend and as couple of nights during the week, we have a great time together. We love eachother and he is very attentive. However, I worry about our future. I worry about him being attracted to younger women. He seems really in love with me, but I fear being left heartbroken and it really worries me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

Hey I am in the exact same situation as you. I am turning 20 this year and he is turning 31. I have known this guy for at least the last 5 years and have wanted to be with him for nearly as long. Recently we went on a club trip with 2 other people and the entire time we had great conversations and flirted continuously. I know that he is attracted to me but is also worried about the age difference. on the last night we ended up kissing. So I think that if the two of you have a really good connection then I think it could work. well thats what I am hoping for. I will just have to wait and see if he beleives that to. Good Luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008):

When I met my wife I was 23 and she was 46. We've been together for 32 years, and I've never reqretted any of it. I have to say though, I'm going through some hard changes now as my wife is 78 and I'm 55. Sometimes I feel like I'm living the life of a 78 year old and that's bothering me a little.

I don't know what my solution is, but what I've found out is there is this part of a relationship of different ages that can be frustrating. I feel sometimes that I'm losing my sexuality before my time, and I don't know what to do about it.

That's my two cents...thanks

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008):

i met my fiance when i was 21. he was 34 years old at the time. 3 years later and we are very happy together planning our wedding with our first child on the way and things couldnt be better! my fiance has 3 other children from a previous relationship, the eldest two are 16 and 15 years old, but we all get along great.

dont worry about age differences, its all a state of mind and if your family and friends seem fine with it then i doubt it would become a problem anyway.

go for it and good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

it sounds like you really want to believe that he really likes you, and going by wot you said i think he does , the fact that your age discouraged him makes me think he is genuine and i would consider that a good fact,,, i think he really likes you, but maybe afraid of you being to young, two reasons for that is : he might think he is to old for you and would be worried bout not pleasing you enough or you thinking hes too old plus he could be worried bout wot other people say......if it was the other way bout, say you were older than him then you would feel the same as i just stated....

my advice is go for it, dont worry wot other people think, and to be honest , there isnt really that big of an age difference there , just be careful not to let yourself be used or hurt, good luck. regards lana, :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

Hi, I am in the same situatiion, and like the others have said, he is very reluctant to want to be with me, because of the age difference. I'm 18 and he's 29. Age shoouldn't make a difference, but unfortunately our society doesn't see it that way. I say go for it! Just show him that you are willing to be with him no matter the age differnce. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008):

You are 19 and he is 31. That's 12 years age difference and no I don't think it's too big. I think as long as you're mature enough and both of you are willing, go ahead. Women are usually more mature than men, so a longing for older men is completely acceptable to me. I'm 16 and dating a man who is 22. Best of luck to you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008):

Just to add to the lot, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 32. It works, it's brilliant and we are very happy together. Don't let other peoples opinions get in the way :-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008):

I did not read every post here, but in my relationship is possibly the biggest age gap: 30 years. I'm 46, my husband is 76, we got married last year. My friends of course tell me all the time that this can't work and so on, but I'm really happy.

I admit there are some problems: the first thing is sex! I do come sometimes and he is not a bad lover, but I have to help him get an erection (i guess you know what I mean). Sometimes this needs a couple of minutes, but then he can make it untill it's over (hope that doesn't sound to pessimistic).

Another thing I worry about is that he is quite wealthy and that people think i married him because of the money, what is not true.

I would not recommande such a wide age gap to every one but for me it fits.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008):

Not at all, I first met my boyfriend about 2 years ago. We were working in the same office. He is 35 and I am 22. I think, first off that some girls have the mental maturity to be able to befriend and date older men. Granted he has YEARS more experience, but not once has age ever been an issue in our relationship. So I say if he can get over himself, GO FOR IT! I have never been happier.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008):

I am 21 and seeing a 28 year old. Although the age difference isnt massive, thinking in long term it is. He is ready to settle down and I'm not too sure of what i want from life at this point in time. I was sick of men my age and was grateful when he walked into my life.

Hes funny,charming, mature and really knows how to take care of girl and care for her unlike the men i met my age.

But my worry is what my family will think, they play a big role in my life and unsure if they will accept an older guy in my life. Perhaps think why is he with a such a younger girl?? it worries me because they play a big part in my life.

BUt i suppose time will tell :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008):

For the past six months I have fallen deeply in love with a man who is 29 years older than I. We spend most of our time alone together in his art studio, just to avoid the judgmental eyes and words that follow our unconventional love. I must stress that when this man and I are together there is no superior in the relationbship; we are compatable equals who share many interests and laughs.However, being together has almost corrupted our lives because friends/family/coworkers/etc.consider our dating absurd and perverse. It breaks my heart and causes me to reexamine this relationship everyday...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008):

hello-

i am a 23 year old work at home woman. I live with my boyfriend who is 33 years old. I got pregnant by accident. We're now engaged and I'm planning a baby shower. I don't regret this because he treats me better than anyone else ever has. He doesn't expect me to do hardly anything either. I love his personality, but I would definetly help him with a new wardwrobe. I never thought about our age difference because I never "saw" him like that to begin with. He was one of those men who had always been around and after a while he started to grow on me. We are beginning to learn about eachother more everyday, and truly care about one another.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008):

I am 14 and dating a 22 year old.

It doesn't bother either of us at all but friends seem to think it's a bad idea.

To me age is just a number, it doesn't prove how mature you are etc and shouldn't be what decides whether or not you have a relationship with someone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008):

hi im 20 and this guy im kinda seeing is 35. I really like him and he is quite immature so its kinda like dating someone my age lol but what bothers me is that he has two children one which is 19 only a year younger than me!!! im worried about my family finding out wgich is likly to happen and then i know they wont let me see him i can see where their coming from as he doesnt work and just a bit of an idiot to be honest but he a kind heart and always means well. i dont want it to last forever but i want to be with him until we both decide to chuck it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008):

19 to 31 is not a bad age difference at all. In my opinion, younger girls need an older man to show them the way, and keep them out of trouble, so to speak.

My first serious boyfriend, whom I began dating when I was 18, was 36 at the time. That was years ago, and I've always preferred older men ever since. My husband and I have a smaller age difference than I've ever had before (less than ten years!) but he's still noticeably older than I am, and is quite mature even for his age, so it works.

I've noticed that sometimes the men have some hesitation about what they perceive to be a big age difference. I think at times, they feel like they're violating a younger girl by being with her in that way, and in fact an ex of mine told me that's exactly what he felt. The thing they need from us is lots of reassurance that we don't feel pressured, that we want to be with them, that we're there of our own free will. The ones who are hesitant will come around if you give them plenty of reassurance that the age difference is not a problem for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008):

I know how you feel b/c i went to the same situation. I met my guy when I had just turn 19. At first it was nothing (we met at a mutual job) but then we noticed that we like being around each other. Well, he had just turned 34. We went out one night and 2 years 2 months later we are engaged and still going strong.

Good Luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008):

i really have no answer but my partner (25) and i (47) met 16 months ago moved in together and are totally emersed in one another. i understand the long term difficulties associated with this relationship but we both believe we were destined to be together, we have planned children soon and both realise the implications of my age but we would rather spend 10 to 15 really happy years together than seperate because of gossip ridicule and jealousy. yes we have lost friends but have gained a powerful bond that is almost soulful. if this woman finds someone to make her happier i would not stand in her way she has made my whole life worthwhile in a short period

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008):

oh wow. i'm going thru the same thing right now. i am 18 and the guy i like is also 31. i feel you! i honestly think there can be a connection. as long as he doesn't ACT or look that much older, it can definitely work. People make too big of a deal about age sometimes. It's mostly about how the person is inside.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008):

I am 26 years old and have been seeing a man who is 18 years my senior for the past 6 months. At first the age gap worried us both. We had been friends for a while just never thought something like this would happen between us. He also has 4 chidren (eldest being 17). In the beginning i was against it. But one cannot control how one feels. Now I forget that there even is an age difference. He is amazing his children are amazing.

My main concern/dilemma at the moment is how to tell my family about this man. He is 9 years younger than my father..... and has 4 children.

I am worried that my father will not accept this and disown me. (thats if he doesnt have a heart attack first)

How do i tell him.........

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

I am 19 and my boyfriend is 35. People give me negative reactions when they find out, and it's because they are purely ignorant. My boyfriend and I have a large age gap- however we connect on a level that suits us perfectly for a relationship. Stealing his words he once said to me "What looks good on paper isn't always good in the heart" meaning if you date a guy or girl who matches up age-wise, is just as intelligent, same job...whatever it may be- that in the heart it just may not be right! You have to set aside that difference in age if the connection is there and see where it takes you. Life is too short to be so judgmental based on a number. There are times yes, when he was at a concert in 1988 and I wasn't out of the womb- but why should it matter? There will be challenges of course- but isn't that true with ANY relationship? Good luck and remember, AGE IS JUST A NUMBER!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008):

Hi,

I had a 3 year full on relationship with a woman of 21 when I was 44, we lived together all that time, were together 24/7 and have a child now 7 who lives with me. It was very very good on some levels, but there are always people who will step in and make it their business to make it tougher than it need be (Reletives for the main) Eventually it was her wanting out - "better now than in a few years when our sons older" She was starting to be on a 'want to find myself' stage, and though things went very badly wrong for her after me, she had to try.. - I now have our son, and it's a reminder that we did have alot of love and brought each other alot..

I now have a failing relationship with someone near my age, and a much younger woman in the shadows, who is tempting but I'm trying to learn from the past, but it's not coming easy! Younger women are VERY appealing to older men! Sad but true, they do wonders for self asteem I guess?

The age differance relationship CAN give each person special exchange a same age relationship cant, but the future is almost certainly a parting at some stage, so be prepared, how ever much love or lust draws you together in the early stages..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008):

Hello! I completly understand where you are comming from! I was 19 when I met my current boyfrien who was 30 at the time. we did not think of each others ages as a bad thing. We had to much of a connection to care. I think if you feel it is a real connection than persue it...but do be carefull and wait at least six month of dating to jump in to anything serious. The "new love" stage should be over by then. Good Luck!

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A female reader, ilovej1608 United States +, writes (26 January 2008):

I dont see it as a problem since I am 18 and falling for a 27 year old!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008):

MY answer to your question"Is the age difference too much?"

HI dear friend.I am a 23 old girl,who read your story.I hope that I will be helpful with giving you information of my experience.

When i was 20 i had my first bf and thought that he's the one for me and that I love him and that we will marry and be together.He was 31. As you can see there isnt much of a difference between me and you now( i was only 1 year older than you) The sexual experience( if you have that) doesnt really matter now.The age gap is too big for sure and you dont have the experience that he had.He met and dated and was with many people.How do I know?Well think about it.He is the owner of that place..guess how many new people(girls) he meets every day?He can always find someone to be with(even for a night) When at that age, men want to have something nice and an ejoyiable experience again(since he is 31 and not 20 again)You might think that hes great just because he gets along with your friends and let you stay at his bar (even after its closed) or because he offered you to go to his party and so on..but sweetie.dont be fooled...it is not LOVE..and believe me i didnt want to listen to other people but you belong to a much younger group...let 25-26 be the highest age of the guys u meet..You may go on dates,You may even sleep with this guy..but there will be no connection as the one you have with the people your age.I know that because I saw it..i felt it.Sex was great( guess why,because of his long experience) but thats not all you are looking for right? On the other hand I want to date someone younger than me..with 2 years which makes me 23 and him 21..hhahaha,..now you are probably laughing :) I wonder what to do? But i am telling you, you dont need that guy for a serious relationship.if you want to use him for sex go on.think about the consequenses,pregrancy,disease,heart breaking pain and so on.and decide whats best for you and what you really are looking for.Just remember that he had lots of gf's and knows how to make u fall for him(he can use that,use you)think twice baby!!!!

take care .Hope I helped you.take care!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008):

I met my boyfriend when I was 19 and he was 30 and we have a great relationship =) It can work if you really want it to =)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007):

age should not be a significant factor.

if you love someone then take the situation for what it is. Different people are presented into your life for a reason and different relationships are proposed to certain people for what they have to learn in life. for those who fear the future, "but what about kids?" are they not also taking for granted the time and the person that has been placed in their life? it is a well known fact that the next moment is not guarunteed, but that the present is a gift. for those who fear social condemnation: those who preach faith to social norm lack the ability to fully see the true beauties in life. who was granted the ultimate power to say what age is morally right and who one will be able to find common ground with? live day to day and follow what you believe to be right, for if you do not take measures to ensure this...no one will. this is your one life, no one else is living it for you, so dont let someone else decipher what is good for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

I'm 22 and seeing a man who is 43. He's funny and charming and I feel we're on the same page most of the time. Unfortunately, my mother's marriage to a man 17 years her junior just ended so she is always harping on me to be careful/not plan for a family with this man/don't get too serious, etc.

It's difficult because I know she's right, but this is the first person I've dated in years that gives me butterflies. I feel like, for someone like me, dating a guy my age is a waste of time. I'm always let down by their immaturity, and this guy really has it together.

I guess I'll just take it one day at a time, but it is hard to give all of yourself when in the back of your mind you're always thinking about how temporary the relationship probably is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007):

I agree with some readers here, the age gap can contribute to relationship stress if involved for "life." You really do have to think of it in that sense as planing to have a life together, and even a family, can be a serious issue; especially if you want children but really, in all logical thought must have them earlier while the male is still young.

I, myself am a young woman who is interested in a man 17 years my senior. Although i believe i am not in love, i care for him and crave his presence when not with him. I also learn from him, which enables me to grow much faster than some agree, yet there is a saying; with age comes wisdom. I believe i have the best "head start" to life available; my mothers wisdom and my partners along with my own experience (which so happens to be with an older man!)

Now, with my partner in mind, i would like to have my child/children at the age of 23/24, enabling my partner to share the kids major years of childhood, without having to be two to three generations ahead. With that, there are countless issues raised regarding my career, our income together, our beliefs and so on.

One thing i did not mention here is maturity. I, as an induvidual, am an adaptable person, and in turn, am able to lead life as it progresses each day which is perfect for this relationship. But some may not be flexible, which can be irritating for either partner.

The only real shame is i am not older in years than i am spirit.

'The grass is always greener on the other side' some say. Of course everyone is going to find someone else, no matter what age or race, who they think will be better suited than their existing partner. That is the problem with modern day marriage.

-Polly

[email address blocked]

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

I'm 21 I recently got to know a girl who was 16.

Nothing came of it but we did get to know each other fairly well.

The difference in terms of maturity, interests and understanding is absolutely huge.

The difference that those five years make is quite simply astounding.

When she asked me whether I had seen the latest Harry Potter that was when the penny dropped.

Five years makes a huge difference.

A man in his 60's has the funds to entertain a younger woman and arguably treat her right.

But he is doing it for the wrong reasons.

Most of you probably know this or you wouldn't have to ask yourself this question in the first place.

Be strong enough to realise that there are better men out there your own age who you can connect with.

Love is unfortunately an over worked term.

Its fleeting, and easily adaptable.

Find someone else.

Don't sit in an awkward relationship when you don't have to.

Unless its me in 50 years then by all means look me up, otherwise no, just no.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007):

I had the same question myself. I just recently started seeing a man who's 42, I'm 22 but we've connected more than I've ever connected with anyone else. I'll admit the age difference did scare me off for a bit but when I'm with him I don't see a number at all. I'm glad so many of you feel the same way.

Love knows no number :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007):

Hi,

I am 42 years old and dating a man who's 17 years older than I am. I don't think that age is such a big concern for a loving couple. I had some concerns before meeting him. I used to think of such women as gold-diggers. I think there is not much difference with other couples except age. We face the same issues but these are solved differently. I finally find older men may be more sensitive, more romantic and more understanding.

There are more concerns from other people. We often hear comments from strangers (is she with her father? What is she doing with him?etc.) We have to ignore them otherwise they'll be poisonning our life. If they knew him, they'll know why I love him so much. Of course, it wasn't love at first sight. He fell for me first. I know it's frightening to date someone a lot older than you but let me tell you all the tenderness and love he gives me is worth a lot more than the concerns.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007):

I am 52 and my girlfriend is 23. If I had considered a relationship like this before I met her I would have had the usual stereotypical reaction. But I have been truly amazed at how well we get on, how we think alike, and how great our friendship/relationship is. Of course in this day and age no relationship is guaranteed to last forever... but if you meet someone who is 'The One' for you, then don't worry about age differences. Be happy and seize the day.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007):

im a 17 year old boy and i really really like this 13 year old girl and she likes me but i dont no if its right to go out with her because of the age difference

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007):

I am a 39 years old women and fall in love with some one of age 24.i think this age differnce is huge between us but he is not agree with it.we are allready 3 years togather now.in the begin thought his love will vanish with time it self but it did,nt.its not that i d,nt love him .i do but i d,nt want to spoil his life.he said clearly that he will spend his life only with me.what should i do?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007):

I'm a 52 old male and I am dating a 28 year old woman, so the gap is nearly 24 years. She works for me in a small newspaper (so I am her boss) and I needed a half year to realize that she is attracted to me. About a month after we started our relationship, she got pregnant (by accident I admit) and people at work found out about us. A week ago I asked her to marry me and she said yes.

At the beginning we both worried about some things: I have a 20 year old son (his mother is dead) so the age difference between him and my fiancée is smaller than the one between her and me and I'm also just one year younger than her father, but now I'm sure we can be happy together and I'm looking forward to the wedding and the baby.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

I am a 21 year old female and my boyfriend is 43 - We have been together happily for almost 3 years now.

In the future things may change between us but for now we are happy - live you life for the day as you never know what is round the corner.

Hope all works out well :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007):

No problem at all. Age should be no obstacle for love! I am 55 and dating a 25 year old woman. We love each other and she understand me very much. Take it easy!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007):

Im a 37 year old female and my fiance is a 23 year old male and we met over a year ago online hes from the Netherlands and we talked over the net for just 6mths and then we met on the 14th of february 07 and he now lives with me and i can honestly say that its the best relationship that i have ever had he is so loving and caring and hes really good with my two daughters one 16 and the other 12 he doesnt act like their dad wich is ok with all of us and it works this way they know that if they ever need him then he would be there for them and thats what counts for all of us they treat him with respect and he does the same, We all get along really well the only problem that we both have is jealousy issues from both sides but we talk and we are both very open and honest with each other and i think that helps alot, My advice for anyone thinking about entering into a relationship where there is an age gap is if it feels right then go for it. I for one know that i have never felt this way about anyone before and that we have a very close connection that keeps getting stronger we both understand each other so well.Just love each other and give each other the respect that you both deserve and be happy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):

I'm 19 and the guy I'm seeing is 30. I don't find the age thing to be a problem, but I think he probably does, because he only wants to see me once every two weeks and then he only wants to hang out after 10 pm. :( I feel like it's tremendously unfair. Is he ashamed of me? Am I unattractive, would he feel uncomfortable introducing me to his friends?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007):

hi there-

I'm 18 and I have found that a certain kind of men that are quite a lot older than me (~30 yrs)tend to really enjoy my company and perhaps fancy me- at first I was really flattered, but after a while I found that they mostly liked the way I got passionate in arguing about things and that they were not impressed by what I was saying but the way i said it - so if it is older men wanting to feel younger in the company of a young women that is not right in my opinion - especially if you consider long-term relationships

On the other hand that an age difference up to 15 yrs should not matter too much- it all depends on equalitiy - if you are 15 yrs younger than your partner and he can still learn something from you - there ist nothing wrong with that!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007):

I am currently madly in love with a man 11 years older. I'm 20 he is 31 we did have concerns but they soon left. It was hard to make the decision at start but def if he is gen. Go for it. See how it goes for a while. Your heart will lead u

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

I am 19 years old and i am datin a 45 year old man. when we started dating i thought that he was 32 because that is what he told me. Although he lied to me I got to the point where i cannot abandon our relationship because of our age difference. I love him and he is the first person that has ever loved me this much and he takes really good care of me. I'm just worried about marriage and children at this point, but i am going to deal with it one day at a time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007):

I am 44 years old and have typically dated younger men so to speak. I have dated from 20 to 48. I have to admit the younger ones are funner, and and less complicated than the older ones. It's about who you are and not what you are. Mark Twain said it the best "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." You should do what makes "YOU" happy ...life is too short to sweat the small stuff :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007):

I notice that this was originally posted in 2004, it would be great if the OP came back and let us know what happened in the end. Currently going through the same dillema as her...all your experiences and opinions have been very helpful to me so far.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007):

I'm 39 and my girlfriend is 22. We are both very happy, although it's still early days (3 months now), and all of her friends and family are fine and support her 100%. Don't let any age gap worry you, it's only a number, and if you're both happy, then go for it.

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A male reader, heyshaba Canada +, writes (9 June 2007):

5 to 15 age difference is nothing to worry about.

At 20 and more, you will dearly regret it in the next years to come. Trust me.

You think that love will conquer all, the "age is nothing a number" excuse or the "Oh, I know plenty of people with a large age difference and they're married x years".

BS. All that. Long term relationships with people with a large age gap end up with regret. When reality sets in, you will the dreaded "I told you so".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007):

he definatley likes u thats for sure. im at a point where i dont know bout the age difference tho- im' currently dating a 29 yr old, and i'm only almost 18. it didnt seem to really matter to me until we became 'official' and then i freaked out...he's probably looking for a lifetime partenr at this stage- and im really not. and there are a lot of diff experiences and such- but at the same time, i think it could work, so all the best to you, do wat feels right with you on the inside and u shouldnt go wrong, good luck =)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007):

this is very hard for anyone. for you, you are underage to drink. i'm dating a guy who is 20 while i am only 17. yes, it is a small difference, but it makes a world of a difference in experience, drugs, and dating. you may never know what may happen. of course you are an adult, it would not be illegal, but don't expect much out of it since it is a large age gap.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007):

I'm 21 and my partner is 34. The age gap doesn't really cause any problems, except for the 'childhood' times, when he realises i wasnt even born then :p

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007):

I am 18 dating someone who is 31. For myself I have only seen the age difference when we are casually joking around or he is talking about something from his childhood and releasing I wasn't born yet. However my family has a big problem with it, my relationship is almost a disapointment to them. But I am starting to see that I need to decide what is best for me because if I decide my relationships fate on what others say then that would be my immaturity showing.

Love is not for the weak at heart

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007):

I'm a 31 year old male, my girlfriend is 21. We fell in love but after a couple of months she got scared of what her family and friends might think, she broke up with me and I was devastated. But that didn't last long, she called me back, she knew we had something special. I just told her that it doesn't matter what others think, it's about how we feel, and that's what it's all about. Heck, look at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, shes 30 he's like 42... Age is just a state of mind, have fun, enjoy life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007):

I completely understand how you feel. I am currently 20 and the man I'm dating is 35! 15 years is a huge age gap but, from the moment I met him I knew there was a connection. The best part is that I wasent the only one feeling that way, he did too. I have doubts about our growing relationship.. he is now divorced and has a son who is 15. Those are things I'm not completely ready for, but each individual has commonalities and differences that the other may have never experienced, (regardless of age). If you feel its not just about sex, go for it because even if it turns out to be nothing.. you will have learned more about yourself and hopefully gained some knowlage about "older MEN".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007):

hi there whats up well i am going in the same direction as u. the only thing is that i am 20 and he 26 i do sometimes feel as if he dont understand me but i know its because of our age difference. but hold an and see how it works out just try to get to know each well befor any committed relationship

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006):

I am 23 and recently left a long term live in relationship with a man 15 years my senior. I started to feel that I wasn't getting the chance to be a twentysomthing, and was having responsibilities beyond my years.

Now a few months on I have stumbled into a relationship with a 46 year old man! strange huh? You can't help who you are attracted to, see how it goes, take your time and enjoy learning new things. This man can be a fantastic lover and a valuable guide. It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006):

I am also 19 and I am with a 45 year old man. Our relationship started out as purely casual sex and we agreed to it and expected nothing more. However, as the weeks went by he found more to love about me as well as I him, and we fell in love. We have talked about this many many times and have made it clear that what started out as something purely recreational was becoming serious. The day I left to go to college, he cried. C'mon. How many times do you see a grown man cry for a woman leaving town? I knew his feelings for me were genuine and strong, and he proves it time and time again with how much he worries about me and how much he wants to be here to whack away guys that are looking...

So to finally answer your question, the age difference isn't too much unless you plan on a serious relationship that may involve marriage. You have to ask yourself TONS of questions before you proceed with a relationship that is going to extend beyond a few months. Anywho...I hope that helps! ^-^

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006):

i am 18 and inlove with a 34 year old man, who is married with kids, but i know he realy likes me, is this too much?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006):

I do agree with the other responses here up until a point - let me tell you about my situation and see if that helps. I'm currently in a relationship with an other guy. We've been together 10 months, I'm 24 and he's 45. I am probably considered maturer than my age. Initially I didn't even think about the age gap, but now things have started getting 'serious' I am seriously considering logistically how the relationship could work in the future - say for example I wanted to have kids when I was 35, that would place him at 55....which is no age to 'start' again in my eyes. I also think it is wrong to start limiting your life at an early age such as mine - thinking of the things that i might not be able to do when really I should be seeing what happens.

Ok, alot of this is in my own mind, and hundreds of people would probably tell me that these things can be worked through and that love conquers all, but that is not my experience.

I hope this helps as an example of what could happen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006):

There is an eleven year age gap between my husband and me. When we first met he was 30 I was 19, and the age difference wasn't an issue. We got married not long after we met and have been together for nearly 19 years. I am now 39 he has just turned 50. We love each other dearly but the age difference now bothers him (not me). I think its because the physical side of our relationship has dwindled and he feels guilty. If you really like this guy go for it but also consider how things might be in twenty or thirty years time if you choose him as your life partner.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006):

There is a great deal more of a difference between 19 and 31 than there is between 31 and 19. Think about it, a 19 year old sees it as more than half her age, but a 31 year old probably doesn't feel like he has changed that much since he was 19 so the age difference is of very little importance. The biggest problem with age differences is that the two people may have fewer things in common because they have experienced different things, but that problem can exist in many other situations as well.

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A reader, Vampris, writes (5 January 2005):

I think he may like you.. and age has never been a thing with me... just make sure you talk to him and let him know how you feel. Good Luck hun

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):

I see no flaw in this. He seemed like a great guy from what you say about him, he is single and have no kids or anytihng as such but just a normal person whom seemed to make you happy. So hes just 10 years over you theres nothing wrong with that in persuing for it since both of you are well over the legal limits for marriage and all. I would say though to make sure its not a one sided love thing. If you say you suspect some disappointment from him, spend some more time with the guy so he would overlook that point of age differences perhaps. Of course if by all means you got to know yourself if its worth persuing a person older than you. If ultimately you feel that its worth it then by all means go for it. If all your efforts dont bare fruit to the guy and he still think age is a problem then I'm sorry to say but you would have to move on since he is like a tree whom had taken roots already and wont be sway so easily.

Good luck and I hope my advice proves valuable and may you find the guiding light to your answer~

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