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Is he the right man for me? I keep having doubts...

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Question - (13 March 2006) 13 Answers - (Newest, 6 March 2010)
A female , anonymous writes:

I am having a relationship problem that I can't figure out. I've been with my b/f for 8 mths but we were friends for years before. Every 2/3 months I keep having doubts on whether he is the right person for me. I've spoken to friends about it and they all seem to think he's not. However, when I chat to him about the issues, I feel much better and can't bear the thought of losing him... Am I kidding myself about the relationship or do I truly want to be with him? Help :-(

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A female reader, Christel Lebanon +, writes (6 March 2010):

Whenever you doubt a realtionship , then better quit it the soonest . If your friends don't think that he is the right guy , then at least you are missing social acceptance and that is critical in a relationship. If you think you wil meet a better guy , then take your time . Quit not working relationships the soonest.

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A female reader, jaydensgirl United Kingdom +, writes (6 March 2010):

well talk things out and see how it goes from there xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009):

YES i think you are really in love with him and jst coz ur m8z dnt fink his rite 4 u it dnt mean his not i think you will be perrrfect 4 each other.

so stay with him and see how it goes im sure it will be fine

GD LUCK ;)****

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009):

It is normal to second guess yourself you have to look at the picture. I always say if you an tolerate the irrating things a man do you can live with that man for a long time if not the rest of your life.I am not gone say it never happends but it is rare that you will meet prince charming and fall in love you can be sure that if you pick someone you make it work a relationship will only go as far as you let it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

Hi, i can relate to you, I'm in the same situation...what happened? happy ever after?..

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A female reader, berry-ann Ghana +, writes (20 February 2009):

i believe you felt safer with him when you were mere friends. eight months isn't much time to start asking questions outside your relationship circle. you agreed to be together if there's anything that makes you uncomfortable, you should be discussing it with him. crossing the friendship boundary will take you some time to get used to all that happens. i feel there might have been a little alteration somewhere. friendship is sweeter than stronger relationships. try to be more relaxed and study him for a while. there's no better man out there,we make them.think positive.

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A female reader, Lauretta United Kingdom +, writes (3 April 2008):

Noone else should ever be the one to tell you a relationship isn't right - you are the person who has to live it, and only you can know what passes between you and whether he makes you happy. That said, friends often have our best interests at heart. You haven't given much information, but I sense that you feel safe with him, and you fear the potential loneliness of being alone so you don't want to make the break. Usually, if you are unsure enough about a person to ask others advice it indicates it isn't right on a gut level. Trust your own instincts.

You need to ask yourself tne question: do i feel happy when I'm with him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007):

i love farrell

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007):

He is what you think he is. If you want him to be the right one then your heart will believe you. If you don't want him to be the right one then your heart will listen to what your friends think and everyone else around you. Just follow your heart and you'll be lead in the right direction to find what your looking for.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006):

Sounds to me like you recognize that he's a great person, and you really do care about him. And you've grown attached.

But this guy is definitely not right for you. End it as soon as possible; it will only get harder.

I was in the same situation once; everyone told me it was normal to have doubts, and that the grass is always greener on the other side. But when I started asking about how you know when you've met "the one," everyone said the same thing - you just know. And then I met someone I felt that way about, and all of a sudden, everything made sense. If I'd stayed with the guy who was really good but not great, I never would have found that truly fantastic kind of love. And everyone deserves that. Don't be too afraid to go out and find it. It's worth the risk.

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A female reader, Hopeful +, writes (14 March 2006):

Hopeful agony auntIt is a difficult situation because you don't want to rush and break up with him and regret it or you don't want to stay and be unhappy.

I was in a relationship with this GREAT guy, we had good fun and I respected him sooooo much - he is smart, funny, hard working, successful yet after a few months the niggle was there - I would look at him "are you the one" I would say to myself "are you right for me?" eventually it became too much and I decided the doubts were too big and it ended.

Turned out he thought exactly the same - liked me a lot but there wasn't that unexplainable chemistry, that special something.

We are great mates now and often joke about how great the other is but we know that we don't have it. We could be sorta happy together and carve out a life together but I would never make him truly happy and vice versa.

So the moral of the story is, are you happy with him? You don't need to know he is the one just yet but think deeply and decide if he can make you truly happy or just sorta content and then decide if you could live with sorta content or if you need to go out and find someone who makes you unbelievably happy!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006):

That's a question I ask myself all the time. However, not about what I want, and about what my gf wants. She also asks her friends, but when we're together, things are pretty good and relaxing. When we get into some arguments, she always brings up, "I don't want to be living in two worlds." Then I get pissed off and reply, "We're not going to be living in two different worlds. I never object you hanging out with your friends. Go ahead, have fun!"

It sucks when she goes to her friends and see what they think. I am sure her friends are quite important, just as mine, but at the very least, I have control of my own mind and my choices are based on what I want and not what others think we should have.

Just a couple of weeks ago, one of her friends told us that we are incompatible. I laughed inside but felt insulted. Incompatible people are those that don't get along on a personal level. Incompatible people are those who have different goals and hobbies that don't cross with the other - in which it becomes obstacles in each other's lives.

My side of the friends always say this to me, "We may give you an opinion, but ultimately, what is it you want? It doesn't matter what other's tell you, because no one else can feel what you feel."

Exactly my thoughts dear friend, and exactly my thoughts to you dear anonymous... 8]

You're not kidding yourself. I think most right-minded people would question their relationships anyway. Though I have more positive emotions for my gf than she does to me, I also question my future with her. Alas, I am a strong willed person with which I know what I want, what I can do, and what I am capable of doing. Simply put, I want my gf, I can learn to change and upgrade myself for her and for myself, and I know that I am capable of doing more in the future, etc, etc.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006):

If you've only been with your boyfriend for 8 months then you're bound to have niggling doubts. Its a learning curve- you're trying to see if you're compatable, its all down to how much you love one another whether you are commited enough to each other. You've got to have faith if you love him- stop analysing and go with the flow. CAb you be honest with each other? Can you talk to each other? do you get butterflies when he smiles at you? Don't listen to your friends, listen to your heart - only you have the answers!! Good luck

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