A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this man for a little over a month. He is significantly older than me (13 years) and pretty busy. We talked last Saturday and Sunday and we both said we wanted to take things slow due to failed past relationships (jumping into them too quickly). That's perfectly fine with me, but the problem is that we never talk. We Facebook message each other, but it's extremely brief 2 word phrases. When the weekend hits, we might see each other one day. When we do see each other, he acts like he really enjoys my company until I say something nice (he runs a gallery, so I told him if he ever needs help getting a show set up, to let me know) in which he kind of buries his head. That kind of happens with the facebook messages. If I compliment him, he never replies. He also lets me keep some toiletries at his house (which i brought due to plans the next day and keep forgetting to get) if I ever spend the night (which is rare; we don't have sex either).I really like this guy and want to get to know him, but it seems impossible and I feel like I'm just getting strung along. Should I talk to him and tell him what I expect with "taking it slow" or something? Or does it seem he really isn't into me at all?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I think you are worrying too much to stop and enjoy getting to know each other . A month is a short time ....and you need to talk and find out if there is genuine " chemistry " . Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and take your time . I suggest going on relaxed , fun dates and see where it leads .
I know you have been hurt in the past but try to see this as a fresh start . Good Luck!
A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (5 November 2009):
 Perhaps you are a little too gung ho. I mean at dating just over a month, why are you expecting things from him at all? He isn't a boyfriend, he is a date.
Stop putting your focus on just this one man, and accept some dates from other men. Early on in a dating situation you really should let him do all of the phoning and the asking for dates and not suggest that you would help him with anything, and I am talking a good three months here.
It is also smart not to have sex with him for at least 90 days anyway, he hasn't been on the job that long, you really don't know him and you need to keep your wits about you so that you can judge whether or not he would make a good partner for you.
I say just cool it and stop worrying about what he is doing...and start focusing more on yourself and having fun with your own life. There are plenty of men out there at your age, don't limit yourself to some guy who is too busy for you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  + ♥, writes (5 November 2009):
Well he is taking it more than slow. To not have sex is one thing, but to not speak is another. I would suggest that you try to sit him down and say that although you want to take it slow, you'd like to at least get to know him more through conversation. If he is still distant after this, then maybe he really isn't interested.
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