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Is he sick of me, and bored with me, that he falls asleep, soon after he arrives home?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 November 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2015)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Is my boyfriend sick or just sick of me?

He is fine and wide awake when he's alone and I'm at work. In the evenings he is fine and awake while out with his mates.

He will call me to talk on the phone during his 15 min

ute drive home. But once he gets home, and still talking to me on the phone, he falls asleep and I hear him snoring within 5 minutes of being home.

He is ALWAYS this way! When having a one on one conversation with me, he will fall asleep within 5-10 minutes!!! If he doesn't fall asleep it's because he talking to me while playing games on his phone or surfing the net or driving somewhere.

It makes me feel so bad that he is actually so bored talking to me one on one that he would fall asleep and start snoring after 5 minutes!!!

Should I just end this relationship? It sure seems like he's sick and bored of me!!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (25 November 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt I am not too convinced about the sleep apnea explanation... My father was a heavy smoker and the loudest snorer you can imagine, I could hear him from my room which was in the very opposite corner of our house ( and it was a big place with THICK walls..... ) Yet, I have never seen him falling asleep while talking to my mother or me or my sister, and I am sure that, as it happen in families, most conversation won't have been so entertaining, they will have been about banal, mundane stuff.. Ditto my BIL, who , albeit a non smoker and slim as a reed, is another powerful snorer. He suffers from sleep apnea and sleeps poorly , yet he never falls asleep during conversations, or the moment he sits down.

So I am thinking more like : does your bf drinks a lot ? Or, too much for his physique anyway ?.. because this is a thing that I have observed in a few heavy drinkers : Not necessarily alcoholists, but... people who drink a bit too much for their own limits. They'll stay awake if there's something very engrossing or overstimulating or that requires a conscious effort, but the moment the environment around them is quiet, unchallenging and routine, they will fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2015):

Hi... I'm the OP here.

Thanks for everyone's responses.

He is not obese and works out every daybat the gym.

I'm not sure if he has sleep apnea or not but he seems to only fall asleep on me.. no one else. He alwats complains that he doesn't sleep well at night even though he's slept 12+ hours. He would say he tosses and turns abd wakes up in the middle of the night. He says he'll wake up, can't go back to sleep so he'll play games on his phone, go online to watch youtube, or even head out to grab breakfast, before he goes back to sleep again. He blames a lot of it on his niece and nephew crying all the time waking him up and there were mice in his room etc. When I'm sleeping over at his place, I don't notice him getting up in the middle of the night and the crying isn't loud enough to bother me. So, I'm not sure why he's this way.

He doesn't work and has been out of a job for about 6 months now. This allows him to wake up around supper time, accompany me on the phone while I drive home from work and he goes out to pick up dinner.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2015):

I know someone like this. He works long hours AND smokes and the smoking makes him cough and snore during the night and he can fall asleep the second he lies down or sometimes sits down. He isn't obese but a guy I dated last year was clinically obese and did this SO badly that I could not sleep in the same bed for more than 5 minutes. It was like sleeping next to a train! He would also fall asleep on the phone if in a comfy chair.

It is only when either of them lay down or sat down that it would happen. When out and about, having fun, no problem. Standing up chatting with friends etc .. even sitting at a pub table. No sleepiness.

Sounds like your bf may have sleep apnea and he needs to get his general health checked out. Nothing to do with how he feels about you.

Also does he stay up late playing computer games? That will knock your life to hell as well.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2015):

To be honest yes I think he doesn't care much for you, otherwise who would fall asleep while talking to his lover, unless you are singing lullaby to him on the phone.

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (24 November 2015):

Garbo agony auntI think your man may have sleep apnea such that his snoring at night wakes him up because the oxygen if oft cut off. As a result he is constantly tired and can fall asleep so fast, so sudden. A man does not have to be too fat for this condition to occur because sometimes it is nasal passages that are too crooked. My dad had that issue and an operation cleared his nasal passages. Other times men with this co fiction wear this contraption on their face.

The other alternative to his snoring is lack of vitamins or some hormonal imbalance but I doubt that.

I'd suggest you get him looked at by a specialist because over a prolonged period of time his deprivation of sleep will cause other complications like high blood pressure, cholesterol etc.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (24 November 2015):

Honeypie agony aunt

Are you two living together?

If that is the only time a day you two talk.... I have to say if he is expecting you to be happy with 15 minutes attention a day, I'd say you are not getting your needs met. Does it mean he is bored with you? I can't say. It can be he doesn't HAVE anything to talk about, that he works pretty hard and that he doesn't seem to understand that talking is something most couples do.

And taking while driving in not only stupid, it's dangerous.

Have you asked him to put away the phone when you two are talking?

Does he show affection? Do yo two go out together? Do things?

I would be bored out of MY skull dating your BF.

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