A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing someone casually, sort of a no strings thing. I do like him but I am trying not to contact him as the no strings part of it is getting to me. I don't even know if we will see each other again unless he gets in touch - it is that casual. I stressed at the beginning that it couldn't be anything more for a few reasons but I still like seeing him and would like to continue for a while longer if he gets in touch again. The only thing I wonder about is how he stays away for so long. It has been weeks between meetings sometimes. I don't think he is seeing anyone else. He could be of course but if he was I doubt he would still see me. I don't ask to see him at all, he usually gets in touch and sort of timidly suggests it.Is it very obvious that he is just using me when he is desperate? I know I sound naive asking that but it's not nice to think that he is but i know if he did like me he would want to see me more often, wouldn't he? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 June 2014):
 He stays away for so long because he has a life, maybe a girlfriend or a wife too.
The reason he is timid when he suggests a meeting is probably because he knows it's weeks since he last saw you and he's pushing his luck by asking to see you.
I don't think 'you' see it as casual and 'you' want more, because your on here wanting answers. Its a problem now,your arrangement, so I would just forget he exists and ignore his next request.He isn't desperate he's just a casual sex partner, so are you. It's what you wanted and suits him.
Find a new man for a partner, don't tell him you can only do no strings sex because you don't like that arrangement.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2014):
 Why couldn't he be seeing someone else ? It does not sound like you are close so you have no odea what's really going on in his life. You say you doubt that if he had someone else he would still see you- this ,if he had a steady partner, perhaps - but why couldn' t he be seeing someone else as casually as he is seeing you ?
I think it's in fact probable that he has other sexual options.
The ibvious other possibility is , like you say, that he is just not that into you. He does not have to be " desperate ", but yes, it sounds reasonable that if he liked you enough he would not let weeks and weeks pass between encounters .
Be aware though that harbouring this kind of thoughts ( does he ACTUALLY like me, is there someone else, HOW MUCH does he like me ) ... is not in the no strings spirit. No strings also means no emotional strings- if you have to ask yourself all these questions, and suffer about not having a firm answer, ... maybe it's time to get out before it starts huring for real.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 June 2014):
 Doesn't "no strings" mean no commitment and no explanations for anything necessary?
I think what you have is the relationship you have allowed. You stressed no strings, you got it. If that is becoming a problem for you, well, end it. You don't even need to have 'the talk' because you are 'no strings.' Thus there are no strings to cut or comment on or explain.
Who knows what he has going on in his life? Maybe this distance has nothing to do with you at all, it has to do with whatever challenges or issues he's dealing with.
If you are this confused and unhappy with the situation, end it and move on! Don't ask for what you don't want, next time. Don't insist on no strings if that is not what you want.
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