A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I haven't had a relationship in four years, and my last one started very fast, so I think I'm a little lost with my current situation and would love some help. Around mid June, I met this guy online. We exchanged a few messages and met in person soon after. He was a really nice guy and we started hanging out more often (going to events, having a coffee, etc). Eventually, we started having sex. I considered we were friends with benefits until one day he asked me if I would mind if he hooked up with someone else. I said that I didn't like it, but that we weren't really dating per say, so if he wanted to do it, he could. He said, he didn't. He thought we both cared about each other and that he would like to see where this was going. I agreed. We've continued seeing each other, sometimes we'll meet for drinks, or sometimes we'll go to parties together. We'll text every day, (not about sex but about our days). The other day, I had a bad day and he called me to cheer me up. I didn't expect it at all, but it made me really happy. Now, we see each other about once a week, and lately, I've been the one initiating contact to meet up. When we started, he was the one always asking to meet up and it would be at least 2 or 3 times a week. However, I'm not sure if it's normal, but the texting has gone down, and he's definitely not as sweet through text as he used to be. When we meet in person, it's fine. We'll hold hands, kiss... He used to share much more about him and his plans, but now he isn't. For instance, just yesterday I discovered he had been invited to a party and he was planning on going. (Which, I found weird because two weeks ago he invited me to go to another party with him- so, why not this one?). He's also been invited to an event on Sunday and I found out yesterday he might go. It's an event where there will possibly be people I know as well and there will likely be an after party. There are times he speaks about the future and times where he says things like "well, from here to December anything could happen in." He's also making plans about trips with his friends, events, etc. and not including me or even asking if I want to come. (Back in September he invited me to meet his friends but I thought it was too soon and I was too nervous, so I said no, not yet).I am very shy and he's not. He's actually told me that he feels bad because I'm so quiet while he's out and about doing the rounds to whichever event we've been to. I told him, that it's ok. I don't mind and I like to watch him being so sociable. I'm not very talkative and I like listening. I have a hard time meeting new people and just introducing myself. I'm working on it, but it's a slow process. I am a little bit insecure, since it's been so long since I've been with anyone. I know I can't control his every move, nor do I want to... but I feel like he's keeping things from me. I guess a bit afraid that he'll meet someone else, more extroverted... and I'm not sure if we're building something or I'm developing feelings and he's just playing around with me while looking for someone else. Any insight would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2015): I don't want to be rude but if you like him you have to tell him. But knowing him he would prolly say no so in your best interest just take him out of your life. Find another guy ... who treats you better. And let this guy figure things out. If its meant to be he will come back if not you will be over him soon. I hope it helps .. and good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2015): Sounds like this is dying a death.personally I don't get friends with benefits, but hey if that's your thing guess you had your fun now this is coming to an end.
If you do want a an actual relationship next time though, possibly establish that you are dating exclusively before the sex. Someone who is happy to date other people (and you to do it too) but still have sex with you is clearly uninterested in a proper relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 October 2015):
 I think I believe him when he says he wasn't seeing anyone else, but one thing for sure is that he doesn't want a full on relationship. A guy who is serious would not ask questions to test you and wait to see what happens. He would make sure to date you so no one else could have you. FWBs all start out when you feel like it's okay, why not give it a try but then boundaries get blurred and you don't like to be used. I think people who like space a lot can handle FWBs but won't like it when they are replaced, or just get together for physical needs and nothing else. FWBs have an expiry date because what start them are the excitement and novelty. After a period of time there is no love to keep it together. No one likes to say, "hay your time's up, there's nothing interesting anymore so goodbye." You are as free as he is. I think you two are just fading out. No need to take anything personally or feel there's anything wrong with being introverts. When it comes to long term relationships the lifestyle suits introverts better. You both had your fun. No need to feel like a victim being played.
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