A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:I have a question so I met a guy in a dating site three weeks ago we chatted through text for two days and have gone on three dates..1st date we went out to eat I picked the place and he paid then we went out for a few drinks near his house since he said he knew a good place. So as the night was coming to an end I needed to go pee and stupidly I asked of I could use his bathroom. As I came out he reached out and kissed me.. I pulled away and he reached out and kissed me again he was a little tipsy so we has a passionate make out session.. 2nd date he reached out and asked to go to lunch but then he made it in his town so I ended up driving near so we made out again he asked me to go down on him as we got passionate but I didn't and he wasn't forcefull.. Again he texted to check in the week with short texts 3rd date we went to the museum but I met him at his house and we made out again we didn't have sex and he wasn't forcefull but we made out and then cuddledHe again has checked in with me during the week- he always says he is busy but checks in since he is a traveling consultant for his job he is 33 I'm 27Now I am very curable and I have maintained to be celibate for three years after an anusive relationship one the second date I asked him what happened relationship wise he said it was a couple of months ago and qouted she didn't know what she wanted - and he also said look I find u attractive and I don't want to rush I kind want to see where this goes I mean I don't know exactly what I want but I want to continue this ...So he checked in this week again and on the dates I have paid too cause I don't want to seem like I'm taking him for a ride but to me it seems like he is just sexually interested in me??? We are both attracted to each other but is he just looking for hookups ?? I just noticed him log into the dating site again but what's confusing is that he hasn't really pushed me to sex but has made out with me.. Should I even bother to find out - my sister was like I doubt he has someone cause he wouldn't bring u to the apartment very weekend but it doesn't mean he isn't talking to someone also I looked at the apartment no signs of women--- what discourages me is that he logged in the dating site twice so I'm thinking if I don't give t to him he is not gonna talk ----- should I just be upfront with him and be like if ur looking for a hook up forget it?? I mean I don't know him that well??
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 September 2013):
 I agree with SVC, quite a few "red flags".
Slow down. Keep the dates to PUBLIC places. And spend time getting to KNOW him, not just to know his body.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 September 2013):
 It's amazing how "patient" we guys can be, once we've indentified a woman who we would like to bed... and who we think has exhibited enough interest such that we can "conclude" that just a bit more patience will be sufficient to get her to remove her clothes and end up in bed with us....
To counter that, you might want a copy of my pamphlet, titled: "Why would an otherwise clear-thinking woman fall for some guy's outlandish line, which - obviously - is just another brick in his wall of legitimacy... but which really is just his attempt to get you to put out"....
Hope this helps...
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): Perhaps he is logging on the dating site to check whether you have logged in? Just a thought. Oh the joys of online dating.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2013):
 he always has you come to his area
he asked for a blow job on the second date
you are physical with him from day one
yeah your waving red flags are there for a reason
make him come to you...
don't accept any last minute dates
do not go to his place
do not neck in a car with him
if he is interested in you as a person you will know as soon as you stop making out and cuddling with him for your dates.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 I think he has his sights set on getting you to put out for him and it doesn't matter if he gets it on the first date or the tenth date, his MO is to primarily go for the sexual experience without really getting to know you or respect you.
I think it's an excellent idea to meet somewhere public for the next few dates, don't meet him at his place or go back to his. Spend some time talking and check out if he keeps bringing the conversation round to sex all the time.
A decent guy who is really interested in you for YOU will not keep bringing sex up or getting you into positions where he can make out heavily with you.
You only had a few dates with this guy and it's way too soon for anything more than a quick kiss and a hug.
The fact that he has checked into the dating site whilst courting you suggests he feels he is getting close to his goal of having sex with you, and he could possibly be lining up his next conquest...
What other reason could there be if he is so into you and wants a relationship?
There are several websites on the net which instruct men how to use dating sites to groom women into sex. These sites contain information about how to lie to women, what to say women so that they feel they have no choice to refuse sex and also information about lining up several women and setting time frames for getting laid the most times in a short space of time and instruction of how to get rid of women once they have had sex with them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): I know you probably don't want to hear this because it sounds like you might be more interested in this guy than he is with you at this moment...I'm not saying he is not interested in a relationship down the road or that he is just looking for sex however, you have only been out on 3 dates. Nothing has been discussed about your expectations or his. He may very well be keeping his options open which actually, he has every right to do. He has made no promises for the future with you nor has anything been mention about being exclusive. The only way you are going to figure out what is up with him is to sit down & lay it all out on the table. Let him know what you are looking for by dating this guy & hopefully he will be just as honest with you about what he is looking for. I do commend you for not falling into bed with this guy, though. If I were you I would stick with that..if you two go out again try to refrain from getting into hot passionate making out sessions with him. That may be just encouraging him into thinking sooner or later you will succumb to his advances. Asking you on the 2nd date to go down on him was not only disrespectful of him but, makes me think that is possibly all he is looking for with you regardless of whether he is forcing you or not. I'm sure he isn't stupid...he's not about to force anything knowing he could be accused of something if he doesn't return your feelings.
You did say that he is a traveling consultant which could very well mean he isn't looking for anything permanent right now in his life. Also, in my experience when a man tells you he is busy that is just a nice way of saying he likes you & may enjoy your company but, you are not the one...not right now, anyways. If he was truly interested he would find the time to see you more often & also, contact you more than a couple of times a week. Like I said before, the only way you will know where you stand is to talk to him. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): AS long as you frequent dating sites you will encounter players
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (12 September 2013):
Communication is the key. Tell him your expectations. Tell him what is important to you. Also tell him that you are not into a "hook up". You are looking for a lasting relationship.
Be Honest with him (and yourself). Maybe he will open up and tell you what his needs are.
Don't settle for less! You have made a noble commitment to yourself. Stick with it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): Go with your gut OP, this guy is too interested in sex and coming on too strong too soon. OP just because he's not forceful doesn't mean he isn't engineering every date to be near or in his house where he can make a move on you.
And my god, who asks for a blow job on the second date? I mean it's fine if they're given but to ask for one is crass.
He's too forward OP and you should talk to him about that.
Make your next dates public and don't go be alone with him for another few dates if you want to test him out.
Don't ask him if he's only interested in a hook up, he'll just say no. The only way to find out is to tell him you're not interested in just being a hook up and then make the next few dates public and not go be alone with him. Telling him you're doing this and why is important as you don't want to seem disinterested either. It's possible the guy just doesn't have much experience of dating.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Hi talk to him, and tell him your expectations. He is obviously going on to the dating website to keep his options open or he is seeing other woman. A talk without sex and make out session at a coffee shop is what's required.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): So you have been on three dates, but he is still logging on to his dating account? Hmm, doesn't sound good to me, sorry sweetie.
He seems quite forceful in getting intimate, and just coz he doesn't push you into having sex, doesn't mean he isn't putting a little pressure on you.
Ask him if he just wants a hook up, and that you were a little concerned where this was going coz you saw him log onto his dating account.
Doesn't look like its going somewhere to me. But just talk to him. You won't know unless you ask.
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