A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Is he just freaking out or will he eventually commit. I have met this man of 36 one year and 3 months ago, we started dating after 2 months of knowing each other first as friends and he pursued me constantly until we really just fell for each other and started dating, we spent out entire summer and fall of 07 together, spent Christmas day with each other, he told me he loved me first in October, and due to an ex girlfriend we had a fight and broke up right after to get back together but not as tight as before in December, then after 3 months we were really getting on like a house on fire, and then he told me about an old high school friend in an unhappy marriage that he thought was having an emotional affair with him, I did something stupid and confronted the issue with her, and she has since backed off and went with her husband more, but he got mad and broke up with me right at Valentines Day, and then we got back together in March, but he kept saying he wanted to be friends, he started dating another girl and she asked him to be her boyfriend, she is 38, and it lasted two weeks between them, she was jealous of me as she knew how long we were together and could still see how close we were, she asked him to get me out of his life for good and he said no, and then she went into a rage, and he decided over that two week period that he never wanted to date her again, then a week later, we spent a day together that was like no other, we talked about intimate details of our families, more in depth than before, I asked him where he saw himself in five years and he said he wanted to be doing better in his job and possibly move away from our town, and I told him I wanted to be married, and he asked if I was just looking to do that, and I said no, I just think I will be so in love that I will want to finally get married (I have never married and I am more than 10 years older than him).Now we have always talked about opening a business or working together, and an opportunity came up for a job and we both applied and were offered the positions, problem is it is three months before you get a commission check and the job is 100% commission with high income potential, as he has child support payments and preschool payments for one child along with insurance and other bills, he was worried he could not afford to quit his current job and take this one, I offered to let him stay in my family's lake house, which is about equal driving time away from the job as my house, but out of town.....we have been sexually intimate the last three months, but not with a solid commitment on his part, even though neither of us have had sex during that time with anyone else, he claims he wants to remain single for at least a year. But that day like no other that we spent together, he asked me if I wanted to marry him, you said you wanted to be married....and I did not answer him....and we just continued our day.....we did make love that day too, and I considered it making love and so did he.Then he started making arrangements to move out of his rented house, make arrangements for his child visitation which would change, arrangements to move and store his furniture and then he told me he was panicking about changing jobs and moving all at once and he worried that I was going to think that we were together. ???????? He volunteered to not even date anyone for the next three months while he was living with me and that he would not disrespect me, he offered to help me as he has done in the past with things I need done around the house, and he swears he will not take me for granted....but he rode his bicycle over to talk to me one day without calling first and he wanted to tell me about his panic attacks he had been having, and I had to reassure him that if I got mad at him or something while he was living here that I would not kick him out, and that he could live in my house with me in our town instead of by himself at the lakehouse, and he said that made him feel better....he has been calling me several times a day as ususual and he has wanted to see me for the last couple of days and I have been too busy....I think he feels a bit emasculated and that is why he is acting like he is single and he will stay that way, even though he happily asked me a week before if I wanted to marry him (not in the form of a proposal) It is like I would have to be the one to propose because I have more money and security than he does and I am older....but I am really confused...do I pay attention to what he does or what he says? How can he promise to be on the same page as me, stop dating other women and live with me when it is for financial reasons, but also it makes us work on a common goal together, we get the same days off where before out schedules were at odds and have been since we have know each other, and actually has been more so the last three months due to my schedule change at work, this job change puts us carpooling to work, living together with the same days off work, and helping each other succeed at the new job. Now that seems like we are working together as a couple, but he says he wants to be single, yet he has sex with me when I let him, and all the rest.So do you think he is just scared? He has been saying that everything looks weird to him lately, he looks around at work and feels like he is already gone, he thought about his death the other day and who would come to the funeral, the sun seems different, like Colorado where he moved from (where he has always complained he wanted to go back to but couldn't and was sad he was stuck in our town with little job opportunity because he has a child) he feels like he has died and been born again. I have to mention that he suffers from epilepsy, but has it under control with medicine, but these thoughts and panicy feeling, he feels have something to do with that.So do you think he may be considering settling down with me in the future but is just afraid that he won't have any control because he had to move in with me this way? We are very close, we get along great and have a lot of fun together, and we have great connection with each other, the main thing is that I am much older than him and he is very handsome and girls are always flocking to him...and I feel insecure and he used to reassure me, but lately he doesn't because I got mad at him for reassuring me instead of committing. He hasn't told me he loves me since last October....so what do you all think, is he just going to stay my friend and nothing more?
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affair, at work, broke up, christmas, ex girlfriend, get back together, got back together, insecure, jealous, money, period Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (26 June 2008):
 He sounds incredibly immature and somewhat selfish. Perhaps your age difference bothers him, or the fact that you earn more. I personally don't think he knows what he wants and he's behaving like a man-child. A child in a man's body. Unfortunately until he grows up and figures out what he wants (some men never do) he will continue to mess with your head and want to have it both ways -- be single and available to other women who interest him, but still have the safety net of running back to you when he feels like it. Only you can decide if you like these arrangements. I don't really see a future with him.
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