A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I got to know a man at his place of work. I used to go there for business related issues, and we got to talking. He then got transferred to another location (also near by) and hinted for me to pass by and say hi. I thought nothing of it, just friendly jargon. I bought a few Xmas gifts for all the employees (including him) and dropped one off for him and made sure to state that I was dropping off gifts to his co-workers at the other location as well so that it would not be perceived as being too personal. The gifts were nothing special, just an old fashioned box of holiday chocolates.When I went to give him the thank you/xmas gift however, I sensed that he was looking deeply into my eyes and he mentioned several times to call him or drop by. There were moments of silence where he was gazing into my eyes and I could see his throat tightening ( a gulp). He looked like he wanted to say more but couldn't. He kept talking to me and kept asking me questions to get to know me better and even though the questions were all friendly in nature, I felt like he was giving me a lot of attention and smiles. He knows I am married and that I have 2 children. He was not coming on to me in any sleazy way, just a look of admiration...like a guy who could fall in love with me. I know the look of a guy who can fall in love!When I left, he kissed me once on my cheek while hugging me (brought me close to him) for a long 3 seconds. I am overwhelmed and flattered by all this. I truly want to be his friend (on a professional level) but I am not sure if I should mention limits down the road even though nothing has ever been said by him. I don't want to embarrass him or create an awkward moment. I fear that I will run into him one day with my husband and that my husband will wonder why we are so comfortable talking to each other (even though there really is nothing from my end, although I won't lie, when he got physically close to me, I did feel a little attracted to him- perhaps it was pheromones in the air...lol). I do not want to lose a professional acquaintance over this and I certainly don't want to offend my husband either. Not sure if it is possible to have the best of both worlds? Was I reading into these signals too much with the long gazes and a longer than standard hug? Also, it was one kiss on one cheek (not on both, which I would have felt would be more ''professional'' or maybe no kisses at all....he repeatedly told me to call him if I had ''questions'' but the way he said it insinuated something other than ''me having questions''. He asked me to pass by as well, and gazed into my eyes while saying these things.What do you guys think? He knows I am married and he was not bothered the slightest by me having children and being a few years older than him. I also did sense this guy was a little jealous of my husband when speaking about him. I feel overwhelmed!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2014): If you are worried about running into this guy when you are with your husband, then simply tell the whole situation to your husband in advance, making a joke of it,that you have an admirer at work who acts silly every time he sees you.I am sure he will understand and have a good laugh.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2014): I am the OP of this question. To those who answered, thank you.Just one thing though: Should I explain to this guy that I can't go to his work place anymore as I fear that the boundaries may have been overstepped? OR should I tell him that if he runs into me and my husband that a 'friendship' would not be understood or appreciated by my husband? One of you asked if he is married. He is not married and perhaps this is why he doesn't truly understand the implications of having a 'friend' of the opposite sex. The other option is to avoid this guy completely but then how should I react if I am with my husband and I run into him? Should I just explain to my husband that this is so-and-so from the company X that I go to and he was always helpful...? I did quickly mention to my husband that I was served by a nice guy there before.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 December 2014):
 Is it possible that because YOU are attracted to him you are reading into things?
FWIW, when i run into men I work with that I am VERY comfortable with and I hug them or introduce them to my husband he would never question WHY we are comfortable together. We are co-workers and as such we spend a great deal of time together. NOW if I ran into a crush I had with my husband I would be all sorts of nervous.
WHAT does it matter what he feels???? You are married and that means he's a co-worker you have a crush on nothing more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2014): You don't mention whether he is married too or not, but anyway that is not important. He is obviously very interested in you and probably has fallen for you. This situation is really tricky for you.I would say it is best if you stop seeing him and cutoff your business relations with him because there is nothing other than pain for all involved.
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