A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hiI am worried about my bf of two years.He drinks alcohol alot but I don't know whether I should class him as an addict.sometimes he'll go for weeks without drinking but others he drinks every night of the week and even when he has hardly any or no money he will spend his last bit on alcohol or lend off people in order to buy it.He says that it helps him forget bad things that have happened in the past and that it helps him sleep but he won't listen to me when i try to encourage him to stop.he says he could stop if he wanted to but he enjoys it too much.it really gets me down when he drinks because i am left feeling isolated and i have to take care of him.it also makes me feel incredibley upset because i hate seeing him in such states.we have had many arguments about it and i cant seem to get it through to him that drinking is not the way to deal with things.he promised me he would stop drinking in front of me but it only lasted a week or so and now whenever i question it he comes up with an excuse.i am really on the end of my tether...our relationship has nearly ended a few times but i cant let go...i want to help him...i love him and don't want to make things worse by leaving him when i should be there for him but its getting to the point where im sinking into depression....please please give me any advice at all...anything which will give me some answersthank youx
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (13 October 2009):
 Being that I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict (8 years clean and sober) what I can tell you is that as much as you love him, that he can only stop when he has had enough of it. he will not stop permaently for you or for anyone else . He most likely has come nowhere close to rock bottom.
But yes, young lady. from what you tell me here he exhibits all the signs of someone who is an alcoholic. And if he is close to your age, then I suspect that his rock bottom may be a long ways off. It took me nearly 30 years of doing drugs and drinking heavily to get my act together.
believe me, every time I stopped and then started either drinking or doing drugs uit got progressively worse.
But that does not mean you have to watch him slide into the abyss or drag you down with him.
At this point I can only suggest that you set your limits with him, as far as what you will tolerate. Short of a family intervention to get him into treatment or a 12 step program of some sort you have to be prepared to end this relationship because as much as someone who is an addict will tell you that they will change, it is only when their life has hit rock bottom that they can begin to recover. And until that happens, he will only drag you down with him.
I also suggest that if you want some online resources for yourself for maybe some co-dependency support groups in your area, that you PM me. I will be more than happy to help you in any way I can also if you want to consider getting an interventionist(I know that may seem drastic, but sometimes the intervention may be the best gift you ever give somebody).
Best of luck, and please feel free to contact me if you need any further assistance
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