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Is he a rebound relationship ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2006) 7 Answers - (Newest, 4 September 2006)
A male , *olly123 writes:

3 months ago my girlfriend split with me the next day she went of with another man however she kept coming back to me for sex and telling me she misses me, in the 3 months they see each other everyday and have been away 3 times together, is he the rebound?

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A female reader, Amethyst United States +, writes (4 September 2006):

Amethyst agony auntLike I said in your private message, she's probably just using you... (as reconfirmed by everyone else replying here).

I believe that if she's making it obvious she only comes around you for sex, she just likes what you've got and is using you. You deserve better, you wouldn't have left her for someone else and then come back to her saying you missed her, just to have sex and then be on your merry way with your new lover, would you? It seems to me like she's been with him a lot longer than you might think, and just broke it off with you to go to him....

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A female reader, bonym United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2006):

bonym agony auntNever mind if he is the rebound, she is using you and more importantly, you are letting her do that to you. Colly, dont you think you deserve to be treated better? She split with you, she ended the relationship, but the sex hasnt ended, she has the best of both worlds, a free, open, no commitment relationship. I think your ex may have some self esteem problems and feels the constant need to gratify herself with sex, my friend, stop being used by her, you deserve better. xXx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006):

Colly it's not that you are better than her, but it does seem like she has some way to go to deal with her emotions.

It sounds like you are holding out for her, yet you judge her as being less of a person than you are for the way she is acting. This is not healthy.

She is using you, and she is using her rebound guy. The best thing you can do for this girl, if you really do care about her, is to cease physical contact with her.

She could be in her rebound relationship for years, or it could end tragically in days. You never know. Rebound relationships often work for people when they have either been hurt, or are emotionally confused and in pain. It's what they see as the best way of dealing with the situation at the time.

And trust me pal - don't try understanding behaviour like hers - it'll just cause you heardache. Try and move on with your life, and allow her to do the same.

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A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (31 August 2006):

Ponungalungb agony auntI wouldn't call him the rebound. . . I'd call him the slam dunk - he's seeing her every day. You, on the other hand, I'd call the pivot man (since we're using basketball analogies - LOL), 'cause she is using you for a little action on the side. She's dribbling the ball and passing it too (another basketball analogy - variation of having her cake and eating it too - LOL). Seriously, I'd forget her and move on.

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A male reader, colly123 +, writes (31 August 2006):

colly123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for your advice, i dont know what to do because her behaviour isnt natural to the point where she would sleep with me one day and then the same day i would see her out with him, is there something wrong with her? i know i am far too good for her, do ou think it will last between the two of them, he is also 10 years older than her and she works with him so im just worried she is getting herself into a real mess, is this a road to disaster?

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A female reader, Helen1986 United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2006):

Helen1986 agony auntI think maybe he could be a rebound but she is being very unfair on you and the other man. You have to put your foot down next time she comes back to you. Tell her that she has made her bed and now she must lye in it. Ask her what she really wants, is it you? or is it the other man she wants? Tell her she cannot have both. If she does not give you a straight answer send her straight back to the other man. It will be hard on you but it will be the only way for you both to get over eachother.

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2006):

Wendyg agony auntAre you still having sex with her ? In which case you have to stop it as shes seeing someone else and is clearly trying to move on, but at the same time didnt want to give you up. But problem did get you out of her system hence being away with the new guy. Why are you bothered if he is her rebound guy ? If you cut all ties from her it wont bother you. Dont allow her back in the door and move on, its not healthy for either of you to carry on in that way. Your are either together or you are not... ifs shes with him now and nothing is occuring with you two.. leave it, move on and stop stressing, so what if he is a rebound ? its her problem not yours move on with your life, sitting wasting your time stressing about her is not living, get out and find someone knew and start living agai, if you dont before you know it life will have been and gone.

Take care x

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