A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!I am a 26 year old virgin, and the reason why I have remained one is that I've not been truly in love until now. I am currently in a very loving relationship since more than a year, and yet we haven't had sex. Of course, my boyfriend is very supportive and understanding, and says that it will happen when it has to... let's take our time and is just great. Predictably, of course, I want us to make love. But, I am scared of how I will react, because when I was young (around 19), a classmate sort of tried to abuse me... and that has affected me since. I respond to kisses and all that, but, as soon as it gets any more deeper, like say kissing my breasts etc, I simply don't feel a thing. How do I overcome this? And, of course, is the first time sex any different for a 26 yr old than it is for a 16 yr old?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You Double M
I am not exactly a mental-virgin... just a physical one.
And let me clarify you about girls of my culture. I have lived in metros and in villages and in small towns... They are just as curious and adventurous when it comes to sex and all. Also, there are very few who don't experience some kind of sexual adventure at a young age or before marriage... it is just that this is not something we talk about... call it hypocrisy or deferring to traditions and societal laws... but this is the truth!
So, thank you all.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  + ♥, writes (22 October 2009):
 You're welcome, but please allow me one more suggestion.
Most of us begin our sexual lives in stages, such as kissing, then heavy kissing, followed by fondling, rubbing (through clothing), and possibly going as far as some breast exposure and suckling. That stage seems to be about where you have ventured.
Then, if all goes well, we may progress to very heavy kissing (making out), advancing to nude fondling, and such things as vaginal fingering by the male, and penile stroking by the female hand job). These sessions make be many over a period of days, weeks or months. In both scenarios, one or both partners make experience an orgasm - most likely the guy. With some knowledge, skill and proper technique by the guy, the girl may also eventually climax, but it can stop there.
It is not necessary to plunge into intercourse on a fast track. These days, particularly in Europe and America, girls may also provide oral sex for boyfriends before they allow vaginal intercourse. Then, if a relationship seems worthy, full intercourse (preferably using birth control and safety) may follow.
The point is . . . go at your own pace, and in stages.
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A
male
reader, Spiralvector +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Sounds like a good man worth trusting. Try to trust him and do what you want to do. Once you find out he really cares and accepts all parts of you, I think you will find yourself becoming more comfortable and less scared with all of it.Also I always liked the sex is like pizza analogy. Even when its bad, its still pretty good :P
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (21 October 2009):
 Your welcome i am so glad you have such an understanding man you hold onto him.Gina
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You Female Anonymous, your answer has provided me with a lot of solace and courage too.
Thank You everyone, Gina, and Anonymous and Double M and Moviefan...
I'll update and let you know, how things went.
Thank You all
Love :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): It may not be related to your abuse. You are not used to sex and so it's an awakening that'll take some time. The first time many women have sex it is exploring. Couples agree to explore - if there is mutual trust.
If its not actually unplesant just go ahead with it, if you are eager otherwise... Don't be afraid of asking questions, of exploring and of understanding your body and his. Desire, intense desire and all that will happen once you are comfortable with your sexuality and anticipation build. At the moment your body does not know what to anticipate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Gina
I spoke to my boyfriend about this... but left out the freezing part, as I am getting over this slowly. Also, didn't want to hurt my man. He is great and I think that he will help me get over this... I can see how much he wants to. So...
Thank You all
Love :)
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (21 October 2009):
Well done to you for keeping your virginity so refreshing to hear this.
I think the abuse has affected you, and i would try and confide in some one to talk this over with, a close friend maybe?
If you are feeling as you do when someone tries to touch you, i think that needs addressing i can understand why your like this because you have connected the abuse and anything sexual as taboo and you freeze?
You really need to speak to someone over this a counsellor or a therapist in this field would help enormously.
As far as a 26 yr old and a 16 yr old having sex, i would imagine a 26 yr old is more mature and more ready to cope with having sex.
Maturity helps with everything i feel and before you get any older please go speak with someone about this problem, because you don't want every relationship you go into tarred with what has happened to you in the past, good luck.
Gina
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
thank you. And the depth of the abuse wasn't much, just that I was shaken by the whole thing... never saw myself as a girl before and then was too scared of talking to guys for a long time... like if I so much as spoke in a polite manner, they would all pounce on me...
So... well, thanks
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A
male
reader, DoubleM + ♥, writes (21 October 2009):
Well, your culture is different than in America, but sexual reality is the same worldwide. You did not explain in depth how the previous classmate abused you, but it should not reflect on your current love interest. If love has finally happened for you, and it sounds like you have a good man, then the time may soon be at hand. To answer your question directly, first time sex at 26 should easily be acceptable to you, and if he is knowledgeable about such things, all should go well. Billions and billions of us have preceded you in this experience.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan + ♥, writes (21 October 2009):
 Yeah for one you said that you want it no, back then when it was being forced on you it can tend to make it feel bad or you feel nothing, and you didnt want it. Ever heard of people having problems when the girl is nervous and he cant get in, that's why, when your nervous or uncomfortable your body tends to reject whatever it is having done to it including sex.
All that time waiting to do it at least for me as i havent done it makes me want to do it more and more everyday problem being that ive yet to find someone that really cares for me for sure. I think someone is interested but its earlly and im not sure but im also not just going to jump into doing it even tho part of me wants to badly lol.
IT seems to me your problem is more mind over matter but ive been wrong before. Good Luck
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