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Is excessive masturbation the cause of his lack of love-making?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 17 February 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *utofsynch08 writes:

Hi, I have a sex problem.

My boyfriend of five months is unable to have sex with me. We get to the stage, past all the foreplay, and then he loses his erection. Sometimes he fails to get one at all. I hate to sound sex mad but the lack of "action" is making me feel seriously frustrated (not to mention incredibly unnatractive).

This is his first serious relationship, it could be put down to nerves. However, he has admitted to doing a fair lot of masturbation in his free time, every day. Is it at all possible that this is the cause? Can you "overwork" a penis?

If this is not the case then what is the best way for me to express my feelings to him in the most understanding way? Or should I just stay quiet so as not to hurt his feelings?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

View related questions: erection, foreplay

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A male reader, aman United States +, writes (17 February 2009):

Only one way to find out... get him to stop masturbating for a few days and see if things work out better.

Also, is there a condom involved in this? Some guys have a problem with losing their erection when they put it on... it's somewhat common.

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A female reader, Mrs. Mom United States +, writes (17 February 2009):

Mrs. Mom agony auntIt's possible that his masturbation is the cause, though if he's in the same range as you, it wouldn't be at all unusual for him to masturbate every day.

The fact that he loses his erection after foreplay (implying that he had one earlier) leads me to think it's an emotional issue rather than a physical one.

It's a delicate matter, but if you can ask him in a nonconfrontational way (and not right after it's happened!) why he thinks it's happening, you may get somewhere and clear the air a little.

He probably realizes you don't want to be in a sexless relationship, so be gentle with him.

Also, if it's only been going on for a week or so, I wouldn't say anything. If it stretches to a month, it's definitely time to talk.

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A male reader, MyDestiny United States +, writes (17 February 2009):

MyDestiny agony aunt no you shouldnt stay quiet..tell him whats on you're mind, talk it out with him (comunication is key)

as you said, it's his first relationship, so he might be nervous and concered that he wont be good enough for you and that could keep him on keeping on a gudd erection (his nervous mood effects it)

an dfor the overworking the penis thing..yes

if he like masterbates 5 times a day, every day..then he is overworking his penis

gudd luck

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