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Is denial of conjugal relations a form of cruelty?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 November 2010)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

After 11 years of marriage, which included conjugal relations, my wife said she no longer wanted to have sex with me. She said I could mssturbate to meet my sexual needs. My choices were to find a eexual partner outside of the marriage or remain in a sexless marriage. I chose not to have sex outside the marriage. I continued to provide for the household for over 3 years at which point I filed for divorce. I am sure this has happened to spouses in other marriage. My question is whether a spouse's denial of conjugal relations to the other spouse is considered cruelty in the eyes of the law?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010):

Denying your spouse a conjugal relationship is definitely a form of cruelty. Sex is essential to most peoples lives and refusing it inside a marriage is certainly cruel. Many women try to use sex to control or punish their spouses. If she refuses to have sex with you then you have no moral obligation to remain faithful to her. After all if she doesn't want to have sex with you then why would she care if you have sex outside the marriage. It isn't cheating.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010):

It's definitely not illegal.

Surely could be considered provocation for a divorce which would e a mitigating factor on your side

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010):

It's definitely not illegal.

Surely could be considered provocation for a divest which would e a mitigating factor on your side

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (25 November 2010):

I believe that it can be a reason for divorce, but I would doubt that it could be considered an act of cruelty.

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (25 November 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntDepends on what state you're in I think. I'd suggest taking qualified legal advice.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (25 November 2010):

chigirl agony auntAccording to what country's law?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010):

Not that many years ago, "rape" within marriage was not considered illegal, since by the act of marrying a woman was deemed to owe sex to the man as a duty and was not permitted to refuse.

ALL of the women on here will flame me for this, but it is true - check UK legal history.

You would have been entitled to have sex with her, willing or not, with no come-back.

That doesn't mean I am approving.....

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (25 November 2010):

aunt honesty agony auntNo it is not described as cruelty, cruelty is were a partner is being verbally abusive, bullying you, calling you awful names threatning you and making your life a living hell, cruelty is when they are beating you up, hitting you, kicking you, throwing things at you and causing bodily harm.

Your wife is an independant person and she has her right to give you sex or not thatis her choice as well as it would be yours, so dont use this in court in front of a jury as it will not stand and they will probably laugh at you for thinking such things are cruel. Yes you can tell them she held back on sex for three years leading you to file for divorcee as you were frustrated and longed for intimacy but do not regard this as an act of cruelty.

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