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female
,
anonymous
writes: I fancy this guy and we seem to bump into each other through mutual friends in a bar/club or even at his house.. I'm 31 and he is the same age as me... its very obvious theres something between us, and on 2 separate occasions , first one was a year and a half ago, and the next time was 7 months ago .... weve ended up getting on soo well and snogging all night, but then thats it! he doesnt call to see me again and each time ive been pissed off about it... (ive never let it get that far that i sleep with him and once i even went back to his house and i slept in the other bedroom so he wouldnt use me!) but i still didnt hear from him and he went all cold.I heard from his friend that for whatever reason it wasnt the right time for him to get with me due to him not being over an ex girlfriend .. however our paths crossed again through friends on msn and basically hes invited me round to his new house for dinner and drinks,just me. How do i deal with it so that this time he doesnt do a runner again?? Is it just cuz its a challenge for him to 'get' me every time and once he does theres nothing more to gain? When i go round to his house tomorrow night then, should I NOT kiss him and just leave and be cool, i really want to get to know him i like him. how do i play it? please help need advice!
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female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (28 November 2006):
 hello
here's my idea. this is what would be best for me, perhaps it might work for you too.
you say that there has been something going on between you and this guy for quite some time. from what youve said, its been at least 18 months. and so far youve been playing a guessing game with each other, wondering what each other thinks and such, and thats fine because thats the fun of flirting. but maybe its time now to talk to him a bit about the situation?
problem is that sometimes people read things differently to how you intend them. for example, it may be that this guy is ready for a relationship and if you play it cool tomorrow, he will think that you are not. maybe he "did a runner" last time because he wasnt sure about what you felt?
it sounds like you dont know how to act because you want to be a bit more secure in what he feels? so you are not sure what messages to relay to him and how to put them across. sounds like it has got to the stage that you need
to know where is he coming from. maybe its time now to start talking. instead of just letting him work out from whether you kiss him or not how much you like him, why not decide to bring the subject up sometime when you go round? many ways of doing this, could be with a "are you expecting a kiss tonight?" or maybe "hey, is this just friends, i just want to know" or "you know, i was bit bothered that after the last time you didn't stay in touch" you could then leave the decision to whether you kiss him depending on what answers you get and play it from there? it just sounds like you need to know a little bit more about where he is coming from.
its always dangerous to play it cool just for the sake of not looking stupid if he doesnt feel the same. and you were pissed off with him for not calling you after the last time, but did you call him? if you are playing it so cool, you may be keeping him at a distance.
so my advice is to find out from the horse's mouth how he feels and then decide how to act.
lots of luck - let us know what happens?
sally
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