A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months who is 33. He is the one who asked me to be his girlfriend. Things are great , he is sweet and nice. However, whenever it comes to intimacy. He wants me to stay over at his place and we just cuddle.He always makes excuses for not being able to sleep with me. I know I am not unattractive. I used to work as a model and work in a creative field currently.Is it fear of commitment, taking it extra slow or am i just not his type? If so, why does he want me to be his girlfriend? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2016): I have been with a man for over 9yrs and for the first 14 months we did not have sex. Just a lot of cuddling and making out. So don't feel bad. It will happen and it will be good.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (24 August 2016):
 Asexual means lack of sexual attraction, so it could be linked to that, but some aces still enjoy sex - so he would have be be asexual (or hetero/bisexual/pansexual) and sex-indifferent (uninterested) or sex-averse (totally repulsed).
The best bet is to gently ask and not assume anything.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 August 2016):
 Ask him, it's not possible for any of us to know the reason.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 August 2016):
 At 4 months, you should just ask him. It sounds like from your post that you haven't yet become sexually intimate.
I wouldn't rush to the "he's gay" reason right away. In this unprecedented tolerant age of homosexuality, I highly doubt that he's dating you as a "beard".
These are the reasons that popped into my head:
1. He's taking it either very slow, or he's got a "no sex until marriage" value system. I dated a guy like that. We've been married almost 17 years.
2. He's nervous - an anxious guy can get performance anxiety on a first time sexual encounter.
3. He's a virgin. In this case, he'd be SUPER-anxious to be a 33-year old virgin. Don't bring that one up! At 4 months, you should know at least a rough picture of his past love life.
4. Medical issues - more guys in the porn era have ED, so he might be going through some stuff. Don't suggest it. Simply ask him his sexual views.
5. His last girlfriend was hideously abusive. He may have been hurt to the point of PTSD or been rocked to the core if she cheated. If he was married before, the divorce may have been really ugly.
6. He's married but hasn't made the decision to "cross the line" into cheating. This also accounts for "separated but married".
Bottom line - I agree with the others. Just ask him. Be kind, don't accuse or interrogate. Ask him! Don't bring him stereotypes of how guys are always the initiating ones and that women have to be the ones to say no all the time.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (24 August 2016):
As Janniepeg notes, there are a lot of possible reasons. Add one: He might be gay. If you inform us of the reasons he's giving you and your reaction to them it might give us the right clue.
Also, have you had sex with him at all? How many times? Or never? If never, have you seen him nude? Have you tried to initiate sex? If so, how does her react?
If he wants you to stay at his place, I don't think he is having an affair. Also, most guys having affairs will sleep with both women, not just the "other" woman. There is just a lot that could be happening here.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2016):
 Talk to him.
As Janniepeg pointed out, there could be a plethora of reasons why he hasn't pushed for sex or deeper physical intimacy than cuddles.
Only way you will know, is if you ask him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 August 2016):
 There could be many reasons and probably none of them are what you think. Is he religious and believes in sex only after marriage? Does he have a health condition that interferes with his ability to maintain erection? Is he insecure about his performance, thinking that as a hot girl you must have had lots of partners before and he can't measure up? Is he secretly married and doesn't want to cheat? Does he fear STDs and pregnancy to the point of just giving up on sex? Does he have other sexual hangups, weird fetishes and is afraid of freaking you out? Is he penis very small that he's very sure you would dump him if you saw it?
Oh, let's not turn him into a freak. It could just be that he's taking it slow. Being that slow, it's rare but not impossible. Although if he's okay with no sex for 4 months, he's probably okay with no sex for years. He has not given you an answer as to why no sex. It's easy to say "let's take it slow, or I am religious" but he didn't say nothing. Therefore all these guesses above.
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