A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay big time help needed! i have really really really low self esteem when it comes to men. Not about meeting them, but 'otherwise'. Whenever i am getting intimate i never allow a man to go near my bottom half because i have a vagina that has the inner lips bigger than the outer ones. I am meeting my ex boyfriend tomorrow and want to allow him to do things with me and hopefully get things back on track. How do i tell him that i have a problem with this and not want him to get freaked out and leave me. + also what do you guys think of a vagina looking this way?
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my ex, self esteem, vagina Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Check out this book:"The book "Femalia," by Joani Blank, is a revolutionary vulva book. The entire book is simply close up pictures of women's vulvas, in a non-porn, feminist setting. The book is amazing because it shows how very diverse women's genitals are, how no two look alike and how very wide the spectrum of differences are in color, shape, size, etc. The book shows women's genitals without a slick commercial spin on them. You only see the almond shaped area of the genitals. No poses, no positions. It really is an eye opener to see women's genitals in such a different light. It makes you realize new possibilities of imagery for women's genitals. "you clearly are not alone, and someone's put alot of work into creating a book to help!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 January 2010):
 I totally agree with rhythmandblues2 answer. Please read it a few times til it makes sense to you as well, because... she is right.
Just like every penis looks a little different from the guy next to him, so does the female vagina's.
If a guy loves you, it isn't for the look of your private parts (hopefully) it is for YOU and YOUR personality.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): You crack me up. You are more concerned about how your vagina looks than you are how it will look to a guy you haven't dated in awhile if you let him get into your pants.
Having sex is not the way to get back on track with an ex boyfriend. You broke up for a reason, you have to start off slowly getting to know each other again and building a friendship first so that you can talk about the reasons you broke up in the first place or you will just be headed for another painful break up. Having sex too soon is called a premature reconciliation.
Maybe you have low self esteem because you allow men to use you sexually instead of earning your trust and love by being good to you outside of your pants and the bedroom.
Men don't value women who are too easy....so that will lead to you feeling used and result in bad feelings about yourself.
You deserve better, so set some boundaries with these guys and don't worry about how you look down there, you are just one form of normal.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (1 January 2010):
 I'm a bad dog but I hope that my perspective may help you. I love vaginas. I've had the good fortune to spend a lot of time in careful study of well over 100 vaginas. Please believe me that the arrangement of the lips does not matter one bit. In this regard variety is the spice of life. Make sure that you are neatly trimmed and that you've had a wash and you'll be fine. Any man who feels differently is just inexperienced.I have a friend and lover who has, I believe, a very similar situation to what you describe with inner lips that protrude by almost an inch. I love the way it looks and tastes. It doesn't prevent her from being incredibly sexy. Indeed, if I had to choose only one woman to have sex with for the rest of my days, it would likely be her. Sadly, in her past she had to work as an escort for a few months in order to pay off a debt that her ex-husband had left her with. During that time she was able to earn for an hours "work" the equivalent of what someone in our country would earn in a month of working in a factory or shop. This is an extreme example but it shows that a girl with the same situation with her lips as you have was considered extremely sexually desirable.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 January 2010):
 It's not unusual at all to have inner labia that are larger than outer, especially once you get past the age of like 12. Unless they're so long they could double for knee pads guys probably won't care what they look like. I mean mostly they're probably not even really LOOKING at them, just feeling. One guy I talked to said he prefers the inner ones larger because it's more fun to do oral with. Except for in the case of people who just don't trim anything or take care of themselves in terms of hygiene, I've never met a guy who complained about the way a girl's vagina looked. Ever. Basically, if it's there, they'll like it. The one thing I do hear frequently? Guys whining that their girlfriend is insecure about her vagina and they can't perform oral or have lights on sex. Don't say anything about the way they look or you being self-conscious. The only thing he'll be noticing is "holy crap this girl is taking off her clothes for me!"
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (1 January 2010):
 everyone's genitalia is a little different, and I think if you sort of preface things so that he isn't freaked out by something he may not have seen before, and so that he can likely assure you that he doesn't care about appearances and you feel more comfortable. just say something like, i'm a little nervous to show you my area cause my inner lips are longer and that's not like...the typical girls' look or whatnot. he might like it, i've heard guys that like it, and kind of embrace the uniqueness of this look. I sort of had a rule with my bf who when he first met my body was sort of picking on my anatomy but when i said something like, i don't really show this to everyone so consider it a privilege not a right, and if you don't stop making me self-conscious about my body, you don't have to see it, i can take it all away like that. THAT shut him up! :) if he's mature and wants to be back with you all should be fine.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Letting a guy get in your pants to 'get back on track' is probably not a good idea. Remember why you broke up in the first place, be SURE you want to try again, and have a good conversation about it instead.
As for your vaginal area, everyone's different and it shouldn't be that big of an issue. The most important thing is that you should try to be comfortable with your body, so accept how things are and move on. If someone doesn't like it, then you didn't want to be with them, anyway.
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