A
female
age
30-35,
*irlie girl
writes:I know there are already similar questions asked but I would like a personal response to my situation. I am 17 and in my final year of school and really like one of my teachers. I think he is in his mid thirties and I know he is not married and has no children. I have checked the law and there is an abusive of trust law which stops teachers from having relationships with their pupils who are under 18. The law seems clear (I think) when it says the pupil must be registered with the school in order for it to be an abusive of trust. So….does that mean when I leave in a few months I can date this guy without worry?People in the school have noticed how well we get on and some untrue rumours have already spread and this has made him a bit uncomfortable around me these days. I still spend time talking to him and there is a gentleness in his voice – I know he still likes me!!I have tried to stop thinking about him, put it all behind me and put it down to a crush, but each time I try to do that within a few days, I come back feeling stronger and more sure than before. Is this more than a crush?I know I am very young and am trying my best to be responsible about this. I don’t want to put him in a position where he would lose his job or get him in the newspapers but I have liked this man for years and am afraid if I let this go I may spend my whole life regretting it.
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female
reader, girlie girl +, writes (16 February 2007):
girlie girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous, I'm not sure if you are genuinely trying to be funny in a postive way. If I am lucky enough to get a chance at this guy he will be getting something far more precious than shared time with my reproductive system. It's called love, care, affection and companionship.
I was speaking to him today and it was just heaven. I made a couple of comments with some sexual innudendo and he responded with laughter. I am sure he does likes what he sees but it's more than sex - why would he spend his lunch break talking to me?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): He's 30 and you're 17?
Please don't put him in a bad position to cause himself to respond to you, b/c he is going to end up in PRISON big time, depending on the state you guys are in.
If you love him or care about him, respect the idea to not hurt him until you're 18 and then give him all your vagina as possible:-)....Just a joke!
Besides, don't put him in a position that will take all he worked hard for and have it flushed downa prison toilet.
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A
female
reader, girlie girl +, writes (13 February 2007):
girlie girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for everyone continuing to respond to this question, it's sort of turning into a discussion forum of which I am really appreciative!
Black diamond, could you please give me a link to the law that suggests a girl under 18 can't date a man over 24. I have tried looking for it. This is obviously a crucial point, and whilst I should wait until I am 18, I want to make sure that we don't break the law.
Here's me hoping something is going to happen!
Thanks
X
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A
female
reader, black_diamond329 +, writes (13 February 2007):
 No it is true in the UK dunno bout US or elsewhere in the world but I read a magazine and a girl was asking about dating a man who was 26 when she was 16 and apparently it isn't allowed.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (12 February 2007):
 Can I ask is this a real law? About dating a man over 24? I am not being facetious or argumentative, just curious. It is not something I had ever heard of is all.
:-)
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A
female
reader, black_diamond329 +, writes (12 February 2007):
Hey there! If you are under 18 then unfortunately it is not legal to date a man over the age of 24 in UK law but if you turn 18 and have left school then no there is no problem with dating a teacher. I've just started going out with one of my old teacher from school and he is double my age! I would recommend that you leave it for a few months at least becuase the school may try and suggest you have been dating since before you left school. But apart from that as longas you are over 18 and he likes you too and doesn't have any attachments of his own then you are free to do as you wish once you have left school
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (1 February 2007):
You answer to what we say seems so articulate, I believe whatever choice you make will be the right one. Go with your gut. Just don't get this poor guy into any trouble hunny!
x
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A
female
reader, girlie girl +, writes (1 February 2007):
girlie girl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who have responded!
Babygirl, you have essentially warned me to stay away which is what I kind of expected, do you really think there is no hope?
Eve, I liked your response the best probably because you did say, there could be a chance provided I play it cool...?
I guess thats what people would do, choose to accept the advice that relates most to what they want.
Willywombat, I accept your point that he may not be interested and even if he is now, will he be in 18 months from now after I have left school for a year?.... if I take Eve's advice to wait.
Why does this all of sudden seem so complicated?
Teachers are not supposed to like their pupils in that way, I do accept that, but they are human and from what I can see us girls in our late teens seem to be objects of interest to all men! Would this be OK, if I met him through a rowing club or something? And yes I know I would be taking a risk by going for him, but doesn't every relationship involve a risk?
Sorry have I just put aside the advice and time that you kind people have put here?
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (30 January 2007):
Back off this guy now! You have to wait til you leave school at leats before making any sort of move. Plus, he may not be interested in you in that way, you may be reading too much into his behaviour, and seeing things that just are not there because you want to see them.
Please, leave this and concentrate on your schoolwork...
x
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 January 2007):
 At 17 a woman's hormones are all over the place. This man appeals to you because he is good looking, single, no baggage and of course available. If he was married with 4 kids... exactly the same man... would you feel the same?
You said rumours have already started to fly about you and him. Don't put his job on jeopardy, he'll only resent you for it and you will be the laughing stock of the school.
When we're young and infatuated with someone we have a fantasy in our minds about what we THINK they would be like to date. We build on this fantasy, imagining how they would treat us, love us and look after us but reality is never the same as fantasy. You see this man every day so that will add to your fantasy. He smiles at you (as he probably does to dozens of his pupils) but the way he smiled at you was "different", there was meaning behind it, it was saying I really like you... when in fact it was nothing more than a smile. Can you see where I'm coming from?
Get over him and continue with your studies. Go out and meet with people your own age. If, in a years time when you're out of school and you meet up with him again, then, if he still seems interested then go for it but until then, all you're doing is endangering HIS career and YOUR reputation.
Eve
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