A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've had feelings for my teacher for a while now and I;m pretty sure he feels the same way by the way he talks to me, approaches me, and we even hug and slightly touch sometimes. Anyway, he's single and I want to get more involved but im not sure how. Can anyone help me?
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female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady  +, writes (22 September 2009):
Ok;; firstly. Just as comment to those people saying 'you could ruin his job etc.. etc..'' fact is this is very unlikely. Even if you got involved you probably wouldnt ruin his loife; more likely yours. Teachers can get away with alot;; more than you think. although it is publicised in the media that teachers have to be extremely careful... the fact is that ,many arent, and many get away with it. It is drilled into their brains the things that they are NOT supposed to do. They are told, not to hug, not to touch and if they do? It is because they do not take any notice of these rules. I know;; becayse for four years a teacher touched me, he started off being nice, really sweet and caring. But things changed quickly he became very confident and very forward and it got to a point where he was masturbating regularlyu in my presence. He also tried to blackmail me using my grades and my work twice. I reported him in the end to the school, who took no action and shouted at me and tried to intimidate me into not saying anything. I reported it to the police and they investigated but there was insufficent evidence. He still works at that school. Nothing happened to him, whereas i have to spend the rest of my life dealing with what happened to me. And so will the next person it happens to. Don;t worry about the teacher, worry about yourself and look for the warning signs. If he is as my teacher was at some point you will start to feel guilty, sometimes you will feel scared or upset or trapped. Because you are 16/17, this has started late and therefore you may have more control over the situation. But never be convinced that 'any time he does something you dont like you can report him' because it doesnt work like that. You;d think in this modern day that people cared or took notice of things like this; but its as simple as people just don't want to know.
I hope you are careful, don't do anything stupid, i know you say you have a crush on him. It interests me whethe rhe is young, as if he is in his twenties this situaion is perhaps less concerning. If you want him to like you, or be with you. Just wait, dont do anything. If he fancies you he will give you a very clear cut sign and you'll know when to move things forward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): If you care about your teacher, back off. He could be fired and end up in prison. These crushes are common, and the average teacher would NOT consider it. I am worried about this guy though because of his inappropriate touches. He could be fired for that as well.
**I have many years experience as a teacher. I have seen situations like this before. In the past, teachers could get away with more--BUT not today with all the negative publicity in the media.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Hey I totally know how it feels to have a crush on a teacher - I have one right now. Anyway if you really do love this teacher you wont risk ruining his respect, job and landing him in jail. Its as simple as that. If you still like him after you've graduated from school then fine, but right you really shouldn't act on your feelingsKnow its hard but good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Well the aunts have done a very good job here and it's all been said, so I would just like to second all of their posts.
I'm sorry, I know you feel all cloudy and butterfly-y for him, but it just can't happen. You should try to ease off of him and focus more on school work and the boys your age before one or both of you gets into trouble.
~Sy.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (31 August 2009):
 Hi,
if he has romantic inclinations towards you then he will be sacked from his job and if all goes well be sent to prison.
Grow up , you are playing adult games while still a young girl. There are consequences for your actions when you are an adult which is something you are totally oblivious too as you are still a child.
You are a child he is your teacher , in a couple of years you can date all the teachers you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): stay away! i had a friend from school who fell in love with a teacher. he did the same sort of things to her at first, and then they got into a proper relationship. not only did they get found out and he got arrested, but the police also found he was sleeping with other girls too. if this teacher does have genuine feelings for you and you for him, then you WAIT until you have left school. the teacher i knew got 7 years in prison, and wasnt allowed to see the pupils involed for 10 years. he was put on he paedophile list and was never allowed to work with children again of any age. if you really like him, it isnt worth it. and if he really likes you, then he will wait. please take my advice, DONT GET NVOLVED. AAJ.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (31 August 2009):
 You are not in love with your teacher, you are infatuated with him. It's not real. You are reading into something that is all in your mind. You need to take care not to ready into things too much as you could get him into serious problems. If you really like him ..get those thoughts out of your head and find a boy your age or a bit older who is not a teacher of yours.You will get over it.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (31 August 2009):
 I strongly urge you not to get involved with this man. It doesnt matter if he is single, married or gay, he is your teacher and YOU CANNOT have a relationship with him.
There are many laws about student-teacher relationships. No matter how strongly you feel about him, it is against the law for him to have a relationship with you. When a teacher signs up for the job, we agree to "duty of care". Basically we pledge to do everything we can to protect the children under our tuition, in their education, as well as their personal and emotional development. If he had a romantic relationship with you he would be breaking that oath, what is known as breach of trust. In the UK this is a criminal offence. (I know you are in the US, but there are similar laws there.)
http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/wholeschool/familyandcommunity/childprotection/usefulinformation/abuseoftrust/
IF he did have a relationship with you, he would be sacked, probably charged with professional miscounduct, and I expect would face some sort of criminal charge. He would also never be allowed to work with children again and would be closely monitored. His life would be ruined. He wouldnt be able to get a job, his reputation would be ruined.
I know you think you love this man, and think that he is giving you signals to suggest he feels the same - but as a teenager it is easy to mis-read them. You see him as a "man" who is giving you attention, when you are surrounded by childish teenage boys - we all know what they are like. He seems far more attractive than them in every way. We all have crushes on a teacher when we are at school, but you should never act on it.
You will get over this man, I know you think you have deep feelings for him, but they will fade and when you are older, you will understand why this relationship couldn't happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Oh for Christ's sake! He is your teacher, it doesn't matter that he is single. He could lose his job if he were to touch you inappropriately let alone date you or have sex with you.
You are a 16 year old girl, I am assuming your teacher is over the age of 21, after all he would have had to finish college in order to teach at your school!
You are not of legal consent to be with a man who is of legal age. He could be arrested for child molestation and be put on a national register list as a sex offender for the rest of his life.
He doesn't have feelings for you, he is your teacher, he has affection for you, he has pride for you, he has care for you, but he will respect the teacher/student relationship boundaries or pay a heavy price for putting a child at risk....because he has power over you as your authority figure.
Get your head out of the clouds and go outside and enjoy the sunshine and fantasize about what you will be when you grow up.
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