A
female
age
22-25,
*vni Hariharan
writes:Hi there! I started to fall in love with a guy who is totally opposite of my dream guy. I found him in online. In short period of time I realized I love him. I don't know how to tell him. I'm scared that it might spoil my friendship. At the same time my childhood friend wants to marry me. He is exactly like my dream guy but I'm not interested in marrying him. He is like my friend. I need help! Should I tell my crush who is absolutely opposite of my dream guy or just follow my parents wish to marry my childhood friend who is like my dream guy?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 April 2017):
 I agree fully with FA,
The online guy is a crush and a fantasy. You can feel infatuated with someone you have never met - it's not really that hard - heck he could be a fictional character and still be someone a person could "fall for".
You don't want to marry the childhood friend and I think THAT is OK. You are still YOUNG so where is the HURRY for marriage?
Give marriage a rest til you have lived a little and met more people.
As for your online guy... Unless you get to met up and spend time IN person (not talking sex here but NORMAL interpersonal interactions).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): Love is a very strong word. Too often used in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. You are an inexperienced young lady between 18 and 21, who met a guy online and created all sorts of imaginary things about him. You really haven't met him in-person to confirm that he really is everything you believe him to be. Opposite of your dream guy or otherwise.
He has obviously enchanted you with a pile of who knows what.
He could be an online predator for all anyone knows! Your idealized perception of him could be far from accurate.
Correction on a few things. Love doesn't happen in a short time. Fools fall in love in a short time, because they don't take the time to know who they're in-love with, or why they feel so strongly for them. Their feelings are based more on a romanticized and imaginary version of love; than something that is real.
The truth is, it feels good to think you're in-love. The rest of that truth is, it may not be love at all! Your parents love you, and want someone good to take care of you.
I'm too wise to be fooled by the comment:" I started to fall in love with a guy who is totally opposite of my dream guy."
I'm not thrown-off by this statement. He is totally opposite of the type of guy "your parents would want for you."
That's okay. Your heart decides who to love; but in this case, it's someone you found online and really don't know.
He is apparently influencing you in some way, and you are young and naive. So he feeds your infatuation telling you exciting things about himself. You have no idea if they're true or not.
Now lets figure your parents into this matter. The most prominent behavior in your age-group is to rebel and do exactly the opposite of what your parents want you to do.
Your claim you want to keep the childhood friend as a friend, whom you describe to have all the attributes you want in a guy. Dream-guys are figments of a schoolgirl's imagination.
Your childhood-friend is real. What you know about him, has been proven to you. Dreams have nothing to do with anything.
He may not want to marry you either. Wait until he finds someone he does think he loves; and you'll suddenly (and predictably) will change your mind how you feel about him.
There is no real love for the online guy; because you have nothing to base your feelings on. Accept what he says!
Maybe you have Skyped and you have a visual-image. You've had a few deep conversations. Everything is powered by your imagination.
Intentionally, or subconsciously, you're looking for a way to go against your parent's wishes; and he's your scapegoat.
You're too young to get married. Your parents may be pushing you according to cultural/religious tradition; but you want to prove you can make the choice for yourself. By molding this online guy into someone you love, you're proving just how immature and unready for marriage you are. So your parents are trying to distract you from what isn't real. Pushing your friend on you isn't fair, but they feel it is safer. They do know him and trust him.
I think you need to grow-up some. Your feelings for the guy you've never met isn't by any means love. It's a childish infatuation; and part of your rebellion against your parents who are trying to make a decision that should be left to you when you're old enough. They fear you'll runoff or try something irresponsible under his influence. Nothing is scarier than a teenage-girl(or 20-something) who thinks she is in-love with someone invisible to everyone, including herself.
My fear is that you're keeping this online guy a secret! Fine, as long as you don't foolishly let him talk you into doing anything you may regret! Do your parents know about him?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (7 April 2017):
 Avni,
Your own words are the guide to your answer. Your "crush" is just that a short term infatuation with some one you only know online. You really don't know who he is.
Your "friend" who you really want to preserve the relationship long term, is the one who you know.
Your "dream guy" is just a wisp in your imagination. He is nothing. You have never even met him, but the person who you have met, who is most like him, you don't have the desire to marry.
Your answer is you have not yet met (or imagined) the person to marry.
FA
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