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In a long term relationship but now some things are bothering me!

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Faded love, Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 May 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 May 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi. I am in a long term relationship (over 4 years) now. I do love my boyfriend very much, however recently a few 'issues' which ordinarily I would just ignore have started eating away at me. The first, I have found myself looking at other guys more and more these days. It has always been the running joke that my boyfriend is not my 'conventional type' in terms of looks. I know that sounds incredibly shallow, but he is quite masculine and 'manly' whereas I usually go for the 'cutesy' type guys. The last 6 months or so I have noticed myself checking my 'usual type' of guys more and more. I know they always say there's no harm in looking so long as you don't touch, but I am constantly finding my eyes and thoughts towards other guys.

The second issue, slightly more intimate, is that I have always been vers/top. My partner is only a top. In the early days of the relationship we did try both being versatile however my partner could not get on with it. For ages this didn't bother me, but again, the last 6 months or so I have really started to miss doing what is more natural to me.

I know this sounds really rather shallow but I cant explain why these issues are bothering me more and more nowadays. Any advice would be much appreciated- thanks in advance x

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (21 May 2018):

femmenoir agony auntHave a think about the pros vs cons of what you have together and see what weighs in more.

Never take risks or chances with others, UNLESS, you can truly see that you've no real future together.

Your wandering eye, well it sounds as though you're not fully happy and/or satisfied with your partner/relationship & yes, much of what you say does sound very shallow.

Maybe you can try and get past all the "artificial stuff" and come to realise what's truly important.

That you both have each other and that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Why don't you reintroduce into your relationship, some of the things that initially brought the two of you together?

Perhaps you guys could sit down and have a chat about the state of your relationship and you can be upfront with him and let him know what's bothering you.

If you love somebody, you should always be totally honest and transparent with them.

You owe it to them, if not to yourself.

Why don't you and your bf try different things to spice up your sex life and your relationship in general?

You can actually discuss and work on this together.

If you find you cannot or your partner isn't prepared to, nor particularly interested, then you guys will have to discuss the longevity of your relationship.

It takes two to tango and if the two of you can't meet halfway, then you can't help but question your relationship.

The bottom line is, if you really love your bf and you'd like to make it work, then you must both be prepared to put some effort into making it work.

Too much effort isn't healthy, because a good relationship should flow quite effortlessly, just like water.

A healthy, stable relationship can be created by both of you working together and meeting halfway and again, it doesn't have to take a lot of time and energy.

All the best!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2018):

Are you happy in all other areas of the relationship? That could be the cause of your wandering eye. maybe you need to bring a bit of spark back into the relationship somehow? If you have strong communication, can you be honest and open with him?

My husband and I have an occasional open relationship (only sexually), its been fine so far. If that is something you could both look at then maybe it would help. Although not quite the same, my husband has NOT been a giver throughout our sex life, though he made an effort for the first 6 months. I have to ask him. Maybe you need to relate your needs with regards to the top/vers issue?

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