A
female
age
41-50,
*mmajade
writes:Hi all,I hope you can help me out on this one.I got talking to this guy on a free online dating site. He is a decade older than me and just instant messaged me out of the blue. We talked for a few hours online and exchanged numbers etc. He told me he worked in equity trading, but didn’t tell me what he did – I didn’t ask either. It was only last night while we were chatting that he sent me his email address as I was going to send him a picture as mine on the website was a bit blury. All was fine, and we chatted late into the night and set a date to meet up.I stupidly googled him this morning. I am wary of internet dating, and assumed he would just be the tea boy or something (I am not very trusting on internet dating) and found out he is partner in his firm! He mentioned in past conversations he has a Porsche etc, but I didn’t really acknowledge this and jokingly said do you mean you have a model car? He didn’t really bite back.How do I handle this? It doesn’t effect the fact we get on well and I am keen to meet up with him but I also feel I should tell him I know he is Partner and obviously wealthy. He cant want me to know as he hasn’t given me this information, which is understandable.Help …. I liked this guy before I knew this information and am kicking myself for googling his name and finding this stuff out. I am financially independent and I am concerned he will think I am just a gold digger or something.
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male
reader, Dekten  +, writes (9 June 2010):
If he mentioned things like driving a Porsche, then maybe he was already wanting to try to impress you a bit?
I think it's smart of you to do a google-check on him. There should be NOTHING wrong with looking at some publicly available data.
Just remain financially independent. If you let money become a dominant issue in your relationship, it'll be doomed.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Look just because he is a partner in a firm and drives a porsche does not mean he is loaded. Yes he is successful and doing well, but being a partner often does not equal a huge salary. I work in the property industry and know plenty of partners in big firms, and while they are comfortable, they are not rolling in money and they are pretty normal people. In fact some partners drive pretty standard audi's and live in semi-detached houses earning not much more than the average person. Being a partner does not equal wealth, all it equates to is more responsiblity and a serious investment into the company. If the company is not doing well then he wont be earning much either!
As for the porsche - it could be a boxter which you can get for as little as £20,000 these days second hand! Yes there is a chance it could be a 911, but this still does not mean he earns mega money! My boss has just bought a 911 and it was about £70-£80k, but she lives in a normal 4 bed house and lives like the rest of us just with a bit more champagne thrown in and a few more holidays!
So you need to stop assuming he is very rich and stop worrying about all this. You like him regardless of his job so just leave it at that! I have no idea why you want to tell him you know he is "wealthy" - that will make him run a mile! Dont say a word, let him talk to you about his job if he is comfortable with it and if not, then dont say a word. If you continue to date him then over time you will get to know the extent of his "wealth" as I'm sure you will go in his car at some point, maybe back to his house etc.
But really unless you are only after his money then all of this is irrelevant - you are dating him, not his money! If you like this man and you want to date him then stop thinking about the money - push what you have found out to the back of your mind and forget about it for now. Dont mention it to him and let him tell you in his own time. And most of all, enjoy dating! Enjoy the process of getting to know someone, those first date nerves...all the lovely things that come along with the early stages of a relationship. Dont allow money to become a factor so early on, and if you are financially independent then money should not even cross your mind when dating him - regardless of his job.
The only way for him to not worry about your intentions towards his money is for you to keep quiet and dont let on that you know anything about him. He will only trust you after getting to know you on a few dates and then I am sure he will become more comfortable talking about his job and fiancial situation. But if on the first date you say right away "oh by the way I know you are a partner at your firm so obviously you are wealthy" I can guarantee you he will never want to see you again.
So if you want to seriously date this man, and see him more than once, then keep quiet!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 The way you think leaves you in a disadvantaged position, if it's always what can I do to appear this and that (vs. what are others doing/have done to earn my trust/time/etc). First of all, neither one of you has nothing to prove to the other. Just in case you start dating, people on these sites usually have several options open (for a limited or indefinite time). In other words, he may be dating others until he finds the right person or just for the simple fun of it. What you can do in this case is treat the matter with fair precaution (meet in public places and away from your home until you get to know each other) and continue to talk and see what is the likelihood that you are a match.
I bet he doesn't worry you think he intended to impress you with his mention of his fabulous car.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 "It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man." Find out for us if this old adage holds water, will ya?
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (9 June 2010):
 are you sure this is the same person? have you seen him on cam or just a pic? guys lie ALOT...just as girls do so be careful. i got mixed up w/a guy who told me this amazing story about how successful he was and stuff...we talk for years. we finally met and everything turned out to be a complete lie and he robbed me blind lol.
since then iv met some great honest guys off dating sites so all im saying is be careful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): You googled him to find out whether he was legitimate as a person - not to see if he was minted. I would just forget his money and concentrate on whether or not you actually like the guy. Obviously money makes life easier at times but I was married to someone with money for 10 years and was miserable. The money never made up for the emptiness I felt inside. Before you meet up remind yourself what is important, character-wise, in a guy and stay in tune with this. I would not bother telling him you know about his job - let him tell you when he is ready. For all you know he has googled you. People's public face is everywhere these days on social networking sites - so I really wouldn't worry. You are financially independent - so you are not relying on finding someone on that basis. It would be easy to let the money and all its trappings fool you or sweep you off your feet so stay calm and 'real' and just enjoying dating him !!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): He told you already he has a porsche, so I'm sure he's perfectly alright with you knowing, and as long as you don't ask how much he earns etc. I'm sure he won't
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