A
male
age
41-50,
*ficanhelpifnothelpme
writes:I need your help My girlfriend gos to the gym everyday except weekend and once a week she does a personal trainer session with a lad at first I thought nothing of this now I think she fancy s him she baths every night before seeing him and in these passed 4 weeks its been hard work to keep my temper and say at her she fancys him every time I do she says I'm an idiot and ignores me for the rest of the night now she's Lieing about things like Texts she says he never texts her but my girlfriends friend told me always text never about anything but the session Were he lives my girlfriend told me she doesn't know we're he lives but her friend told me my girlfriend friend told me theres many times walked down is street but couldn't tell me if she knew were he lived or notMy girlfriend Claims her friend is crazy for him but her friend claims its the other way round And her friend told me my girlfriend makes a point of going on thing close to him and always sending mixed looks towards him But the worse part is a few weeks ago her friend claims my girlfriend wore a dress for the gym which is strange because she always wears track suit pants and jumper so that I dunno if I believe or not What would u do in my shoes?
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (14 June 2014):
First of all, I think you need to stop listening to this 'friend'. Why is she telling you all of this? Is she volunteering the information, or are you asking her for it? If it's the latter you need to stop and start asking your girlfriend for answers instead. If you can't trust what your girlfriend says, then you need to work out whether it's because she is untrustworthy or whether it's your own insecurities that's making you think that.I personally bathe/shower every day so I don't think her washing before the gym is odd at all. I have a personal trainer and she has to stand pretty close to me at times, and I'd be so embarrassed if I thought I smelled bad. Only you know your girlfriend though, is it normal for her to wash before work etc too? What other evidence has she given you to suspect she fancies him? Be honest with yourself (and I'm not accusing you here just asking you to think about it) is the fact her PT is male something that bothers you in general? Or is it about this one specifically? Would you be happy if she went to a different guy or would you prefer she went to a woman instead? Answering these should help you work out whether there is something there or whether you just feel a bit insecure about her spending time with another man.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (14 June 2014):
Let's just say that your girlfriend's friend is telling the truth (she may be exaggerating or even lying).
It's normal for people, especially women, to enjoy attention received from the opposite sex, especially when they're attractive. So your gf is probably just trying to look good because she's attracted to her trainer.
What's the harm in that? Only that attraction can lead to more, so at some point a faithful partner will draw the line (like communication outside of the gym). But in the end if you trust her then TRUST her. If she cheats then leave. There's nothing you can do other than being a great boyfriend that will prevent it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): You';re getting everything second-hand from her friend. Sometimes friends get jealous, and make trouble. Stop dragging her friend into your business.
Maybe you should join her gym, and be her workout partner. Then you'll get the benefit of a good workout, and you don't have to be so suspicious. If he's handsome, it's natural she'll be attracted to. That doesn't mean she's cheating on you.
Gyms have policies about employees fraternizing with clients.
When she's not working out; she's working, or with you. So when does she have time; accept when she goes for a workout? Apparently her friend is there and about. She'd probably tell you if your girlfriend was cheating. She seems happy to answer your questions.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Hi ificanhelpifnothelpme,There are many times when one friend will say something to a friends partner.If she fancies the boyfriend (to try and break them up).If she fancies the girlfriend's affection.If she wants to stir things up.Getting washed before going to the gym strikes me as odd. Especially given you will get sweaty at the gym and need to shower afterwards.Lying about getting text messages, or knowing where he lives could be nothing more than your girlfriend not wanting to hurt or upset you more.Some (not all) male personal trainers are gay, could you be barking up the wrong tree?Otherwise I would leave it be and see if anything further suspicious comes up. Until then, if you can't trust her (you don't have a relationship with her).
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