A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hello dear aunts, I have recently start dating this girl, she has just turned 21. she recently confessed she was a virgin when we did it for the first time, however I've been skeptical. (sorry for being graphic) I gave her oral a few times, only that. she didn't want to go further. when she agreed to it was very easy to penetrate her, trimmed bush and while i was inside she spread her legs wide open like a pro so I could go even deeper inside, even holding them in the air! i was surprised because she is a shy girl but for her first time she showed no pain at all, no awkwardness. here's the tricky part: after we were done there was blood. on me and on my matress. and no, she was not on her period I can guarantee that. my question is, with all the elements described above, was she a virgin or not?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 July 2013):
 I think YOU need to learn a little something about trust.
Not all VIRGINS (women) act the same the first time, some are shy, some coy, some try and "get it over with",some just try and make the best of it.
I can't tell you with any certainty if she was or wasn't, but from you write I don't see why you doubt her. AT all.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 Let me say this clearly, "Who cares if she is or isn't a virgin?" I know there are some societies that make it important but who'd want to live there?
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (19 July 2013):
 I think so, yes.
But I'm going to have to co-sign on every point with WiseOwlE here. This question makes me uncomfortable because of the implications you seem to be setting.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 The blood would suggest she was indeed a virgin.
I know different states have different laws for the age of consent, so I don't know whether you're breaking the law or not. If you are, there could be serious consequences for her if you're reported to the police.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): At 17 what difference does it make if she was a virgin or not?
You don't even know the difference, you only ask, because of stupid nonsense you've heard. If the answer was no, so what are you going to do about it?
You're not even old enough to be her boyfriend. She is just having sex with you, and doesn't really intend to have much else to do with you.
You're not even a man yet. Just a boy experimenting with sex, and already you're questioning the purity of a female.
You try to talk like you're some big pro, using all the graphic language to impress.
Depending on what state you're in,she could be in trouble for statutory rape.
Use condoms so you don't get her pregnant, and she doesn't end up giving birth to a child in jail.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): I'm not sure if my comment was posted, I'm the original poster. I'm 27, not 17 and the reason I'm asking is because I'm just being curious. she has never lied before, well maybe just innocent lies before but just it. I had intercourse once with another girl who was a virgin and she behaved completely different than my current girlfriend. that's all. like a said I'm just curious because by my own experience it was different, that is basically the reason of my doubt.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 July 2013):
 SERIOUSLY?
ok she's 21 and you are 17? did you know she can go to jail and have her life ruined by having sex with you?
just because it's easy to penetrate a woman (sometimes at 53 having had two children and more lovers than you can imagine I'm just not that easy to penetrate it depends on arousal levels) does NOT mean she's not a virgin.
just because a woman knows what to do to further her enjoyment of a sexual encounter does not mean she's not a virgin.
and is the virginity of a 21 yr old the issue or the lies?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 I'd say yes, where the blood would have been coming from if she was not menstruating ..? As for the pain, defloration is really a draw of luck , some women find it very painful, others feel nothing and don't even realize it's happening. In general, it is a bit painful, but , very sharp and FAST, like a paper cut- so, no time for wringing in pain and grimacing,also because one is hopefully distracted by all that's going on :).
Apparently she was feeling very comfortable, and really excited and into it, that's what decreased or eliminated awkwardness and shyness She might have read books or seen movies ( not necessarily porn ) or talked to friends about what one is supposed to do in bed, and have taken her lead from there- nowadays , a girl may be phisically virgin but that won't make her also totally innocent, clueless and disinformed. And anyway, what you call acting " like a pro "... that can be very simply the voice of nature and of instinct , you know ? :), bodies have an inborn wisdom that often makes them react... just as they should, even without a lot of practice or lessons.
So I vote for yes,virgin, but , what I'd be curious to know, is why did you doubt her to begin with. Why should she have lied ? ...Unless you live in one of those societies who obsess over female virginity , a 21 y.o. girl would not feel minimally embarassed in admitting she had previous sexual experience , it would be totally normal. So, if she said she never had intercourse, we can assume it is true, unless you had already caught her fibbing or bending the truth before . If not, why all the mistrust ?
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A
female
reader, angel91 +, writes (19 July 2013):
If she says she is, you should trust her - without trust you two will go nowhere.You say you gave her oral a few times and it went no further. Then she had trimmed... Rather than this being a sign that she wasn't a virgin, it might be that she knew that it was going to happen some time soon, and wanted to make herself look nice for you. I prefer to be waxed/trimmed, both for my fiance and for myself - it makes me feel nicer.If she was easy to penetrate - good job on you! You had aroused her enough to make sex comfortable for her, which is what people sometimes forget - sex can't happen comfortably until her body is ready for it.As for opening her legs... That's a natural reaction. Holding them in the air might have been a more comfortable position for her. Also, blood can appear for a number of reasons. Her hymen may have broken (meaning she was, in fact, a virgin). But at her age, her hymen may already have been broken during exercise etc. So in that case, the blood might have been because the sex was a little rough?! Only you will know that one.So, while all of these things say 'experience' to you, they are explainable in the other way. If you're still unsure, why not sit down with her and talk about it - she's the only one who knows the truth. However, be careful how you go about it. You don't want to give her the impression that you don't trust her. After all, why does it matter whether she was a virgin or not?!
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (19 July 2013):
 I'd say she was a virgin;
"easy to penetrate her"~ she was probably very turned on, and may have played with herself before so she was used to penetration?
"trimmed bush"~ many girls shave/trim their hair down there for themselves and not for a guy. especially during summer months. Many of my friends shaved down there before even having a boyfriend.
"legs wide open"~ Girls watch porn too, maybe it's something she learnt from it?
"after we were done there was blood"~ This is the most obvious one, girls often bleed after their first time, so she probably isn't lying to you.
I can't see any reason why she would lie to you about something like this? :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): I'm the original poster, my age is wrong, I'm 28, I'm not sure if that matters though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2013): I think you may be being a wee bit paranoid here. It was probably very embarrassing for her to admit that she was a virgin and it may have been hard for her to tell you. I was a virgin when I met my boyfriend and I delayed telling him for months because I was so embarrassed by it. I think that, unless you pressured her and made her feel like she had to be a virgin, then the fact that she told you she was probably means she actually was. Girls are often embarrassed about being a virgin because we think guys like experienced girls. She may have thought you'd like it if she acted like she knew what she was doing. She was probably trying to please you. Perhaps she hid the pain (some girls hide it because they don't want their partner to feel bad) or perhaps it genuinely didn't hurt. I know a girl who never experienced any pain with sex, even the first time.In short, yes I think she was a virgin. But I don't like the fact that you seem so suspicious of her. Does it mean that much to you? Do you not trust her? she deserves better than to have someone be suspicious of her if she has been open with you.
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