A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:I am so depressed, please nobody try and tell me this is a stupid crush! I know exactly what a stupid crush is! And this is not a stupid crush.As a child I suffered quite alot of personal family trauma, I had to take care of my whole family, I used to have my Dad to help but he decided to leave me to cope on my own. Because of all this I hit puberty at around 9 years old. I started getting spots, having mood swings, yelling at people for no reason and I had my first "crush" on a boy. Well I certainly have grown up from there, and now at 15 I'm tired, and I'm mature. And my councillor says that maybe it's a good thing I am so mature.but it's not. I have fallen for my teacher, at first I was just attracted to him, nothing more. But as Iv'e seen him more, and got to know him better I really feel emotionally attatched to him. It hurts so much! My best friend, who is the only one I've told, says that I can't be that mature because I haven't even had sex yet! I have to admit, I laughed in her face, if thats what maturity is based on these days!!But I know that for probably the first time properly, I feel sexually attracted to him, I have dreams about him, and I fantasise about him. Now I was fully aware that this could just be a part of growing up, so I searched for ways to stop being ridiculous basically. And one site I found said that I should think of him, not as a teacher, but just doing human things, like shopping or cooking, or sleeping. When I think of these things I am seriously not fased, infact the thought of knowing him as more than a teacher just makes me want him more. I don't know what to do. I'm lost, and I'm hurting. I feel like if I don't tell him soon I'm going to burst. And I do have the feeling he likes me back. But I won't go into detail because I don't think it's important. I realy need advice on where to go from here. Because I can't really talk to my friends about this because they think it's discusting. But I think I am in love. If there is even anyone in a similar situation please leave me a comment. I just feel so alone.
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acne, best friend, crush, depressed, my teacher Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mochasweet213  +, writes (2 May 2008):
Sweety,I totally know how you feel. When I was 14 I was placed in a similar situation,although I wasn't in love. He was my science teacher,he always was flirting with me, openly too. I had a crush on him,so I have to admit that I did flirt back sometimes,but that was it.I missed alot of school that year due to an illness,and usually I'd have to come up to make up work. He started to make a few "moves" on me. I knew he was married and had children. He began to put his arms over my waist.I was MATURE just like you. I simply asked him,"Find me in 4 years,with divorce papers. If you really want me you'll wait." I'm not going to lie and say that he never flirted with me again,but he was much more professional about it. Every few months whenever I see him around town or wherever he'll say "I'm waiting."
But my point is,if you really love him and he loves you, he'll wait until you're at least 18 or until you're ready.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): im in the same situation. i feel so alone, and i cry every day because i know ill never be with him. [hes married] =[ so i know how you feel..i think my teacher knows i like him, but doesnt want to get in trouble which i understand.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): you say you feel completely alone and i can so relate to that - i don't really like hanging out with peaople my own age, they all seem so immature, and i am so in love with my teacher as well - people will say its just a crush, or lust or something, but he is quite literally everything i think about, and whenever i see him, my heart goes so jittery, and i'm becoming paranoid, thinking im seeing him everywhere and whenever im somewhere where he could be too, my eyes dart everywhere for him and i just feel like running away. it's real love. i used to think that i was so strange and sick, but there are so many other people out there like us. you're not alone in how you feel. im going to tell him when i leave school, definitely, and even if i'm rejected, i probably wouldn't ever see him again and anyway, maybe after that i could just move on. it's controlling my life. i guess i'm glad that i've ever actually met a guy like him.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Don't get discouraged. Quite ofter older people misunderstand younger people. (And I'm not talking about your teacher.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): I'm going through the same thing only he actually started with me...I ignored and now I'm in the deepest love EVER, and he's married now and is rejecting me after I told him my feelings. But I haven't given up AT ALL. I say go for it. Don't give up and tell him when you're fully ready to confess EVERYTHING.
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female
reader, Herminite  +, writes (10 February 2008):
I'm in a simular situation but he's just a teaching assistant so it's not quite the same, but I obsess over him and am really attracted to him. All my friends think it really descusting, not just because he's a teaching asssistant but because he's got these strange sticking out teeth and he's very camp, but I still really like him. I get the feeling that he likes me sometimes but only because I'm so obsessed with him - I know that be probebly wouldn't ever think of me in that way which is how I deal with the situation. I know it would be illigal to have any kind of relationship with him well I'm still at school so I just flirt, talk to, take interest in and play around with other boy that are more my age to keep my foucus off him, you should give this a go. I'm not saying it will work but aleast it's worth a try, that way you might fall for someone ouse instead of this teacher.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never said I was mature BECAUSE I am attracted to my teacher, I meant that past life experiences have made me mature and this has caused me to not connect with people my age and therefore I feel attracted to older men, and the older men I spend most of my time with happen to be teachers. Thats what I meant.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I don't think I have ever come across a teenage female in my life who did not insist that she was "very mature for her age."
Wanting to have rewarding experiences that are normally reserved for older people is not "maturity."
Maturity is being able to force yourself to go through un-rewarding experiences because you know that it is in your best interests.
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female
reader, Crazy-Candice +, writes (9 February 2008):
 ahh I sorta know how you feel coz I had a massive crush on one of my teachers from year 7 til year 9 and I thought i really liked him and wanted to make a move and stuff but the best thing is to just leave it for now, after all my experiences in life its soo easy to be infatuated with someone whose gorgeous and think theyre amazing but when you spend countless hours with them and really know them, then its easy to start finding them annoying and seeing their flaws. the thing is for now keep it all inside your head, and stuff, maybe go out with some friends and try and meet other guys that can distract you from him. I know what its like to be mature and fancy older guys, Ive always dated older guys since I was 12 lol i know its kinda bad :]
enjoy this infatuation cause when youre older its hard to really like someone that much, and guys being horrible can make you bitter lol. in conclusion my advice is to leave it for now, and try and meet some other guys in town or wherever, outside school. they could even be hotter! =) =)
=)
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A
female
reader, nicole5178 +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Don't get upset just because of what someone says, because it really doesn't matter what he thinks, or what I think for that matter. But I'll tell you anyway:
I think being mature makes you push away immature people, and so the only people left are older--much older. So I agree with the statement that you are have these feelings because you're more mature. Going through difficult family situations probably caused the maturity, but being mature is a good thing. Immature people are insufferable, so be glad for your early development.
I'm in the same situation. I like my teacher, and it's not a stupid crush. My situation kind of passed the 'trival' point a couple of years ago when he made a move. But he shouldn't have done that because I was so young, and it was wrong... kind of. I have yet to be fully convinced it was wrong. This is the difference between following morals or ethics, so I don't know what I should do now, since he's not talking to me after I recently reported him for crossing the line. I've decided to wait until after my birthday to talk to him about it since then I can legally make my own decisions. I advise you to wait until you're out of school to act on your feelings because if you don't, it's so much more complicated. Until then, just get to be friends with him. If you're not really good friends with him, he's not going to want anything even after you graduate.
Hope that helped you. Message me if you want someone to talk to. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd also another thing to Flynn, I know there are bigger things in the world than the "crush of a schoolgirl".. My sister was raped and sexually abused for 2 years. In the great scheme of life, I think I'm getting off quite lightly with an infatuation with my teacher. I don't need you to tell me..
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFlynn, your answer was not helpful, you told me exactly what I told you not to say, this is not a "crush" okay infatuation it may be, but crush it is not! I'm not selfish, I would never do anything to jepordise his career or his entire life for that matter, and also I cannot find guys my own age, because maturity DOES effect how you choose a partner, one would think that was obvious, but I appriciate you answering my question.
Thankyou so much to all the other people that answered my question, I don't feel as alone now, and it has given me more strength, to just wait until I leave school to tell him.
Thanks everyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): If you are really as mature as you say... then you already know the answer.Keep your mouth shut until you are out of school at the very least, and shack up with some more age-related guys in the meantime.This IS a crush. Nothing more. Love would allow you to let go. It would make you undertand that it takes a bad, bad teacher ito risk his career and getting raped in jail for some confused little girl who likes to masquerade as a woman, but doesn't have the maturity of one.Being mature has nothing to do with the types of people you are interested in, or what music or movies you watch.Maturity comes with the realisation that your own feelings are the last thing you should think of in this situation. Nd that there are things in the world bigger than the crush of a schoolgirl.Flynn 24
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (9 February 2008):
Still in love with my college professor I think. Even after I stopped talking to him and avoided him, I still think about him sometimes. But you know what? I heard from one woman who did have sex with her teacher (they were both adults) that she later regretted it. It ruined the friendship that they had.
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female
reader, Amy2007x +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Dont worry you are not alone. I am also ''madly'' in love with my teacher, and it breaks my heart, knowing that the chances of me and him getting togeather are very slim, infact so slim the possiblity doesnt even exist!Mail me and tell me why you may feel that he is attracted to you, you may nogt think it is important but it could be so mail meAmyx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): Hey, im in the same place here aswell...and i know how you feel about the stupid crush thing. But basically we can't do anything, because it is illegal, but nobody said you had to stop fantisising!! Baiscally what i do is save him for a rainy day, when I am feeling down i can inmagine him holding me or whatever...Thats how i do it, and you just have to try get through the day although we know he won't probably ever be ours. You'll probably start to go off him anyway, don't listen to what other people say. Just think of him in happiness and try to make sure he doesn't rule your world, he's only a part of it at the end of the day! all the best XXXX
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): I am in the same situation here! I have loved my teacher for the past 3 years and i never have told any1! I was out in town one night and i seen him so i was drunk and told him! The only difference here is i am 18 and your still 15! He is married but he is only 25! So we then started emailing and texting and no we r having a affair! The only problem is, its dangerous and i wouldnt want any1 to do what i am doing!
Good Luck!
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male
reader, Asexy +, writes (8 February 2008):
 I don't think any crush is stupid. I think every crush feels just as real, feels just as strong, and has the ability to hurt you whether you're 14 or 70. At this point in your life, though, you haven't had very many crushes, so you're learning how to handle them.
If you love this teacher at all, DO NOT act on your crush. You could get him fired. There are laws against the two of you having any kind of relationship until you're of "legal" age and out of school. You could ruin his career. You could destroy his life. You shouldn't want to do something like that to someone you profess to love. You have to know that this can never work out.
That said, you asked what to do next. Get involved with something active -- play a sport, join a club, take a dance class. Anything you enjoy that you can do well. Keep busy. Bonus points if what you choose involves a lot of people. It will keep your mind of the love you simply can not have, and maybe you'll meet someone you can have.
Good luck.
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