A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and I've always trusted him. I've known him for years and he was never a cheater with girls and was always well behaved. We've done long distance for the last few months and it's still going great. He moved in with his friend who owns the house and is also a really nice guy however now they're getting a female housemate and honestly it's really worrying me!Your first thought will be 'Well you obviously don't trust him!' and that's not what this comes down to. What I'm trying to get at is that he'll be in close proximity to a woman who in reality will see him more than I will and feelings can naturally occur especially if she's attractive... I'm terrified guys! I can't move in with him yet as I have a job here and he's not looking to settle where he is just yet, the whole situation isn't feasible at the minute so we're waiting for the moment. I'm going to see him tomorrow and I'm going to be honest and tell him how I feel. I don't expect him to move out obviously but I just want him to understand where I'm coming from. I've heard HORROR stories about people of the opposite sex living together even if someone was in a relationship...He has a lot of female friends who are absolutely lovely and still remains close to one of his exes who is also very nice but this new strange woman who will be living with him is making me feel so insecure! Please help :(
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his ex, insecure, long distance, moved in, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (22 August 2013):
Well, I totally understand where you're coming from and completely agree with everything you said. However, the bottom line is that he's not doing anything wrong and there's not much you can do (or should do) to change it.
Consider this a small test of your relationship. If he fails, oh well, you're one guy closer to finding the perfect one.
A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 I can completely understand where you are coming from. I would never ever feel comfortable with my husband living with another women if I wasn't there. I don't care how innocent the circumstances are. At the same time you unfortunately need to be realistic. You don't expect him to move out and he has no say in who moves in. Explaining how you feel won't go down well and will really only stress him out.The best advice I can give to you is to keep in contact with him, be support, loving, and sweet. Don't smother him though...let him breathe. Try to arrange as many visits as you can and keep a cool head. Even try to get to know the girl if you ever meet her in person. Also try to keep yourself busy from thinking about it too much. I know easier said then done. It would personally drive me crazy. Good luck and feel free to message me if you ever need to talk to someone or vent. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): The decision to have a female room-mate is up to the home-owner, and your boyfriend has little say. Your opinion about it is therefore irrelevant.
You have already opened the door to insecurity in your relationship; and this is going to be the start of future issues with females closer to your boyfriend than you are.
You said you are going to tell him how you feel. This means you are going to dump your insecurities on him, and place stress on your relationship. Not taking into account that he already has female friends, and an ex you've trusted him with. Or claim you do.
Insecurity should have at least a molecule of evidence to justify it. You probably don't trust him about the other females in his life, either. I don't see this as an isolated incident of jealousy. Jealous girlfriends are the theme of a lot of horror stories also.
It seems that he has to trust you living a distance away, without the benefit of keeping an eye on you around the clock.
He has to work, travel between home and work, and go out on errands. He can meet "strange women" anytime throughout his daily routine.
Hooking up with a roommate fall within the same odds of him hooking up with any single woman in his life. There is also that 50/50 chance that you may be the one to weaken first, and cheat on him. You don't meet attractive men, ever?
Force yourself to trust him. He has no choice but to trust you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (21 August 2013):
 This is your insecurity talking, you clearly trust your boyfriend and that's good. I do understand exactly what your saying but honestly the fact that this new flatmate is female is irrelevant.
If you're in a long distance relationship then any woman your bf works with, meets, befriends etc is in closer proximity than you and at any time "feelings can occur".
You feel insecure and have no control over this situation. I also think your self esteem might be a little low. What makes you think she'll be prettier than you in your bf's eyes and if she is and that tempts him, that would make him shallow and he doesn't sound at all like that.
You need to learn to appreciate yourself and realise how much you mean to your bf and how worthy you are. By all means tell him that you're worried he might fall in love with someone else due to the distance involved, but then let him reassure you.
Jealousy and fear are negative beasts that will surely damage any relationship. Believe in what you have together as it sounds amazing and it won't be so long before you can finally be together all the time.
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