A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I've been with this girl for 3 years now. We have a child together. I love her dearly and want to marry her. She does everything for me. She let's me want for nothing. We have the same religious background which is wonderful (first girl I've ever met who shares my religion and I'm completely attracted to). She is the most beautiful person I know ( a kim kardashian look alike on the outside, but morally correct on the inside). I've never experienced love like this. But I think I've lost her. She did some things in her past that I don't like and I can't seem to let them go. I nag her over and over about it and when she finally decides to tell me, I flip and call her whore, slut, and tell her I should have never gotten involved with her. I throw things and even pushed her once. She cries and hurts but always forgives me. Her patience with me is quite amazing. This has been a problem since the beginning. I cant seem to let it go. I always thought id marry a virgin even though ive been quite promiscuous myself in the past. I know shes changed from her former self. She is never unaccounted for. She always has my back. For 3 years ive put her through this. Last night we talked again about her past on my nagging and i did it again! I called her names, told her i was gona cheat, and threw her chair. But whats different is she sat calmly and said nothing and today she hasnt called me. Normally she cries and begs me to forgive her for her past(which has nothing to do with me.) she did none of that today. I think shes fed up. I think this was the last straw. I told her i was done with her and she said ok!! But im not really done. I wanted to hurt her but i think i went too far. I told her no one will ever want her bc shes used up. What have i done? Her eyes welled up but she remained strong. Shes the perfect person. She may not have a perfect past but she loves me with all her heart. She has taken great care of our son for a year and a half while i would be out til midnight drinking and partying. I cheated and she forgave me. And she wanted to marry me. She told my aunt that surprisingly she was ok and shes hurt by my words but thinks she cant do it anymore. Have i lost her? Im used to her jumping back into my arms bc she loves me so much. What can i do now? I cant stand the thought of her moving on and with her personality and looks, it wont take long. Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): I only read ur qoute, u should let her go cause u don't deserve her because if u do it once ull do it twice, love her enough to let her go and not be abused by ur ungreatful ass
A
female
reader, sappygirl + ♥, writes (19 September 2008):
 You have issues and problem and you need to get help. How dare you put your insecurities on her? Putting her down and make her feel like crap. Maybe inside you don't feel worthy of having her, so you have to put her down to make sure she never leaves you. Well, guess what? You're right. You don't deserve her. What you did is worse than any physical abuse. You mentally and verbally abuse her and the damage will be lasting. Go get some serious help and don't do it to your next girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): With all respect to women, I can relate to the OP here to the extent of losing control due to her past. Im not talking hitting or anything like that, but emotional and mental abuse.
Look, you need to man up and either accept the women for being experienced, or you need to get out and find someone closer to your own background.
Truth it, its never easy to accept someone secrets, someones past, and someones problems. But in joining a relationship thats what its about. Its good to vent your frustration with your partner, to disclose your problems and your feelings, but that is different than degrading someone.
What you are doing is not only destructive to her, but to yourself. Dont you realize that you are destroying your own future here, that you are creating a world of problems for your self.
All your hurt and all your anger will not go away no matter how loud you scream at her, no matter how vile you make her feel, no matter how long or how many times it continues to happen. She cant take your pain away, she cant make you stop hurting. She is not what makes you hurt, and she is not what causes you pain... Its you that is causing these problems.
YOur girl loves you, your child loves you, why cant you love you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): You are absolutely disgusting. The smartest thing your girlfriend has done in this relationship is leave the pathetic excuse for life that you are. I'm surprised she didn't do it sooner. How dare you think that you can get away with treating any woman that way, regardless of her past and background.
Get used to being alone, because with YOUR sick personality, no one's going to put up with your b.s. ever again.
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x  +, writes (19 September 2008):
 If she's got any sense, then she's already out of state, with your son. People like you don't deserve relationships, or kids. You make me sick.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (19 September 2008):
 Oh my God where do I start?
You young man sounds like an egotistical, nasty, hypocritical bully!
How dare you judge her of what ever past relationship she had before you and call her vile names. What gives you the right to sit in judgement?
You cheat on her, you undermine her, you bully the poor girl so much, I not surprised she is fed up with you. You are stripping your lovely girlfriend every ounce of self worth she has.
I only hope she gets the courage to leave you and find a REAL MAN WITH MORALS AND RESPECT!!!
I tell you what if you ever treated me like that, I would make sure every single woman who lives in the town know what DISPICABLE VILE CREATURE YOU REALLY ARE!!!
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A
male
reader, zelgamer +, writes (19 September 2008):
 I feel bad for her. If you end up losing her, I hope you've learned a lesson. No one should ever be treated like that. You may have not hit her but you have for the past 3 years mentally abused her.
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A
male
reader, Fluxual +, writes (19 September 2008):
I agree completely with Tellulah. I hope you have pushed your girlfriend too far this time because it's quite clear she is better than you, and you know it. For you to say no-one else will want her is untrue, but you no that too don't you.
To quash a girls confidence is sadistic and you've done it to gain a strangle hold on her. If you love her (which seems doubtfull - you wouldn't treat someone you love like this) then let her go. Just because your destined for a life full of bitterness and misery doesn't mean she has to be.
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A
male
reader, Fluxual +, writes (19 September 2008):
I agree completely with Tellulah. I hope you have pushed your girlfriend too far this time because it's quite clear she is better than you, and you know it. For you to say no-one else will want her is untrue, but you no that too don't you.
To quash a girls confidence is sadistic and you've done it to gain a strangle hold on her. If you love her (which seems doubtfull - you wouldn't treat someone you love like this) then let her go. Just because your destined for a life full of bitterness and misery doesn't mean she has to be.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (19 September 2008):
 I certainly hope that it is to late for you. She sounds like a caring and wonderfull person, and deserves a lot beter than you (but you already know that) If you really love her, then let he go. Dont make her any more promises because you clearly cannot keep them. I truly believe that if she forgave you again, you would do exactlly the same thing.
I hope this will be a valuable lesson to you, and you will never treat another person like that again.
It makes me so bloody angry when people hide behind religion. Who are you to hold the moral high ground over her anyway? its you that has been acting like your Possessed, not her. Why is it that if you mention that your religious, you feel it gives you the right to treat a lady like dirt, just because you were not the first person to sleep with her.
Does that make you a better person???? Read your question back "I THINK NOT"
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A
female
reader, happytochat  + ♥, writes (19 September 2008):
"I wanted to hurt her but i think i went too far"- there is never a time where hurting someone, especially the gf you claim to lvoe is ok. It is NEVER ok. There isnt a point of hurting her at which you 'go to far'- its always 'to far' and wrong.
You said shes the perfect person. In my opinion, you feel shes perfect because she puts up with all your abuse. You dont want a gf, a true love, or a wife, you want someone who will succumb to your power and abuse. You want someone who will claim there undying love for you despite what you do and you want somoene who will beg for you, to make YOU feel good despite what you did to her. If you truly wanted a gf, someone to love you and who you love, you woudlnt do what you are doing.
You KNOW its wrong, but you are still doing it.
If you want your bf back then you need to take a break from her (quite a while i think) and deal with yourself. Go see a counsellor and talk about why you are abusive. Were you ever abused? My guess is either you were abused and/or you suffer from deep inseucirities and inferior issues as this is common in abusers. You need to heal yourself before you can ever have another gf or get your ex gf back.
You must realise that it takes a long time to deal with any issues you may have, just as it will probably take years if not more for your ex gf to deal with all you put her through!
Once you have dealt with your issues, then, only then should you consider going bac kwith your ex.
Please take a look at this website if you truly want to change: http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/abuser.htm
The question is, do you want to change? Or do you just want your victim back so you can abuse her again? If you are serious then you will seek professional help.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 + ♥, writes (19 September 2008):
 Hi Love
This is a very spoken about subject, The man gets to fool around before settling down and the woman is supposed to remain untouched for this knight in shining Armour to come along and sweep her off her virgin feet!!!!!WELCOME TO THE 21 CENTURY! You have punished your as you say beautiful g/f by pushing her making her cry insulting her calling her names and now she has had enough and thats apart from forgiving you for cheating on her..She shares your religious beliefs ( Id like to no what god decides this punishment) she is the image of kim kardashian who is obviously in your eyes not morally corect on the inside but good enough to look at.
Hunny you need serious help, Your g/f is not a slut a whore or anything like this yes she had partners before you big deal! But she stayed with you with all this abuse because she loved you she stayed after you cheated because she loved you..You think you have a right to cheat then call her a whore PLEASE TELL ME THAT MAKES NO SENSE TO YOU!
I was with a man who brought me down over and over again and the best thing I ever did was leave as it was obvious he wasnt going to change...To be loved is a special gift and one we should not take for granted going back is not living, They call today the Present, It is so called as it is a gift, You need to see someone about all these issues hunny as you will never get on with life with these hang ups and your abusive nature towards them. I belive the inside of a person is were the beauty lies and from what you have said about your g/f she is truely beautiful..TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Morally correct????..Religious?? In love with this woman????... Don't make me laugh.. You've tortured, abused and hurt her for 3years, you didn't even care that you was doing this to the mother of your child. For you I have no advice, you are a sadist monster and you just want to get her back so you can hurt her again. But for that dear lovely woman and mother, I hope she runs far away from you and never comes back. Go and seek some professional mental help before you hurt somebody else as badly as you've hurt and abused her. You are a selfish, sick individual and you need help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): You are an insecure fool and have been mentally abusing her. You have serious hang ups and do not deserve to keep this woman.
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (19 September 2008):
 ...I really don't know where to start.
It's hard to understand why you think you have any chances left with this woman. You supposedly love her dearly, and yet you belittle her, abuse her, and cheat on her.
What gives you the right to flip out over her past when you have said yourself that your own is far from perfect? You call her a whore when you are the one who cheated? And she loves you enough to stay with you after you do these things - and then you just go and do it AGAIN?
Funny way of showing your love, mate. I'd hate to think how you'd treat a person you did't like.
Honestly, I'd be fed up too, and I can't blame her wanting yo leave you. Turn the tables for a second and think about it. You're with someone who supposedly loves you, and yet takes every opportunity to bring you down - what's the sensible course of action?
It sounds like you need some help. Perhaps try and seek out a counsellor, who will help you not to dwell on her past, and get past some of your apparent anger issues. And if this girl leaves you, consider it a lesson, and learn from your mistakes.
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