A
female
age
41-50,
*ired42
writes:Should I stay or go??I'll try and be brief with this, i met my partner 4 years ago, it was great at first we travelled the world together, and used to do a lot of things together. We moved into our own place but a year ago he decided we move back into mum and dads which i didn't want to do. So to to make him happy i did so, its hard living with my parents and i dont have my space anymore, he has become lazy and helps me with nothing, i cook and clean and make his lunches, organise his money and he dosnt do one thing for me. I work full time and go home and still have to work on my private accounting clients, whilst trying to prepare dinner, wash clothes etc. For a whole year now i have begged him to go for a coffee or out for dinner and he says we dont need to we have everything at home, yet when hes invited for a boys night or asked to work interstate he has no heistation. I'm un happy and he dosnt seem to listen please help
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 I would honestly move OUT and get a place of my own if I was you. Living with your parents is OK in emergencies and for shorter durations ( of if you need to be their care givers) You are 42, correct?
Think about WHAT you want and go for it. If he doesn't want to go out, do your own thing with your friends. Stop doing his finances and stop making him lunch, you OBVIOUSLY have plenty on your plate as it is. If you keep doing everything for him you are basically enabling his laziness in a way. ( if that makes sense)
Maybe he needs a swift kick in the rear to motivate him a tad.
A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 I am wondering why he wanted to move back in with his parents after having your own place and travelling the world is it because of money issues?
What has changed in this relationship to make him want to be at home with parents at his age, and just watch the world go by?
Has he lost his job? is he depressed? i am thinking something more deeper has gone on here and that is why he is behaving like this.
I don't buy people never change yes they do i am living proof of that, so find out why he is behaving and retreating into himself and talk like there is no tomorrow, unless we communicate with one another, we are basically hitting our head against a brick wall!
Gina
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 As long as you're willing to tend him and his needs and wants are being met, he has no incentive to disrupt the status quo. This arrangement is working quite nicely for him so why should he change it? He also sees how tired and unhappy you are working, paying bills, cooking, cleaning and tending clothes. Why in the world would he want to inflict that misery on himself?
Since you are the one who's unhappy (and rightly so) it is YOU who must change. YOUR priority is tending YOUR clients, paying YOUR bills, cooking YOUR food and washing YOUR clothes. Be sure to invest in YOUR fun as well.
I don't recommend making any announcements about the new arrangement because your actions, not your words will speak volumes, especially when you've already said it all.
Do this cheerfully, no nagging, and no complaining. If he thinks taking care of oneself is a huge onerous task, he'll be less inclined to do it. If he sees how cheerful and upbeat you are, how your needs are being met and you're no longer looking after him, he'll have to make a decision; wear dirty clothes, starve and miss out on the fun, OR step up to bat.
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A
female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 i say its time to talk turkey. Tell him that you are leaving unless there is a change. Im not talking about a threat, but a statement of facts. Then follow through. Time is too short to be unhappy in an uncommitted relationship.
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A
female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
i say its time to talk turkey. Tell him that you are leaving unless there is a change. Im not talking about a threat, but a statement of facts. Then follow through. Time is too short to be unhappy in an uncommitted relationship.
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (14 October 2009):
 People treat us how we teach them to treat us. You've stayed in a disrespectful relationship and wonder why you're getting disrespected.
A leopard doesn't change his spots.
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A
female
reader, Bliz + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
I'm sorry to say this, but your situation sounds horrible. Your partner is not even being a half-decent roommate, let alone a partner. At the risk of sounding horribly judgmental towards him, I don't think he is even acting like an adequate child.
From what you have written, you sound like you are a highly capable person who deserves to put her energy towards something more fulfilling and worthwhile than this man-child.
I'm sorry that he has not held up his end of the deal, but you have no reason to tolerate this from him or anyone. He is not listening because he isn't interested in hearing what you have to say, and he lacks the moral fiber to grow up, which is why he is leaching off of you and your parents.
It sounds like you will land on your feet. You live close (perhaps uncomfortably so) to your parents, you know how to care for yourself, and you have a reliable job. You are in a good position to enjoy your life, and he is dragging you down.
You deserve to be happy and fulfilled. I wish you all the best in those endeavors.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 Do what you have to do to be happy. You have this one certain life on earth and it is fleeting.
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