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I'm undecided - should I give in to my brother's urges and have sex with him?

Tagged as: Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2008) 35 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My brother trying to seduce me. He's been trying for a long time, from time to time he was making a move on me, but now I think he's serious.

When we were in early teens (13-15) we already had a kind of sexual relationship with him - we've been touching each other and masturbated in front of each other, but it passed. It was mutual, we both liked it. We've never had a real sex or something.

But some years ago he started trying to seduce me - he was trying to touch my private areas, he spied on me while I was changing, taking a bath, etc. He even caught me masturbating and left a phone in my room with video recorder turned on while I was having sex with my boyfriend! I never noticed it and simply caught him (I think he let me catch him on purpose) while he was watching this video and masturbated on it.

He's persistent and what I fear the most - that I'm falling for it. I think I want to have sex with him, but it's wrong, he's my brother! But every time when he making his move on me I'm feeling aroused and I want him to continue.

Other than that - he's a great brother, he always cared about me and always protected me. We always have been really friendly with each other and really close, and we are now...

But is it okay for siblings to have sex with each other? Cause I feel how hard he wants me, and I'm not all that against giving him what he wants, but still we are brother and sister...

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A male reader, hannibalbrown United States +, writes (28 May 2009):

hannibalbrown agony auntThe first thing you want to consider is the consequences. Do you love your brother in an emotional romantic respect or just in lustful thinking? I had an issue with controlling my own urges toward my sister and I do regret what I did, I never slept with her nor did anything happen between us, but we will never have the same relationship we used to have. So before you do ANYTHING consider the positives and the negatives, wait a week and after that make your final decision ;) Please let me know your choice friend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009):

didda123,

You raise some interesting and intelligent points, so I think that it might be a good idea for me to respond. You ask why would somebody choose a family member. Good question, and the answer for my own life situation is that I fell in love with him. I had the choice whether to follow the dictates of society, or follow my heart... my heart won. I've never regretted it and we are closer than I ever thought possible. It's got nothing to do with it being a 'thrill', although it obviously is a thrill, at least at first. To me, my relationship feels like a normal and natural thing, even though society says that it isn't.

Incest isn't for everyone, and you're quite right that some people do carry guilt even when the relationship is between consenting adults. That hasn't been true in my case, but it can happen, and I've known it to happen to some of the people who I have been friends with online over the years. I believe that the guilt that some people feel may stem from the very fact that society says it is wrong. Think about it, the WHOLE WORLD says that incest is wrong and yet doesn't feel wrong to us. If the incest taboo was removed from society, the guilt factor would disappear.

Not everyone realises on a concious level that society can and does get things wrong. It was only about 60 years ago that homosexual and lesbian couples went through the same sort of crap that we have to put up with today, the secrecy and fear of the law.

If you look at us hard enough, you'll realize that we are not the sick monsters that society portrays us as. We work for a living, we do normal things, we keep pets, go shopping... etc, and yes, we fall in love. It isn't as though I haven't tried 'normal' relationships, because I've had a few of those and none worked. It feels more right for me to be with my dad than it's ever done being with anyone else.

In short I think some of us are just wired up that way. In fact there has been many debates within the incest community as to why we do what we do. We came to the conclusion that it seems plausible that the gene which supposed to make us adverse to incest may be defective in our case, where the circumstantial situations in our lives may simply provide the right conditions under which to act on this defective gene. Even so, I'm comfortable and happy with who and what I am, and even if I could change it, I wouldn't.

You're right that my situation means that I see things in a totally different perspective. All I'm trying to do here is to clarify my perspective to you so that you might better understand not only me, but other incestuous people you may encounter online.

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A female reader, didda123 United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2009):

didda123 agony auntThere's millions of people in the world why pick one from the same litter it is a relationship that can only be riddled with secrecy, guilt and heartache and will never be a loving relationship between a couple which can be admired and shown openly to the world! There are masses of things which you will miss out on persuing a relationship of this nature.

It is absolutely ridiculous though i am not so stupid as to realize that these things do go on, i remember an incident with a school friend who's brother was always persuing her but i couldn't believe that either.

I think you have a completely different take on the situation Daughter UK considering you are having a relationship with your father, and just because you are both consenting adults does not give you a license to thrill we are supposed to have a bit more off than the animal kingdom but i am beginning to wonder!

Go on get stuck in but bear the consequences and the guilt for the rest of your life!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009):

As somebody who has been in a relationship with my dad for the last seven years, and spoken to many others who have had similar experiences, I believe that I will be able to shed some light on your situation.

As you already know, incest is against the law in most countries, but whether it is immoral or not depends on the situation. If you're both consenting adults, and you don't become pregnant then I see absolutely no problem with you going with your feelings.

This said, you should be aware of a few things. Because of the illegality of incest, you obviously will have to hide your relationship from your friends and family. Most people just wouldn't get it and might freak out and turn you both in. This life of hiding can be a strain, but it is necessary if you wish to be together.

Also remember that if you do choose to persue a romantic relationship with him, whatever you do don't try to push the fact that he is your brother to the back of your mind. You will have to be BOTH siblings and lovers to each other at the same time, this will create a complete bond that is essentially quite different from the traditional link between unrelated people.

Ultimately, you must decide in your heart whether this relationship is right for you two or not. I suggest you both sit down and talk about your feelings, and have a think about what I've said. If you'd like to speak to other incestuous people so that you get more views than just mine, you could always come to my site (don't worry, it's NOT a porn site, in fact I set this place up to get away from all the porn and the one handed-typists who watch it) http://daughteruksworld.myfreeforum.org/index.php

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A male reader, JTalbott United States +, writes (24 May 2008):

JTalbott agony auntLovers come and go in life. Breaking causes a huge range of feelings and many times the healthiest way to deal with those feelings is to never see an ex again.

Further sexualizing your relationship with your brother may destroy it in the longterm and cause you to lose out on an important non-sexual male friend that you may need later in your life.

Sadly your brother has relationship boundary issues and is causing you to experience the same thing in your life. I shudder to think what his future behavior will be towards his daughters.

Bottom line. A sexual relationship with your brother will have consequences in your relationship to other men for the rest of your life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):

Cockyjake, I am surprised that you would encourage this girl to have sex with her brother, when you said that you freaked out when you awoke to your own sister giving you a blowjob. If that sexual experience with your sister freaked you out, why are you encouraging this girl to have sex with her brother?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008):

The labeling of brother and sister. These are just words.

If you want to have sex and you feel the energy between you then DO IT for gods sake!

Your in more agony by avoiding it because its taboo.

Practice safe sex and have FUN!

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (8 May 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntFreedom, it is a difficult thing to believe in. If you believe people should be free then taboos like incest can't really exist. After all, who has the right to tell two adults what they can or cannot do privately?

Incest is a complex issue, for most westerners heavily influenced by Christian values, associations with child abuse and the idea that any offspring would be deformed.

The Christian influence is subtle but strong, just think how natural we find it to have Sunday off. Other religions/philosophies have different views making incest more acceptable. It is not nearly as universal a taboo as some think.

You two are both adults making clear incest doesn't have to involve children.

As for risks to any children, first off there is birth-control but the risks are far less then those caused by smoking OR drinking OR eating wrong and any number of other things women AND men do that could harm a child.

But still, should you? No.

Why not after all this? Because you have to ask so this really is no different to me then you asking if you should sleep with any other person. If you have to ask, the answer is NO.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008):

is it ok for you and your brother to have sex with eachother? you need to think about it for a while before you do so since he might be in love with you and not just interested in sex.and you need to make sure that you have protection.

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A female reader, katie-4632x. United Kingdom +, writes (23 April 2008):

to be honest i have 2 brothers and i wouldnt even dream of thinking of them like that. The reason why brothers and sisters shouldnt have sex is because it is too close in the blood line and can cause deformities in any future children you may be planning to have. Overall its not worth the devastation with family members and can save some hassle by avoideing some very disturbing questions from people.

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A male reader, previasc96 United States +, writes (23 April 2008):

I'm glad you got your issue sorted. Now be a good sister and hook your brother up with one of your nice girlfriends eh!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008):

One word answer; 'yes'. Ok, more words, I sdislike my family so I find it hard to imagine why any1 would want to even talk to them never mind ride them. But sure I suppose there are some loving families out there, but I dont think they have sex either. Basically dont because it is gross, seriously, like cumon, remember him when he picks his nose, and leaves a big smelly poo in the bathroom. That will soon turn you off him.Seriously like, there are some fucked up people in Canada, but then there's probably less choice there. Basically, no dont do it, unless you want to have kids that look like Shane MacGowan. Lotsa hugs and kisses. :)

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A male reader, int5 United States +, writes (6 April 2008):

Piperr I wouldn't be talking you yourself had sex with family so why don't u get some help,and everyone quit being so judgemental.

There's nothng wrong with keeping it in the family. Non related people have birth defects as well maybe not as much as incest cases but they do. I support u and ur brother 100%

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

It's good that this turned out to be a positive experience for you, and not one that was harmful or made you and your brother feel guilty afterwards. Just out of curiosity, what made it the best experience you have ever had?

And, are you going to tell your boyfriend about this sexual encounter that you had with your brother? Do you think he will be able to handle it? Did your boyfriend know that your brother had been trying to seduce you?

I know you said you both agreed that you will never do this again, but what if your brother changes his mind and asks to have sex with you again? Given that it was the best experience you've eve had, would you consider doing it again if he asked?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

Hi everyone and thanks for your answers.

I'm the one that asked a question, and I wanna give you an update on my situation: after all I gave up and had sex with my brother and I wanna say it was the best sex experience I ever had!

After the sex he confessed to me that he wanted to try sex with me for many years and now when we've done it he thinks it was the best sex in his whole life.

We talked to each other about the future of our relationship and decided that it was worth trying and really enjoyable but we will never do it again cause still we brother and sister and we want to remain this way forever.

I think since then we became closer to each other, and now, when we satisfied our curiosity we can continue living as we always did.

After all it was great, enjoyable experience and I'm really glad we done it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008):

Brothers and sisters play with each other for fun when they are children, just like they do with other kids. Then when kids get older, their idea of play often involvesin sex. So it's just like you're playing with each other, just this time it's sexual play. The idea that having sex with your sibling is wrong is no different from when society having homosexual/lesbian relationships is wrong. Now it is widely accepted, even though many laws still prohibit sexual contact between persons of the same sex. So people say it's wrong only because society now frowns on it (in medieval times incest was practiced in royal families because it was thought that would keep the royal family line "pure."

Bottom line is it's only wrong if the two people doing it feel it's wrong. Do what you want and don't worry about what others might think.

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A female reader, piperr Kenya +, writes (28 February 2008):

who in their right mind would even consider sleeping with their brother?people dont say or do such things it is unacceptable in the society.you know the right answer baby.its wrong n disgusting.u nid help.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008):

Well, first I need to ask more about the sexual relationship you had with him when you were teens. You said you both touched each other? Did this involve you giving him handjobs or blowjobs, and did he finger your vagina or perform oral sex on you? If this was a pleasurable and enjoyable experience for both of you, this may be why he is trying to seduce you now.

Secondly, sex between brothers and sisters happens more often than people think. Just do a search here with the words sex my brother and see how many posts come up. And sex between siblings happens a lot in the animal kingdom among mammals, and we are mammals. So some of it is just hormones.

So, if you are not at all that against having sex with him, and you think you would enjoy it, then go ahead and have sex with him, but be sure you use birth control, maybe even two forms (like condoms and the pill at the same time). It sounds like you are sexually aroused by his advances, which might be the fact that you are very close to each other, and he is protective of you. So it sounds like he cares about you, so you might have a very strong loving relationship with each other if you have sex with him. Look up bunnyjoy's post under "i'm in love with my brother and having sex with him" for an example of this.

Also, you might try logging on to the Incest Board at www.incestboard.com. There are people, including girls who are having sex with their brothers, who could give you some advice as to how to deal with this issue. Good luck, and please post back to let us know what you decided to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008):

Hi Hunny,

This is not right and you no deep down its the wrong thing to do so I suggest that if you and your brother get on this well you ask him to see a counsellor as should you, You are both young at the moment but as you get older the realisation of what you have done or are contemplating doing could harm you both to a huge degree. Please think very carefully and seek couselling WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, massageismylife United States +, writes (1 February 2008):

massageismylife agony auntthat is incest!!! and thats not a good thing unless you were trying to keep the riches in the family but you didnt mention anything like that!! so my answer to this question is please please dont do this!!!! trust me you can make someone much more happy you are not related to. and maybe you need to mentin this to another family member cause your brother might need a little help and im not trying to be ugly about this!! best wishes and remember just leave this one alone!! xoxoxoxoxo

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008):

ooops, another one slipped by the moderators. Give me a break--this is j-u-n-k.....plain and simple.

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A female reader, happyholly United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

I think you know the answer to this question, If it was right you would not even be asking. How many of your friends sleep with their brothers. I do feel you both have a few issues i think it would be best if you could talk with someone medical. I can understand you can be close but not sex it will cause to many problems for you both. So many men and women out there just look else where.

Just say No, Holly x

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A female reader, bee12 Ireland +, writes (31 January 2008):

no offence but i need to throw up, please say this isnt serious, that is so wrong, id rather chew off both my arms before going near my brother, you should be the same!

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A female reader, bemused Canada +, writes (31 January 2008):

bemused agony auntThis sounds like an episode of somebody's favorite soap. Come on hun...get yourself into the real world here. Exercise some self care and self respect here. You know what you should do...you do not need all of us to verify it.

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A female reader, missaqua777 United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

missaqua777 agony auntyou have to understand that if you did this, there would be no going back-you will have stepped way over a line that you could never go back on. I say this because it's completely abnormal and it could affect you for the rest of your life, my advice would be to think very carefully and definitely get some psychological help involved, including your brother, but please, it would be so traumatic for you if you did step the line, just think about all the things you's be burdening yourself with, psychologically, socially, emotionally-would your family and friends tolerate either of you if you did this, just please get as much professional advice as possible and listen to all this good advice, and just try and avoid this happening at all costs.

Take care x

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A female reader, Dawnie United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

Dawnie agony auntIs this a joke????

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A male reader, Arkiteck United States +, writes (31 January 2008):

I hope to God this is not real, that's F*#&*$G nasty.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

DrPsych agony auntI think this reads like an Eastenders script...planting video cameras in bedrooms to catch people getting up to all sorts...

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

hello1 agony auntYour brother needs help, you don't film your sister having sex or changing. I hope this is a joke post. If not then you get help too

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A male reader, undesired1989 United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

undesired1989 agony auntHmmm....that's a problem. I'm English, and if I did it, it would be completely unnacceptable and sick, but Americans were allowed to marry cousins, so I don't know, I thinks it's more accepted over there. Well, I would advise not to

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2008):

TELLULAH agony auntFunny!!! I can hear the tune from "Deliverence" in the background as well.

Is it OK, get a grip love!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

This is a surprisingly common problem. Incest is illegal in the UK, not only that it is not accepted socially. If you have sex with your brother and were found out would your family accept the relationship? what about your friends and colleagues not to mention people you pass in the street.

The chances are you and our brother would be shunned, this is not accepted behaviour and is one of the oldest taboos. I highly recommend you encourage to see a doctor about this, hopefully he will be quickly referred to a psychologist. You to could benefit from this. Do not have sex with your brother it is wrong on all possible levels.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (31 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntSex with members of the same family or relatives is called incest and is a taboo in many cultures and religions.

There are reasons why it is a taboo.

If you want to know more about incest and the whys, you can go to this link;-The universality of incest.

http://www.psychohistory.com/htm/06a1_incest.html

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

Is this real?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

No problem at all. Go ahead with it if you'd like to have children like the Banjo player in the movie 'Deliverance'.

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