A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's best friend is getting married in 2 weeks. My boyfriend is the best man in the wedding. I don't know ANYONE, except my boyfriend. I have met his friend a couple of times, but...i don't know him extremely well, and...we have a lot of differences. We don't get into fights or anything. But...i don't see him or hang out with him regularly or anything. But anyway...My boyfriend invited me to the wedding, and I would go...but i don't want to be sitting by myself at a wedding that i don't know ANYONE for a couple of hours. B/c i know my boyfriend is going to be busy doing "best man" stuff, like the speech, and...being occupied etc. I kinda don't want to go, and i've been thinking of excuses on why i can't. But i feel bad.Do you think i should go or not? If you think i should, what do you think i should do? I would feel really uncomfortable and shy sitting by myself.
View related questions:
best friend, shy, wedding Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (14 October 2009):
 im going to a wedding with my bf of 4 yrs to his best friends wedding, he will be the best man. i know the groom and bridew and thats it! its in 2 weeks. iwas a little reluctant too. but, my bf said to me, please come, i just want u on my arm so i can feel proud to have u on my arm. he said he just would not shine without me there. so, im going to this wedding. for what reason? to be his shining star on his arm. its not really about "getting to know" the guest there, rather its going to the event and sharing that moment with ur beloved. thats what its all about. so my advice to you sweetie is, GO, have a blast, be your bfs shining star on his arm.ur his gal. albeit, yes he will be busy doing things. so will my bf. but, i know while my bf is busy, he will still be handing me glances, ccoming every so often to make sure im okay etc, im sure u will also be ok. confidenceis very important. so go and try to talk to a few people. smile. carry urself gracefully. people will notice and comment later tp ur bf what a nice girl u have! etc. remember. weddings dont forever. its just a day event.
A
female
reader, k_c100  + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 Well you have 2 choices, one is a selfish choice where you will feel better but you will hurt your boyfriend, the other is where you will feel uncomfortable and might not have a good time but there is a chance you might enjoy yourself:
1. Dont go. If you dont go yes you will feel better and you can do something you want to do, instead of being somewhere you dont want to be. But bear in mind what your boyfriend will think if you dont go - he will be really upset and disappointed you are not there to support him for what is a big deal to him. My boyfriend has just been the best man at his friend's wedding and yes he was hugely busy but he was so nervous and it was a massive deal to him. So if you dont go he wont have the most important girl in his life there to support him - how do you think that will make him feel? While he may not have the time to talk to you it would make all the difference just to be able to see your face when he does his speech, just to know that you are there supporting him.
2. Go to the wedding. Sometimes in life we just have to put ourselves outside of our comfort zones and try our best to make the most of a bad situation. If you do go, yes you might not have the best time ever but it will mean a lot to your boyfriend, so really you would be doing it for him. And at the end of the day you get to go to a nice venue for some free food and a few drinks, where is the harm in that? People at weddings tend to be quite sociable, everyone is happy and having a nice day so it wont be too hard to strike up a conversation. Ask your boyfriend to introduce you to some people he knows that will be attending the wedding over the next 2 weeks - that way if you know a few faces before you go then at least you can chat to them.
I think it is worth having a chat with your boyfriend about how you feel - if you tell him that you want to be there to support him but you feel a bit worried about the situation because you dont know anyone, then hopefully he will be able to put your mind at rest and help you.
Personally if I were in this situation then I would go to the wedding, I would put on a brave face and grin and bear it. His best man duties will be over after the speech anyway so you will have him back for the evening part of the wedding anyway, so it will only be a few hours where you are on your own. But have a chat with him and tell him how you feel - it is best to be honest about it than just tell him your not going, he will just think you are being selfish. Whereas if you talk to him about your concerns he will hopefully understand and you can come to a decision together.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, sarcy24 + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 i heartily agr with Old Guy. Some people can cope very well on their own and start chatting to people, participating etc etc and others like me are far too shy and would be stranded on their own for hours. Yes explain that you know he will be busy and you don't want to spoil it for him having to concentrate on you so feeling torn on such a special day, so say that it is best that on this occsion you don't go. Don't metion that you don't know anyone, feel uncomfortable, you don't need to mention this.
When I was 24 my boyfriend's brother got married and he was best man and boy was I a spare part. It was hell on earth and I sulked and spoilt the day for evryone. Don't be like me and opt out gracefully.
...............................
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents + ♥, writes (14 October 2009):
 I think that as the best man's girlfriend you should definitely go! You have every right and privilege to be there, and when you get there act like it! Don't be shy! Being "shy" and "introverted" is not an excuse! Besides, going to a wedding where you don't know anyone is not the end of the world, you're definitely not the first or the last person to go to a wedding like that. Don't think of yourself as a stranger in a strange land, because that's the wrong way to look at it! Don't avoid life by hiding behind a label of shy. Because then that label becomes your handicap. Wherever you end up seated, whoever you're next to, at that wedding, just say, "Hi, my name is So and So, and I'm the best man's girlfriend. The bride and groom look so wonderful together, don't they?" And just keep the conversation going. Ask them who they are how they are related to the bride or groom, what side of the family they're on. Where they're from, did they have a hard time finding the venue, are they staying somewhere overnight, going back home today? Comment on the food, comment on the weather, ask them what do they do, ask them how long they've known the bride and groom, what memories they have of them, the list of appropriate conversation topics is simply endless, and remember that if you are shy and reserved, you don't have to talk about yourself, as long as you keep asking them questions about THEM, everyone loves to talk about themselves, so you make yourself interesting by being interested in THEM, and at the same time control the conversation! There is just no reason to avoid going to this or any wedding you are ever invited, girl! I really hope you go! Have fun!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): Some people can thrive in situations like that. Shy, introverted people aren't among them. If it's going to be an ordeal for you, explain to your boyfriend that you don't want to ruin his good time by having to worry that you're stranded and miserable. You're quite right that he's going to be busy, so make a date with a girlfriend and go to a movie instead.
...............................
|
