A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Got a crush on a 56yr old man. I know theres no long term potential and I know its not smart to get involved. But I feel weak. i like him a lot and I know he likes me too. would it be ok to have a short-tetm relationship with him? I dont like the idea of fwb, I honestly want to date him, get to know him better etc. he asked me out finally and im excited. Hes been backing off and stepping forward on and off since we first met. How can we make it work? If we were closer in age, i'd have him as my husband I think. But since we are not, I just want to enjoy him ad he is and have good memories for the future.
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female
reader, WS +, writes (16 May 2012):
 Why set yourself up for certain heartache? Ask yourself why a man old enough to be your father wants to date you! Why put your time or effort into something thats going nowhere? Find someone closer to your age with potential. Don't you think you deserve that??
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (15 May 2012):
 " How can we make it work? If we were closer in age, i'd have him as my husband I think."First off, if you want a short term relationship, why would you ask how you can make it work? If it's short and non-consequential, there is no point in over-thinking and over-planing a future that will never be. Why ask how to make it work? Wouldn't you just jump into it and see where it leads you and accept when it end?The fact is you're betraying your own self. You don't want a short-term thing. As you state, you see him as husband material. You like him and you would like to have a serious relationship deep down inside. And this is exactly why you two will never work out, aside from the age gap. You won't be able to just break it off after an x amount of time because you really like him. And besides, how do you propose that you end it? You go in giving yourself a 3 month deadline, or a 2 week deadline? Things just don't work that way.This is what I see coming from this. More likely than not, you will fall in love. You will waste more time than you thought and it will fail.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (15 May 2012):
 A friend of mine who is in her mid 20s just broke it off with her 55 year old boyfriend of one year. Quite honestly, I don't know how it went on for a year.
Sure, the idea of dating an older man sounds enticing, but here are the questions I had for my friend, and I will ask them to you:
-Do you think it's appropriate of him to be dating someone who is his daughter's age?
-What does it say about him that it's okay to date someone who would be around his daughter's age?
-Wouldn't any other 55 year old father have a fit if they found out their 23 year old daughter was dating a 55 year old man?
-What is there to talk about? He would remember growing up during the Civil Rights Movement- you only know it through a history book.
-This isn't a question, but a statement. He will not like the same things as you. He will think the bands you listen to "suck" and he will rave on about good music that existed during his youth.
-Another statement: You will be judged and it will affect your friendships.
-Will you feel comfortable bringing his guy to social outings with your friends? I haven't seen my friend in a year because he didn't want to hang out with younger people and he didn't want to look like the dad supervising. He kept her in a closet, so to speak.
You can't have a rewarding relationship with a person whom is decades older than you. The both of you will be secretive about it.
By the way, there's no such thing as a short term relationship. You just don't date someone for a few months and then say "Oh I've had my helping of this... moving on to dessert." It doesn't end that way. In fact, it will not end well at all to be honest. Have you ever heard of flings and FWBs to end well?
No. Get real.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): Hear hear to the 56yo mans answer, listen to him he knows exactly what he's talking about. I am starting to wonder if these very young women who want these old fellas have Daddy complexes, which also increases the ick factor, as well as showing how immature these young girls can be. Here's a thought.......why not just enjoy being single while you're this age, do all the stuff you and your girlfriends want to do and while you're busy having a full, independant and rich life, a beautiful young man meant just for you may notice the beautiful happy woman that you've become and want to share a future with you, involving a number of years without viagara or arthritis meds :)
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A
female
reader, swordandredrose +, writes (14 May 2012):
At first I thought I was reading my own question! I'm also 20 and I fancy a 56-year old but I can't do anything about it because he is married.I don't think what you want to do it going to be problematic as long as he is not married nor taking advantage of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): "I'm twenty and I want to try a short-term relationship with a 56yr old man. Any advice?"As a 56-year-old man myself I can give you definitive advice: DON'T.Guys my age who date women your age are usually looking to reclaim their lost youth while telling the world their dick and balls still work, also they're likely to have grown children your age or older which increases the "ick" factor exponentially.Makes absolutely no sense to get involved with someone when you know it can't possibly work long-term. Unfortunately his age alone is a deal-breaker, might as well weed him out now than lead him on with the idea of discarding him later. Believe me, he'll have no trouble finding another girl your age with far less sense. Based on the experiences of my similarly-inclined peers, you probably wouldn't last long as a couple anyway before he'd end up dumping you for making too much sense; he's likely looking for some ditzy chick to fawn over him and tell him what a stud he still is (as she artfully lightens his wallet, which doesn't seem your intent at all). If he has the qualities you want in a guy closer to your age, find a guy closer to your age who shares those same qualities.
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