A
female
age
30-35,
*ove-him
writes:Me and my partner have been trying to concieve for the past two months, as i hardly see him, its hard to concieve on that exact day.Last month, we were unlucky as i had my period 3-6th July. Ihave 27 day cycles. i used this website to determine when i am most fertile, and this month i was most fertile, between the 12th and the 15th. i had unprotected on the 12th (and trying not to get into too much detail) it was in the best position, with pillow underneath lifting me up giving the sperm more of a chance. Then on the 18th July (6 days later) i had slight spotting, only slight and that hasnt occured since. I dont feel any different realy.I KNOW there wont be any definate answer to wether i am pregnant or not, i just would like any ideas on what the chances are of me being pregnant due to the spotting. Thanks so much!!
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (23 July 2008):
love-him is verified as being by the original poster of the question Heyy, sorry i was having a bad day when i read the answers, the day started off well, however things happend. I have updated my profile which was well needed. I appreciate all the answers and have taken them all into consideration. xXx
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Hi Love Him,
Have you tried actually articulating the pro's and con's of having a baby right now? I'm talking being TOTALLY honest...looking at ALL aspects. You can't be so naive to have not considered some of the 'challenges' you and your man face if you do in fact have a baby soon.
I was 31, married to a man with a good paying job, earning a good salary myself, living in a beautiful home, had great family support and friends, and my husband and I BOTH wanted to start a family. Even tho I had so much 'in place'...I still had fears and doubts - and at times worried if I was indeed 'ready'. The pregnancy news was joyous - but for my husband it also brought new anxieties about how he was going to "provide" for us - when my salary cut out etc. These are just some of the crazy ups and downs! Surely you and your BF must have some worries about it all too...even amongst all the excitment?
I am left wondering whether your fears (perhaps subconscious) lead you to post your question in the first place...,maybe you knew you'd get some of the comments you did? Maybe you responded so vehermently because we struck a raw nerve...the truth hurts don;t 'they' say?
Are you having a baby because it's what your BF wants - and you would do absolutley anything for him - to keep him happy, to make him love you??? Are you having a baby to fill some void or gap in your life or in you? Are you having a baby because it's "trendy" now? Are you having a baby so you have someone who will always be there and who will love you??
The aunts on this site have raised some VERY VALID points...not to p you off, but to ensure that you are looking at this situation from all angles - not to do so would be foolish.
If you can articulate the challenges and cons - then maybe you can look at what you would need to do to overcome them.
You can get defensive and tell us all off - but at the end of the day it wont make a bit of difference - you will do what you want, but for your own sake try to use your head and not just your heart...make informed choices...this isn't something you can change your mind about if you don;t like it in a few years!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Sorry everyone, I guess I had a lot to say. Love-him, as you can see, I'm very worried about you and your scheme.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Thanks bubbloo24,
I followed your lead, and I've checked on this ladies profile. I know she didn't ask us for advice on whether to have a baby or not, but I'm so concerned I'm gonna try to answer back, even if she's not interested in what I have to say.
Hi Love-Him,
As I mentioned, I just read your profile and some of the questions you answered. Yes your advice is good, and you are mature and polite in the way you answer and give people support. You know what this site is like, you've answered questions yourself. You knew what to expect and that's why I'm puzzled about why you decided to ask a question and leave your name up for everyone to see.
You are under the clinic and are currently seen by doctors and nurses in the UK. Your a sensible young woman, you know that the family planning clinics are the best place to get advice. Why did you think that we could tell you anthing usefull about trying to concieve. If you want to have a baby, contact your local family planning department, they also do planned pregnancy and fertility and can help you with all that.
You present as aged 16-17 (overage) and currently living in the UK. You've been dating your boyfriend since you were 15 and he was 19years old. As I understand it your relationship has been rocky in the past but you've managed to work things out. But it's not very long since he let you down and upset you about something. I'm assuming that both have you have talked and your relationship is now strong and happy, but I must admitt I do have some doubts.
Sorry for posting your private situation here, but I think you need to update your profile if your situation has changed. There are so many red flags about you that I don't know where to start. You've had problems in the past and post-natal depression may be a real issue for you in the future. You have also acted in certain ways, that again cause me to be alarmed. What will happen when you've had no sleep but your baby keeps on crying all night, how will this make you feel.
You don't live with your partner currently, so even if your planning this baby together he won't be able to see you day to day and give you support. I'm very worried about the stress, lack of sleep, and limited funds will place on you, the baby, your boyfriend and your relationship. Like everyone else, I don't think this is a good idea.
Have you talked to your boyfriend, have you talked to your parents, you are very young, your still living under their roof, you will need some help. You really need to discuss things with your mother, she will have to make extra space for the baby and you. If space is limited you will be bringing up that poor baby in a room for some while. Young pregnant mother's usually get placed in bed-and-breakfast for up to a year, before they get their own flat. There is a lack of facilities, and in some places you are expected to leave the room in the morning and not return before night.
You have a job, have you considered what will happen when you go on maternity leave and you income has been reduced. Have you and your boyfriend put down money for what the baby needs, your reduced income and emergencies in the first year. Don't just expect that your parents will help out, they might be resentfull if they think you planned this, expecting them to help out. You and your boyfriend want a baby, you will become a mother and no longer a child. This baby will look to you for everything, it will need you to survive. If you need to work you will need to sort out child care and at the moment in the UK, this can cost a weeks wage.
You don't like the way we talk, or the advice we give, well you better get used to it. As you know young single mothers have a rough time in the UK, and you are expected to go back to work and not look to the state to provide. Your tough, you've been through a lot, and I doubt you have listened to a word we've said.
But I urge you to talk to your mother and your boyfriend, put down some money and get some medical support. You deciding to have a baby is important and off course it's your choice, but there are many things that disturb me by this thing your trying to do.
Here's some links that you should check out, they give information on benefits, and maternity rights while you are employment. You should also surf the web for parenthood and bringing up children to find out about the problems that young mothers have to be aware off. Please contact the clinic, as there may be added risk because you are so long, they can help with your fertility and give you advice.
Be very aware, that a new baby and a lack of money will cause your boyfriend stress as well. You will no longer be boyfriend and girlfriend, but will turn into a mother and father instead. In the first couple of years the baby will take up most of your attention and your relationship and romance will suffer. Many relationships are at risk during this period as arguements increase. Remember your boyfriend is a young man, many of his friends are still going out and he might feel resentfull when he can't afford to.
Anyway good luck to you, I hope whatever you choose to do, will be done with full knowledge of what can occur. This will be your first child, you want them to have the best, so make sure your relationships are good and your financial secure. Remember a child is not for Christmas, it's forever.
http://www.hse.gov.uk/mothers/
http://www.cmoptions.org/pdfs/CMO_Getting_Started.pdf
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/index.htm
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Hey hun... I just read another one of your questions about the copper coil.
It says in that question that when you told your boyfriend that you could be pregnant and miscarry through no fault of your own, that he went off in a huff with you and didn't speak to you?
Are you sure you want to have a child with a boyfriend who turns away from you when 1) you're upset, 2) it wasn't your fault 3) he doesn't talk to you when you've supposedly done something wrong?
Please, think about this.
xx
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (20 July 2008):
 I apologise for my answer but i work for a housing association and most of out tenants are teenage mums who's famillies have kicked them out because they got pregnant,there partners have left them someone of them struggle to make ends meet there bosses have fired them and they have nobody they struggleto cope and most of them all though they love there children wish they had waited before they got pregnant.
So thats my experience of young girls having children most of them do not think it through, and think its like having a doll, only the reality is muchharder and more of a struggle.
Its possible you are pregnant some women even have periods while they are pregnant best thing to do is get a test or see your doctor. I hope your partner, parents and work all suppost you through this
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Look, I'm sorry to have judged you by your age but so what if you're turning 18?I still think you need a bit of reality check, because I've heard this story before.My mother got pregnant at 18. And yeah, she wanted kids, that was a big dream of hers, she thought she was ready and she had been with my dad for about 2 years.My mother left me with my grandparents and moved to the States when I was 3, okay? The 18 year old who loved her partner and wanted children, LEFT me because she realized that she wanted a career and a life. She and my father broke up when I was 2 because neither of them were ready for a child and the responsibility it entails. I've lived with my grandparents my whole entire life because of their stupid choice to have me even though they were in no way ready for a baby in either of their lives.So when I see you, at the same age as me, TRYING to get pregnant, I'm seeing my mother all over again, ill-prepared and not thinking ahead to the rest of your LIFE.Believe me, I have many more stories, mine is only one of them.Are you ready to stay in that job you have for the next 50 or so years to support your child? Are you and your partner planning on getting married at all, since you're having a baby?(believe it or not, kids need BOTH parents) Will you still be living at home with your mother or are you going to move to be with your partner?Those are only SOME of the questions you should be asking yourself, before getting pregnant, because once it happens, there is no turning back for you, unless you choose to abort or give it up for adoption.So next time you get angry with people for commenting about your age and advising you because they genuinely CARE about you, I suggest you look at their suggestions with a more open mind and realize, some may be speaking from EXPERIENCE.Thank you and all the best in your decisions.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Sorry, I just had to add a little thought to my answer. The way you just responded (your first 2 answers) could be construed as your still being a bit immature, so don't be surprised if you get some feedback on that. Your answer sounded like it was written by an irritated teenager, rather than a woman who is ready for whatever life is going to throw at her.
I do hope that you have plenty of support lined up to help you if and when you do get pregnant, your family and friends, because if your partner isn't around to help, you are in for a very bumpy ride.
Good luck in life!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2008):
Hi, don't get too defensive about this, the aunts here are genuinely trying to help other people, and some of us have a great deal of life experience, being old farts, and try to share it with others who come asking for help. So take what works for you and ignore the rest if it is not what you want to hear.
It's just that when we see a 16-17 year old asking about how to get pregnant, it worries us that she might not be making the best decision for herself, is all, so don't get too upset. It helps to have all the details first from the poster, if we don't get them, we make assumptions, we're only human after all! ;)
Actually, pashanoodle answered your question, if you had read it all the way through.
Your doctor or health clinic should also be the go-to ones for this question, as they know your health status and have medical knowledge that we might not have.
Here's a web resource for you that may useful for you to explore; the information contained in it has been checked out by health professionals and is very reliable, I think.
http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/understanding-conception
One sentence in this guide caught my eye:
"Within 24-hours after fertilization, the egg begins dividing rapidly into many cells. It remains in the fallopian tube for about three days. The fertilized egg (called a zygote) continues to divide as it passes slowly through the fallopian tube to the uterus where its next job is to attach to the endometrium (a process called implantation). First the zygote becomes a solid ball of cells, then it becomes a hollow ball of cells called a blastocyst. Before implantation, the blastocyst breaks out of its protective covering. When the blastocyst establishes contact with the endometrium, an exchange of hormones helps the blastocyst attach. Some women notice spotting (or slight bleeding) for one or two days around the time of implantation. The endometrium becomes thicker and the cervix is sealed by a plug of mucus."
So it is not uncommon for women to experience spotting.
Talk with your doctor, buy a pregnancy test and read the instructions to see when you should take it.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (20 July 2008):
love-him is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncan i just ADD i am 18 soon .
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (20 July 2008):
love-him is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am with my 22 year old boyfriend and have been for the past 2 years three months. ALL I WANTED was advice. not people telling me i shudnt be doin it. i DONT have a dead end job AT ALL.. cant you people just give ADVICE on the QUESTION and not on my AGE! i have made the decision to have chiuldren with my partner and we are READY!
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (20 July 2008):
I dont mean to be preachy but why do you want a child at such a young age? You need to think about whether you are emotionally and finacially ready for a baby because at the oldest it says you are 17 an avergae 17 year old lives at home has a part time job or a minimum wage dead end full time job and is either at college or uni. Are you living at home do your parents know of your plans to have a child. How are you going to pay for a baby do you have a well paid job who are willing to pay maternity cover.
More importantly is your man gonna stick around if you dont see him that often how are you going to cope with a baby on your own.
You have you enitre life ahead of you why ruin it so young because you want a child, you need to think of this child can you give it the best life you can will you be able to afford foor nappies clothes everything a baby needs a crib a pushchair a car chair, toys, new clothes pretty much every week, sterilising kits, bottles. Do you have any idea how much love and attention babies need?
Ehat will haooend when you turn 18 all your friends will go out clubbing and having fun and ehjoying there youth and you will have to stay in every night because you cant afford to go out and because your baby will need you.
I think you need to really think about this before you even try to conceive this is alot of responsibilty for someone so young, whats wrong with enjoying youth.
I am 20 years old and i know i am having way to much fun enjoing being young care free and single knowing when i get home after a night having fun with my friends that i wont have to go home and look after a screaming baby.
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A
female
reader, scrazy +, writes (20 July 2008):
You're my age - why are you trying to get pregnant on purpose?! I seriously hope that your age is not stated correctly?
You have 40 more years of having children (give or take when you reach menopause), why do you need to start now?
You're still young and in school, you're going to have to give up a lot to take care of a child, it's a HUGE responsibility that some married couples struggle with and I'm sorry, you are still a child yourself if you haven't thought this through.
If you don't see your boyfriend a lot, it will not get any better once you are pregnant; you're going to be doing things on your own - A LOT.
Before you try to get pregnant, I'm asking you to seriously consider what you're doing and what you'll be giving up.
Do your parents know that you're trying to get pregnant? I'm sure they wouldn't be happy!
Take care and all the best!
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (20 July 2008):
 If you are 16-17 then you are *very* young to be trying for a baby!
Are you both *absolutely* sure this is what you want?
A baby is a HUGE responsibility...it is a challenge for most grown adults to raise a baby properly...so it must be extremely difficult for a teenage girl!
And if you hardly see your boyfriend now, do you think you will see your boyfriend more often if you have a baby....
Best wishs to you...but understand the huge task you are undertaking if you are pregnant.
And if you are not pregnant, think carefully about what having a baby entails...and think carefully about whether it is what you want.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (20 July 2008):
Sweetie - I know you probably don;t want the "old bags on here telling you what to do"...but I can't help it...I have to say what I think first.
I think you are very very young and that you really should not be trying to fall pregnant. Having a child isn;t all cutsie and cuddles like you think, there is alot of hard work and the sweet little baby grows up (I was your age once too - so I know what clucky teens can be like). Have you even finished high school? have you travelled? have you got any security in your life - to help raise a child?You won;t like me saying this - but you don;t even know who you are yet, not really. And believe it or not...that guy you LOVE TO DEATH right now might not actually be "the one"...you haven't given yourselves enough time to grow up and develop - there is no way in my opinion that you should be having a baby. Do your parents or his know you have been "trying" so hard?? I bet not.
Now - in answer to your question, of course you could be pregnant. Plenty of women (and I use the term lightly for you) can have spotting whilst pregnant. Why don;t you go and buy a pregnancy test kit at your local chemist - they are 99% accurate and many can give a result 5 or so days prior to your "missed period" - so if you're that desperate to know go find out. The stats I have read also state that around 60% of couples should conceive within 3-4 menstrual cycles...so, it may take a bit longer than one time with the pillow under your back!
I have to finish by urging you to really think this through... what seems like such a great idea now might not when all your friends are out clubbing and you're home with your 6 year old doing their school project!
Why do I get the feeling you're not even reading this bit??
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