A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all!I was hoping I could get some other input with my problem. I don't really need to get into the past cause that's what it is. So I'll ask now (:I've been married for 4 years in August. We have 3 daughters together. 9,1 and 4 month old. My husband and I have the typical problems in a marriage and one of them being, a lack of intimacy. For about two months now, I've been trying to come about as a better mother,wife and partner. I'm a stay-at-home? mother and he works for a steel company. ---- Brand new and everything we've prayed for. M-F home at 5 and off early every Friday. Before that, he worked sunrise to past sunset for 6 days a week. So, I have stayed up late to care for the kids. Wake at 4am to get him up and out of bed for work. I get our eldest to school and then proceed to do the basic duties of the house. Laundry, dishes, vacuum etc. All while taking care of the two wee ones. I stop what I'm doing to have his lunch ready to eat as soon as he walks through the door. After he leaves, I get a few moments to myself to which I use to dress up nicely, make-up, hair, freshly showered, shaved (I'm puked,pooped and covered with food throughout the day) and then I start dinner prep/making. When he comes home dinner is either on the table waiting or just about to be served. I give him 2 hours of doing whatever he wants to unwind (playing Xbox, Clash,etc) then I ask for help with our children for bath, then bed. All this finished around 8pm. Depending on what I have on hand I will fix him a drink.I try to seduce him but to no avail. It's driving me insane. I know in the span of two years I've been pregnant both emergency C-sections and the final I ended up having to have back surgery. So I'm struggling a bit on toning up and losing weight. ( I do carry my weight well) but I know that it's not really ideal having to have an extra 50lbs. I'm trying really hard on communication with my husband and have spoken this issue of mine with him almost weekly and I hate to say I get no straight answer for why. I've been trying to stay in a goal of being a great house-wife/mother. It's one of my biggest dreams. But, I do this 24/7-365 days and there are moments it's so very taxing on me. It hurts that I am barely touched, when we have sex (once a month maybe twice) it is so very short, maybe 5mim. Just him wanting to be done as fast as possible.What do I need to do? How? I truly don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Please... Any advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 May 2017):
 Well done for still making an effort, you sound like you are doing a great job. He needs to open up to you, communication has broken down. Maybe he is tired? Who knows! Get a babysitter some weekend, or if your or his parents will have the kids over night great, have a date night. Get dressed up go out, then have a romantic night at home.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (23 May 2017):
 I don't think you're doing anything wrong by what you've written... You sound like a great wife and mother. However, you said that you don't want to get to the past and you need some other input for your problem. What exactly has happened in the past and have you posted here before? It'll be helpful for us to know the background because then we can answer accordingly.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (23 May 2017):
Here's what stands out to me from your post:I was looking forward to reading bits of data about your husband that would help yield information about what is on his mind or how he is experiencing the present situation. I did not get nearly as much as I had hoped for.Maybe herein lies a part of your problem? Your post seems to be 95% about the things *you* do, the way *you* want things to be.1) Instead of bringing a 'problem' to your husband with 'Why don't we have sex anymore?' , have you tried instead to find out how *he* wants things to be? Maybe a text while he's at work: 'So, tell me, what do you imagine a woman could do that would give you a hard-on like you were 17 all over again?'2) You say it's over within 5 minutes when sex happens... should I understand that your approach to sex, your idea of 'seducing him', is to give him the "It's a Go For Launch Houston!" signal and then let him take over to do all the work?I mean, how active are you in the love-making? If you were on top, you ought to be a lot more in control of how long it lasts. In fact, I tend to think that a woman would be hard pressed to go on top and make a guy come fast.Does he have objections to your giving him head?... Do you?3) Consider this angle: are you wanting sex because you want him, or is it to seek the reassurance that your marriage meets *your* standard of 'normality'?
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