A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My problem, or I believe it is a problem, is that I'm being told by potential girlfriends or girlfriends that I'm too nice!!!!Therefore, I'm "friends material." It's happened a lot over my life and well, what do I do??? I am me, and how can I suddenly become a player or a rogue? Or perhaps, some ladies DO love nice guys. Any encouragement would be a great help please!!! Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks all for your really helpful thoughts. Looking through the back lists of problems on this site, I can identify that perhaps I'm confusing "nice" with being too helpful or subservient. but it'd true, girls would prefer nice guys. However, when I have the hots for someone, it's hard not to be nice and helpful. Catch 22? But thanks a lot. I will give you updates on how I get along in the future. Thanks.
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 THESE types of girls like nice guys but want guys that will rough them up. it goes beyond the alpha male complex.meaning they want a guy whos super dominant, who will threaten to smack em round, or guys who get jealous if another guy even looks at them. basically they want arguments, fights, all the things that make relationships go sour. my man is a super super nice guy, compassionate, caring, will even cry at a movie without flinching. i love him and were best friends, lovers, soulmates, teamplayers. he treats me like one of the guys. he respects me in every point of his life. i dont ever want to be with a guy who does not have these qualities and more. u sound like u have these qualities. u should never change who u are. nor is it easy. kit rubs against thew grains. u will find a girl who will worship the groundev u walk upon. be patient and dont worry or chase aftewr the girls who want less than nice guys. they are not worth it and will take ur happiness and ur sunshine away. be who u are. i hate guys who r assholes. i love nice guys just as guys like u love nice girls. really, guys love threesome chics, but guy code one on one: never date the threesome chic. a girl will want a nice guy to tool with but shell settle for the ass. but there r plenty of chics that will match u. its compatibility. so if the girl u like declares ur too nice, move on. shes not right for u nor will she ever appreciate u for being the gentleman u are. y be unhappy. dont let these gils break u. just be who u r dear sir. trust me. u will find ur compatible mate in life. but it wont be if u turn into an asshole. because these types of girls who want assholes r never happy and never satisfied. they go in life wishywashy and cant decide if they want the good guy or the bad guy. they look for fights, they look for drama. do u want that in ur life? i know i dont. so be the ever wiser and stay away from these chics. ur lifer will be less complicated. as u know chics in general are squirrely. why date some chic whos completly off her rocker? think about that sir. men get enough drama from nice girls. imagine ur life with a chic who trys to get u jealous, who daily eggs u on and complains and is looking for a fight with u constantly just to make her life better or herself feel like shes loved. if indeed u can call it love when a guy smacks a girl around a few times, the girl cries and they have make up sex and and empty pillowtalk? maybe these girls need help in the head instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Oh come on, that shouldn't bring you down! People should like us for what we are, we can't change ourselves eachtime someone says that doesn't like this or that... Just be proud of who you are! You'll find someone who really likes your personality! Those women probably don't want anything serious...Being nice is good! Be yourself!
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A
male
reader, q1605  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 Buddy this is the finest line a man will ever walk. How not to be a dick yet not be a doormat. I would say that its not as much what you do as when you do it. Let me start by saying do not ever ever never on your life buy a woman a drink in a bar. Maybe after you have had a nice chat and see that there is a connection there that might be OK, but never send drinks to a womans table. When you see the ladies all raising their glass in your direction under their breath they are all murmuring," what a schmuck". And for those girls women that actually saunter up and ask if you'd buy them a drink it goes double. Taking a woman out and blowing a roll. Why? there is no rule that says you have to bribe somebody to get them to spend time with you.Take them to the park. Or some place reasonable. Theres nothing wrong spending some cash but not right out of the chute. It also ramps up the intensity of things. It cast you as some kind of circus performer and she is your audience and your next trick must always out do your last. And flowers are OK when you develop real feelings for a woman. Real feelings not some infatuation. Don't always be available. If you had a good date chalk it up to a good date. Don't start fawning over her and always managing to be underfoot. Or your problem could be one of being wallpaper. If you are going to stick your neck out enough to be in proximity of a woman or women don't get out there and then just kind of hang around. If you show up where the people are, friends after work, school or whatever, make yourself known to be in attendance. Say something even if its wrong. In fact just because its wrong. If you can't manage it for yourself do it for the rest of men everywhere. Because no matter how much it pushes women away from you they throw it up in the faces of other guys everywhere.
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A
male
reader, FireAtWill +, writes (9 April 2008):
Ok, I have been there my whole life until recently. Believe me: Girls don't want what is too easy to have.
I'm sure average looking girls have approached you with feelings and offered a fun time or a relationship but you went for one step above her. Girls do the same thing. You have to be that next step up. You don't have to change your mentality, just your actions until they're yours.
1. Be confident.
2. Take control of situations. (Do what YOU want to do.)
3. Be careful not to be overpowering. (actually kinda tough to do)
If she says, "You're being selfish right now!" Say, "I know what I want and I'm sure you'll like it too when we get there." It's OK to be wrong! (with regards to a restaurant/movie/date/idea.)
My friend is in the PBFZ (Potential Boy-friend Zone) He is hooking up with her every once in a while due to the fact that he played "the Asshole" who wanted to just mess around, but they both know that they could date, but it's just not time yet. Without being an ass, he would have been used for the wine and dinner a few times and not gotten very personal. The door has been opened. You need to make her want you by not giving her everything she wants when she wants it even if you don't return a few phone calls.
Take turns chasing. That's the way I am with my current target with atrtactive eyes and legs. Don't be a puppy on her string be a big dog that the poodles find a challenge to tame.
Like I said, there are girls you and I have come across who we could be in a serious long term relationship with because were so consenting and mindful of everyone else's feelings and so are they.
Last point: Hot girls know they're hot. They get looks everywhere they go. Be the guy that doesn't seem to be interested in her and she'll want to know why you're not drooling and dragging your feet behind her and you'll have her full attention. Make your attention on something else and you'll get hers.
Try this stuff on other girls first before the one you really want so you don't mess up when the time comes.
Small adjustments, one at a time. Tell me how things go.
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