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I'm tired of looking over my shoulder wondering what my girlfriend is doing!

Tagged as: Cheating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 March 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 22 March 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Me and my girlfriend have been together almost a year. I love her to absolute bits, but we have had some problems in the oast after she cheated on me. We broke up for a while, but eventually got back together after she said she would do everything she could to make things right.

A month or two have passed since then, and though things are good between us, I am still struggling with some insecurity (I was never the most confident person anyway).

Now recently, she met a guy online and has been texting him. My girlfriend is a bit of a flirt and I have learnt to live with that, but some of the texts I have seen from him seem more that 'flirting' in nature, talking about 'being his girlfriend' and 'where will this lead between us?'.

I found out tonight from her that she is meeting him for the first time and he is taking her to a day trip to Thorpe Park (to those of you outsode the UK, it is one of the country's biggest theme parks) on Wednesday. And despite myself, I'm worried that his intentions are not pure.

He was already intending to take her to dinner (to the same restaurent where I coincidentally took her for her birthday) and seemed to talk about it as a date, but she cancelled.

I just don't know what to do. If I say I'm not comfortable with it, my girlfriend will say that I am being controlling and just don't want her hanging out with other guys. On the contrary, I really want her to make new friends, as she does not have many, just all the friends she makes seem to want to get in her pants (the last guy she met from online ended up sleeping with her).

Is this just me being over the top like she thinks? Or am I justified in my concerns? I'm just so sick and tired of looking over my shoulder all the time. I found out the other day for example that a so-called-friend of mine was trying to get her to have sex behind my back (which in fairness she refused).

View related questions: broke up, cheated on me, flirt, got back together, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011):

Then don't be with her. What a horrible relationship. Run run run my friend run. If someone cheats they are not worth it the end.

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A female reader, Lulu_lol United States +, writes (22 March 2011):

Lulu_lol agony auntWell if you are so uncomfortable i think you should tell her...don't say you don't trust her. But just say you don't like the whole idea of her meeting an online friend...say you don't trust the guy at all.

by the way - why is she meeting him? If she is with you she really doesn't need to go out with this fellow.

See...she cheated on you...you will feel insecure and her going away with this fellow isn't really going to help you at all....i think she's still not serious about u.

If i were in your shoes, i'd tell her how i feel. All the best.

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A male reader, addz Australia +, writes (22 March 2011):

Screw the headaches man get rid of her you'll be sad at the start but relived in the long run. Your gut is telling you something its generally right and you have a right to be worried look at her track record. Move on brother don't waste anymore time with her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011):

Let her fly free and do whatever she wants when she wants. It's not up to you to blindly trust her and let her go off for day trips and dinners alone with another man she just met on the internet that she's been flirting with after she cheated on you? It doesn't look like she's trying real hard to convince you that she's changed, the only difference is you know where and with whom she is going and its up to you to live with it. I guess its all about compromise but it seems you're doing all of it and if you complain you're being "too controlling". Look she's your girlfriend but its not on for her to meet men online then go out with them on day trips, notice its a "day" trip, meaning you don't get to see her for a whole day while she has her fun then "dinner"..oh I guess you can forget seeing her until the next day...meanwhile you're beside yourself wondering what's she's up to.

Firstly you love your girlfriend but she's still meeting men and flirting on the internet, now she's meeting one. You gave her/ or she gave you second chance and now shes throwing it back in your face. No respect for you or your relationship. No explaination needed, either she stops this behavior and that means no "day" trip, if she says no then say goodbye and good luck to her, no use investing your time and emotion into a relationship with someone who isn't willing to do the same.

Good luck and update us on any developments.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011):

Hi i dont think you are being unreasonable at all. Quite the reverse actually. If your girlfriend said she would do anything to regain your trust. Then she shouldnt be going out to dinner and spending time alone with men from the internet. Not unless you are going too! I think you need to set some boundries, explain what is and isnt acceptable to you. Telling her you dont want her to meet and go out with guys shes chatting to online, seems very reasonable to me. I think she might be playing you. Pushing to see how much she can get away with, because she knows how much you want to be with her. I think you are going to have to set some tough rules and stand by them in order for any peace of mind. If she isnt willing to stick to them and regain your trust, then shes not being straight with you.

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