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I'm tired of living under my brother's shadow! How do I get over this?

Tagged as: Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2017) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2017)
A female South Africa age 18-21, anonymous writes:

My older brother has always been the centre of attraction to every family member including my parents. Every good thing I do I somehow get compared to him even if he is not good at what i just did. I feel like people like me because of him. Most people don't even care what my name is so long as they know im related to him. I sometimes feel discouraged especially when my parents praise him more even when he is doing nothing at all. He is kind of reserved like I am he is not a straight A achiever but he does great. Since I am the only girl I feel like I am underappreciated. I can do both house chaos and excel in every school work or project i put my mind at the same time. I am great with people too and i dont go to night clubs and party like most of my old folks do. Most girls my age in South Africa have kids or are pregnant and that is why i dont have many friends. My mother used to be harsh on me growing up about being a bad person because I had no friends (wheres the truth is i am great at making solid friendships just didnt want a lot since many girls were into the party life). My brother does not have many friends but everyone praises him for that even my little brother supports our big brother more than he supports me. I sometimes feel like I don't have a family that cares about me. I used to have cousins who would only call me if they want to talk to my brother. I stopped answering their calls so they stopped calling. I recently posted a life changing message from my heart and some guy began commenting on how he sees my brother becoming something great in life so im somehow getting there. I felt disrespected because I did not understand how my brother had to do with what I did. I know I need to get over this now but I don't know how. My brother is two years older than me.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom + , writes (15 February 2017):

02DuszJ agony auntPeople dont know s**t. Im sorry but think about the crap songs bands release that become number one- where as the gems get overlooked. People voted for hitler... And trump!

So who's to say you're not as talented or "important" as your brother? BS. I think you have been ground down by a family that aren't nurturing and overly critical... You've definitely got strengths that he hasn't. Eveyone has something someone else lacks.

They shouldn't undervalue you and should praise you but ya know what can you do, moan about them... Like denizen said the poor me thing isn't guna get you anywhere... Its not guna make you independent.

Find out what values are important to you and them live by them. Do a career/ job you're passionate about... If you're passionate you're good at it.

You aren't a shadow of anyone. Dont live up to anyone elses expectation, live up to your OWN.

One day you'll have your on husband, and family hopefully. And you can make sure you never compare your children to each other. That's BAD parenting, I'm.sorry. Gey out there mate!

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2017):

Denizen agony auntCarry on achieving. Be your own person. Leave home, get your own life in order - a life you have chosen.

It makes no different what anyone else does. You are the star of your own film. You are also the director.

Are you going to make it in black and white or full colour.

Choose your friends carefully. They are all characters in your film. You decide how big the parts they play.

And no more 'Poor Me'.

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