A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I have been living together for 2 years. We were friends first and then she left her boyfriend for me. For the first 6 months or so it was great we were all lovey-dovey and really great together, nothing but happiness. By now it is getting a bit rough. I am the more financially stable and so I support her. I think I've been a really good boyfriend, she comes to me with her problems and I help her take care of them, whether they were financial or if she just needed help with what to do. I do my best to make her completely happy because I love her and all I want is for her to be happy. Lately, though, everything that has gone wrong has been my fault. She doesn't really take initiative and so I will prepare everything for her, but she won't do the last bit that only she can do. Then when it doesn't get done she blames me, even though it was her who didn't do the part only she could do.I don't really know what to do because she blames me and really gets angry at me, she yells and puts me down and says that I am completely useless that she won't ask me to do anything again and she should have just done it. Even though all I ever do is to help her. Some arguments have even led to her threatening to leave me.I'm getting tired of being the bad guy when I'm only trying to help and am not sure if I should end it myself. I really love her and do want to be with her, but I can't take being blamed for everything that goes wrong, when it isn't really my fault.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 July 2010):
 Great advice so far. The only thing I'd like to add is something that I'm not sure applies, but might, so I'm throwing it out there.
Men will often try to fix things when women just want to talk about them. For example, she comes to you with a problem. You offer a solution. You help impliment the solution. She never really wanted a solution, she just wanted to discuss the problem and have you empathize with her, not fix it. Since you didn't do what she wanted (even though she never said it), she resents you for it. This leads her to not do that "final step" or something that would impliment the solution. Do you see where this is going?
Women like to talk about their problems. Men often interpret this as something that needs fixing, when it doesn't. It's a major difference in our communication styles that leads to many conflicts.
I hope this helps. Instead of trying to fix everything, let some stuff go and see what happens. I agree that you're acting more like a father to a spoiled child than a good boyfriend. Like adifferentperspective said, either she'll come around, or she'll reveal just how selfish she really is. My best.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 July 2010):
Stop putting yourself out there so much. You're acting more like a doting father than a boyfriend. Tell her to get her own act in gear. If she doesn't, end it. You need to let her do her own thing. You're a nice guy, but like all nice guys (including me, I've been there too), you're trying to do things for her. She needs to do her own thing, and if she doesn't, you need to find someone who appreciates you more.
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