A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Need some relationship advice. I'm a lesbian in a relationship for the last 7 months and everything is going really well. The woman I'm with is honestly the kindest, most caring, and nurturing woman I have ever met. I am madly in love with her and she with me. Everything just fits perfectly and we have started to discuss what the future might hold. We have both agreed that living together is on the cards in the not too distant future. I can see myself marrying her and she has suggested its the same for her. Everything points towards this is the real deal! I know I've found the one :) 3 There is however one little snag and I don't know what to do about it. Differences in any relationship are good but our big one is messiness and tidiness. I'm not a freak. But am i a tidy person. I like to have things put away and not leave things out in the kitchen. I'm not neurotic about it and can leave dishes for a day like anyone else but for the most part, I tidy as I go. I like my bedroom clean and tidy so that I can relax at the end of the day. She on the other hand is not like this at all. She has a lot of stuff and is quite messy. Her bedroom has clothes piled really high and lots of stuff on the floor. In the past we have joked in good humour about this difference. We've laughed about it and I have insisted to her its not a big deal to me that she's messy. If everything else in the relationship is good, I don't see why someone being messy would be a deal breaker for me. I'm also aware she is very sensitive about her messiness and at times has worried she's not good enough for me because of it. In her childhood her dad cinstantly berated and belittled her for not tidying and it's left its mark psychologically. I am in no way going to break this off because of messiness. I love her but am aware we have this difference.Recently however, with talk turning to maybe living together, I know that at some point we'd need to talk about it. I'd never ask someone to change and I realise we'd have to meet in the middle of our tidiness and messiness and find a compromise that suits both of us. But with her so sensitive about it, how can I mention this in a nice way without upsetting her?
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (9 November 2014):
Well, my husband is very tidy and I'm messy, and I'll say this: he happily follows me around picking up after me, and has never once complained. Dont get me wrong, we have discussed it, in the context of how well it works for us. He has never tried to change me and that's why I love him.
Is this something that might work for you? You can't change her nature, you know.
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