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"I'm terrified of dying and leaving my wife"

Tagged as: Family, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 May 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 May 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hello. I'm not sure if anybody can really help me but I need it.

I broke up from a bad relationship around 4 years ago. It was so bad that I spent the next four months on a downward spiral. I drank every night but what's worse is that I started using cocaine. I used it for about two or three weekends out of the four months. During Christmas 2006, I met a wonderful woman. She made me realise that there are good things in life. I stopped the excessive drinking and stopped using cocaine almost immediately.

I began suffering heart palpitations in 2008. One night it go so bad that my wife called an ambulance. They couldn't find anything wrong but put me on beta blockers to control the palpitations. A couple of months later, I was taken off them. I was diagnosed with a benign arrhythmia and told that the palpitation were harmless. I get them most days, when I cycle to work and back. I was told by my doctor that with regular exercise they'd go away. They haven't. I can't help feeling that by using cocaine, albeit for a short time, I have reduced my life span greatly and the palpitations are a sign that my heart is failing. I've had x-rays, blood test, worn a 24 hour heart monitor. Nothing. Now I've read somewhere that even if you survive a dosage of cocaine you'll die in around five years anyway due to it attacking the bodies nervous system an eventually shutting it down, leading to heart failure.

I married this wonderful woman late last year. She's everything I've ever wanted and more. But I'm absolutely petrified. My wife knows I'm scared and why. She tries to reassure me that the doctor's say I'm fine and I should accept that. I can't. I didn't get addicted to cocaine, I just used it to forget. It was stupid I know. It's been almost 5 years and I terrified of dying and leaving my wife. I don't know what I'm asking for here. But is it true? Five years and that's it? Dead? I can't stop thinking about it. It's ruining me.

View related questions: broke up, christmas

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (21 May 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntLife and death is not in our hands. Nobody knows which hour or day he will die. Even the fit and the very young can die before their time too.

There is nothing you can do to change your destiny.All you can do is to go on living and enjoy each day as it comes.

Be happy everyday because one sad day is less one happy day.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (21 May 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntThey sound a lot like anxiety or panic attacks to me. My sister would get them, especially after her cancer diagnosis. She needed medication for them, as they were so severe and she was having trouble functioning. Thankfully, we're past that bit now, but it was very troubling.

I think some people are predisposed to worry, they're hardwired for it somehow. Like my sister. She was a hypochondriac, chronically worried about everything, she could find a way to worry on the most glorious of days. Good grief, there should be some cosmic law that says worriers aren't permitted to get a disease like cancer, because the looming threat of a recurrence is enough to drive them batty.

You sound a bit like that. Worry worry worry worry. And it ruins daily life because the nice simple and lovely things about it aren't appreciated or even noticed.

You have a wonderful loving wife. There are tons of guys out there who would give up 5 years of their life to have what you have right at this moment. You have kicked the habit. There are tons of drug users right now who wish they were now clean. You have your wits about you. There are stroke victims and accident victims who would give anything to have their brain function back to what it was before.

The thing about my post here is that I know you're not really interested in the positive warm fuzzy stuff I'm trying to sell you. You don't derive any psychic buzz from that kind of thing. You do feed the worry monster because somehow, that's how you are wired. That's what makes you feel vital, even if you feel crappy about it.

So for my amateur diagnosis of your troubles and travails, I recommend the following course of action:

First, back to the doctor's, but not for cardiac testing. I want you to go in and get an assessment of your mental state. See if you are clinically depressed or are possibly having panic attacks, which can then be treated with medication.

Second, get a referral for some talk therapy. Go see someone and discuss why it is that you self-medicated with alcohol and cocaine. Oh, and as far as cocaine goes, I know a lot of people who were into it in college. They're still around, lo these *gasp* thirty years later. It's usually the drinking that carries people off. I know this from some personal experience.

Third, I want you to explore meditation and yoga. Meditation to calm that buzzing brain and yoga to relax and strengthen your stressed out body. Just being exposed to a couple of sessions with a really good yoga teacher will have you feeling like a new man. I promise.

Fourth, I want you to get all new agey and mystic. I want you to explore Reiki and massage and acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine and Ayurvedic medicine. Why? Well, if you can go all nutso and believe that you're going to die in 5 years from reading some stuff on the internet, you might as well give some of this other stuff some credence. It's only fair, I think. And there are some amazing stories about healing out there. Normally, I'm all about scientific method and I have a healthy case of skepticism when it comes to this stuff, but there's something about the mind-body-spirit stuff that just is so intriguing. And it couldn't hurt. It's certainly a hell of a lot better for you than cocaine.

Finally, I want you to read a book. One of my friends here at DC told me about it, actually, she reminded me about it a while ago. The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck. It's not sunshine and light but it's pretty damn enlightening. Oh, wait, there's another one. You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise L. Hay. Another recommendation from another aunt here. I gave a copy of that to my sister.

There's your prescription for better health and a new outlook on life from Auntie Tisha. I want you to start immediately. Like tomorrow. Check back with me in one month's time and tell me what you've managed to accomplish on that list. I'll set a timer.

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (21 May 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntAt the end of the day we are all dying and worrying about it doesn't make it come any faster or slower. Life is too short to worry about dying all the time because how can you actually enjoy your life and be a good husband if you are so wrapped up in the slight possibility that you might die. There is not one person on this planet who has not injested or done something that carries a risk for their health. There is more danger in getting out of bed and crossing the road these tasks have been known to kill people too.

RELAX move on and give yourself a break you are going to be fine. Concentrate on being the best most loving husband you can be to your darling wife rather than being a pain in the arse because you worry about dying all the time.

Everytime one of those thoughts enter your head push it out with a positive thought. Good luck dude you're going to be fine!

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A female reader, Midge United Kingdom +, writes (21 May 2010):

Midge agony auntI know someone that used to use cocaine on a daily basis. He was addicted to it big time. He like you, saw that there was more to live for and stopped just like that! He had many medical problems like palpitations. Its been 24 years and he is fine! That 5 year rule is a pile of crap! Stop reading crap like that! You are here despite you short binge on cocaine and yes you have palpitations but so do many others. It doesnt mean that they took cocaine and it doesnt mean to say that its gonna cut their life down.

My point is, yes maybe some people did take cocaine and it reduced their life due to health issues, but at the same time, there are MANY that took cocaine and 24 years later they are still here! You cant always go on a hand full of peoples reactions to drugs. I can give you websites of people that took drugs years back and they are still here. Yes, they had health issues, but they are not necessarily related to drugs, they could be related to anything.

I used to be addicted to painkillers. I know someone that died after being addicted to them for just over 6 years. I was addicted for almost 9. Does that mean that Im gonna die from complications to that addiction? No. Yes I had medical issues afterwards, and yes they were attributed to the drugs, but they could have occurred if I weren't addicted too.

For heaven sake, don't think that you gonna die. I just lost my dad 10 months ago and it kills me every day. He was young at 67 and he had a complete amalgamation of health issues. He never took drugs and had a drinking problem as a youngster. He passed away because of throat cancer. Yes throat cancer can be attributed to drinking, but he hadn't drank alcohol in over 35 years. You see, it could happen 35 years later! Don't believe this 5 year nonsense! Believe in life! You only get one shot at it!!!

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